Slightly Bruised and Broken From Our Head on Collision

Half an hour later we are called back in and I see Kyle walk back into the little box with a grin on his face. I want to punch him. The judge calls for order and everyone focuses back on him. He clears his throat and stands up.

“Kyle Burns, you are being convicted of three counts of rape and two counts of harassment. If you plead guilty you will spend 6 and half years in prison. How do you plead?” I look at Kyle, and with the biggest smile on his face he says.

“Guilty.” The security guards next to him turn and handcuff him and lead him away but he motions towards the microphone. The judge sighs and nods. Kyle reaches the microphone and clears his throat.

“I just want to quickly say something to Alex, is that okay?” the judge looks down at Alex and Alex nods his head slowly.

“I love you Lexi baby, one day I’m going to get out and prove to you how much I love you.” Alex looks down and I see a tear drip of the edge of his nose. Alex shakes his head and looks up at the judge. He shakes his head at the judge.

“I love you I swear to g-.” Kyle’s pulled away from the microphone before he can finish but Alex just shivers and turns away.

We get dismissed from the hall and I watch from the car as Kyle is pushed into a white van and taken to whatever prison is closest to us. Instead of the sense of relief I thought I’d feel I just feel drained. Like all my emotions have just been taken out of me. I never realised how much this type of thing can take out of you and all I want to do is sleep. The white van pulls away and I turn to Alex, he’s slumped against the seat with his eyes closed and his eyelashes are wet against his pale cheeks. It makes me sad to see him so attached to something that can only hurt him.

When we get home Alex says he needs some time alone, and wanders upstairs. A couple of minutes later I hear him playing his guitar and I sigh deeply. Jack lets me fall into his chest and holds me as I cry.

“It’s done.” I whisper. “He’s gone.” Jack rubs his nose into my hair and we stay there for a while. After I while I realise how tired I am, and I walk upstairs alone.

In the middle of the night I get up for water and I walk past Alex’s door. I hear him singing and I stop to listen.

...summer’s on the way, at least that’s what they say. But these clouds won’t leave. Walk away, I’m barely breathing as I’m lying on the floor. Take my heart as you’re leaving, I don’t need it any more. This is the memory; this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It’s killing me, this is the last time this is my forgiveness. This is endless...

My heart clenches and it’s painfully obvious what he’s singing about. The singing has stopped and the door slowly creaks open. Alex looks chillingly vulnerable when he opens the door and he has tears on his cheeks. I’m about to apologise for eavesdropping when he says.

“Do you want to listen to the whole thing? I’ve got it pretty much nailed now.” I nod slowly and enter his room. His guitar is discarded on the bed and a keyboard is leaning against a wall. There is paper everywhere and I’m not sure where to sit. He pushes a load of books off the bed and motions for me to sit. I do. I remember when this was just a storage room before Alex and I moved here. It changed into mine and Alex’s room for a while until I started sleeping with Jack to keep the nightmares away. After scanning the room I focus back on Alex. He’s sat cross-legged on the floor with the keyboard on his lap, and he looks anxious. I smile at him and he starts.

He is everywhere I go, everyone I see. Winter’s gone and I still can’t sleep. Summer’s on the way, at least that’s what they say, but these clouds won’t leave.

I look at my hands and try not to cry. It hurts me to see Alex this upset but I know it’s probably better he did this through song rather than take it out on himself.

Walk away, I’m barely breathing as I’m lying on the floor. Take my heart as you’re leaving, I don’t need it anymore. This is the memory; this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It’s killing me, this is the last time this is my forgiveness. This is endless.

I look at Alex’s face, which is pale in the moonlight and see the tear tracks that seem etched into his face. He continues.

Now spring has brought the rain, but I still see his face. And I cannot escape the past, creeping up inside, reminding me that I can never bring you back. This is the memory; this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It’s killing me, this is the last time this is my forgiveness. This is endless.

He looks completely drained as he sings the last part.

Someone help me, ‘cause the memory convinced itself to tear me apart. And it’s gonna succeed before long. This is the memory; this is the curse of having too much time to think about it. It’s killing me, this is the last time this is my forgiveness. This is endless. Someone help me, ‘cause the memory convinced itself to tear me apart. And it’s gonna succeed before long.

He is everywhere I go, everyone I see. But these clouds won’t leave.

Alex opens his eyes and looks at me. I look back and let a tear roll down my cheek. He stands up unsteadily and grabs a bottle of vodka off of the side I didn’t see before. There’s one full bottle on the side but he picks up one that’s already half empty. He offers it to me and I accept it and take a burning gulp. I let it burn in my stomach for a second before taking another swig. I smell something weird and turn to Alex to see him lighting some kind of joint that I immediately realise is weed. It looks weird in Alex’s hands and he takes a toke and chokes almost straight away. I laugh slightly and he looks up at me and holds it out. I take it from him and weigh up the pros and cons. I haven’t been stoned in so long, but what the hell. I take a couple of tokes before I get used to it and start feeling the effect. I hand it back to Alex. The airs smoky and I see Alex starting to feel the effects as well. He slumps against the edge of the bed and gives it back to me.

We sit in silence for a while before Alex starts giggling to himself. For some reason his laugh makes me laugh and we end up giggling on the floor of Alex’s room.

Once we’ve finished the joint Alex leans against my arm and sighs loudly. I try to turn to him but end up sinking further down onto the floor.

“What’s wrong?” I ask slowly. Alex giggles slightly and tries to sit up. He ends up slumped uncomfortably across my lap.

“I was thinking.” He says slowly, he tries to focus on me but his eyes are red and he keeps looking behind me.

“Maybe I should break up with Tay...” he trails off to flick something out of the air in front of him. I poke him gently on the shoulder to bring him back to me and frown at him. He looks up at me.

“Why?” I ask. I’m finding it difficult to focus as well and I keep seeing circles of light. Alex shakes his head violently and grabs my hand.

“Kyle will hurt him if I’m with him. And I...” he trails off again and focuses on my eyes.

“I can’t let anyone else hurt.” I frown at him and sway slightly. I try to shake the fogginess out of my brain but end up on Alex’s chest. He strokes the top of my head and I frown at his armpit. I notice that we’ve somehow drunk both the bottles of vodka already.

“But Kyle can’t hurt anyone when he’s in prison?” I say trying to make it sound like a statement. It fails and ends up sounding shaky like a question. Alex shrugs and leans his chin on my head.

“You heard him. He said he was “gonna get out and prove to me he loved me.” I doubt he’ll stay in for the whole 6 years.” Alex shakes his head slowly and I try to protest but words stop making sense and I end up falling asleep right there.