Reinvent Love

John was always protective of me. I mean, most boys are protective of their sisters, but John was really protective.

Like this one time when I was fifteen, I really liked this guy named Andrew that went to my school. He was 16, tall, dark and handsome. We started hanging out and he would come over to my house all the time just to hang. One day he came over, and we were talking, then out of nowhere, he kissed me. I, of course, kissed back…

And to make a long story short, we got carried away. John came in, not knowing Andrew was there, and started screaming. I honestly thought John was gonna punch him.

After that little incident, I went a week without talking to John. I was pretty pissed. I mean, wouldn't you be? Your twin brother, embarrassing you in front of the hottest boy in school? John made it up to me though, by taking me to my favorite ice cream shop.

My parents didn’t really care about me and my relationships, but if it was up to John, I would never be allowed to so much as talk to boys.


I sighed happily as I snorted some of the white powder off my bathroom sink. I started doing coke the last time we went to Mexico for spring break. We always went to Mexico for spring break as a family. But I never really liked those family fun filled vacations, so I decided to have some fun of my own, if you get my drift.

I know, I know… I shouldn't be doing this. It’s not good for me. Blah, blah, blah, whatever. It’s not like I'm addicted or anything. I mean, I could stop if I wanted to… I think.

We've been home for about three days now. I hate it here. There's no beaches, no amazing food. Just boring old Tempe.

Just as I stood up to put the rest of my coke stash back into my cabinet, my door handle started to turn, so I grabbed the zip lock bag and hid it behind my back. I could have sworn that I locked the door…

"Hey, Jazz? Where is the remote to th-" John paused as he popped his head into the bathroom. His eyes went down to my hands behind my back. "What are you doing?"

I swallowed hard. Dammit. I should have locked the door. I pushed my body against the sink, the plastic still in my hands. Thank god I didn't take too much of it, so I was still kind of myself.

"Nothing." I replied a little too quickly. “You’re supposed to knock before you just throw open my bathroom door, John. Jeez,” I scoffed, rolling my eyes and trying to close the door, but he wouldn’t have any of that. John raised an eyebrow at me and walked over to me, taking my hand out from behind my back. He kinda jumped a little, surprised. I could see a frown forming on his face.

"Jasper, this isn't what I think it is, is it?" John said, his voice low and dangerous. Oh, man, he used the full first name on me. Yep. I'm screwed.

"…I'm just holding it for a friend." My voice came out higher than I would have liked it to. John rolled his eyes, letting me know that he didn't buy it.

"Do you really think I'm that stupid, Jasper?" He said, taking the bag from me and walking over to the toilet. He opened the bag and started to pour the contents down the porcelain bowl.

"Stop! That's mine!" I said trying to save whatever was left into the bag. He just held his arm around me and poured out the rest. He’s a scrawny little spit fuck, but looks are deceiving. He was a lot stronger than you’d think.

After he threw away the bag, he started going through all my cabinets and drawers. "Is that all of it?" He asked after looking through all of my stuff. I rolled my eyes, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why would I tell you?'' I asked, angry at this invasion of my privacy. Stupid overprotective twin brother.

John stared at me in confusion. "Jasper, are you serious? Do you know how bad that shit is for you? It can kill you! Do you understand that?" He said, starting to get angry.

"It isn't any of your business, John. I can do whatever the hell I want!" I half shouted, breaking his grip on me.

John gritted his teeth, running his hand through his hair. "Yes it is my business, Jasper! You could kill yourself! Who got you started into this? Was it Dylan?''

John's always had something against my boyfriend, Dylan. I don't know why John hates him so much. Dylan’s a good guy, and he can be sweet…when he wants to. But he didn't get me started with Coke. I mean, he does it too, but he didn't make me or anything. Like I said, I started when I was in Mexico.

"I swear to god, if he made you do it, I'll fucking kill him!" John started pacing around my room, a nervous habit of his. I rolled my eyes.

"No, Dylan didn't make me do Coke, John. I started when I was in Mexico. So leave Dylan out of this." I said setting down on my bed.

"Are you sure about that, Jasper? Cause every since you've been going out with that prick you call your boyfriend, you've been acting different. What’s going on with you, Jasper? You've changed. We're supposed to be twins, but I don't know what’s happening with us anymore."

I stared at him, surprised. "I've changed? Of course I’ve changed, John. I’ve always been changing. You just haven’t been around to see it. You’re the one that joined that stupid band. You’re the one that doesn't have time for me, for your fucking family anymore,” I said as I stabbed John’s chest with an accusing finger, startling him. “Why did you let that band become your life? I hardly ever see you anymore, John," I tried to yell angrily, but I couldn’t.

Finally saying all these things and seeing them hurt John didn’t bring me the satisfaction I thought it would. I thought telling John how I’ve felt ever since we started growing apart three years ago would fix everything. I wanted to fix everything. I wanted to fix us. I wanted him to feel bad. I wanted to run, but only far enough to make him miss me. But I’ve been running so long that I can’t stop. And now no matter how much he wants, no matter how much he tries, John can’t stop me, either.

John's mouth twitched into a frown at the sight of my watery eyes, but he straightened to his full height to tower over me intimidatingly. “Leave the band out of this, Jazz. You’re being a bitch."

That was the last thing I expected from my twin brother. "You know what, I shouldn't have gone to Mexico with you for spring break. I should have listened to my friends and went to Cali,” I muttered mostly to myself, shoving past John out of the bathroom.

John grabbed my wrist on my way out, preventing me from leaving. "So that’s why you didn’t want to go to Mexico? …Because of me?" John asked, his voice now low. I looked up at him, into his eyes. He looked hurt. But he had hurt me more than I could ever hurt him, so I felt no remorse. None. At all… I think.

“Exactly," I scoffed, breaking his hold on me. “You know what, since I wasted Spring Break with you, I’m spending summer with my friends. Just tell Grandma and Grandpa hi from me when you go to Jekyll by yourself.”

"…Ok," John said, his hand falling from my arm. His head was down so I couldn't see his face, his long tawny hair shadowing his eyes. "I'm gonna go now,” he informed me before turning around, head held high as he walked out of my room.

When I heard him leave the house, I walked over and slowly sank down into my bed, feeling a weight lifted off my shoulders...but at the same time, feeling a new weight settle where the old one used to be. I sighed loudly before getting back to my feet and grabbing my keys so I could find and talk to my twin again.