Serendipity's Diary

Diary Entry #5
Mood: Pleasantly Sadistic
Date: Forever And A Day Ago
For a while, you were THE topic for my friends and I, and everyone had an opinion. Don't get a big head. There was nothing more interesting going on.

There was Rynaldi on one side. She wanted to be the one to tell you. I didn't know if I could let that happen.

There was Mason, my friend who I affectionately referred to as my "internet boyfriend" to the amazement of my friends. In truth he was my new IGBF: Internet Guy Best Friend. He said I should tell you straight up how I felt and that if you really liked me, there was nothing I could do to drive you away. He called himself my "sexy Dr. Phil." I found that hilarious, but I don't know if he was right. Maybe I just don't have the guts.

And what about Rosaleen, who reminded me at one point that I wasn't hiding my feelings for you. That was the point. I wanted you to see, to notice me, to respond. I figured you couldn't be that stupid. I was wrong.

There was also Claire who told me I could do better. I was offended, I didn't believe her. Now I find it funny. I still like you but sometimes, in my darkest moments, I think she might be right.

Last but not least, my personal favorite, Sophia. Her relationship advice? An often reiterated, never considered "JUST KISS HIM!!!"

With so much happening, I had to make a choice. Who was I going to listen to?

I decided to go with the ever confident Ryn. On this day, I was going to let Rynaldi tell you how I felt.

Yes, I know, it's elementary, it's childish. I felt the same, but I couldn't do it myself. It was all your fault. I mean, your eyes! You seemed to see through me, to know what I was feeling.

Besides, she has bothered me for so long that I finally had to say, "JUST DO IT BEFORE I HAVE TO CHOKE A BITCH!!!" At least, that's what I was thinking. I could never say anything like that to Ryn.

She'd kill me.

We were in Literature Studies. You asked Mr. Travesty if you could go the restroom. I felt tingles in my spine. Your voice has the same effect on me that your eyes do.

When you left, Ryn and I rehearsed what she was going to say. It was almost time to go and she was going to tell you right after class. Never mind that I had to spend another awkward hour-long class with you. It had to be done.

So what happened next? I'm sure YOU remember this day, Ryan, but for my other readers. I'm going to be a little sadistic today.

I just want to put you in my shoes for a moment. Consider this: I love you but I cannot show it, want you but you cannot know it, need you but I know it'll never be, if only YOU needed ME.

We'll come back to this later.

Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder