Serendipity's Diary

I can't recall the defining moment, but I do, however, recall the day I told my friends.

"So, there's a guy that I kinda like." I started out. We were sitting in the broad hallway outside of Literature Studies, which was instructed by the insufferable Mr. Travesty. Though the halls offered the space necessary to avoid being overheard, the walls snaked and sound bounced around easily. Needless to say, we kept our voices low. Besides, I never actually planned on telling them, just on teasing them. I messed up when I gave in to a game of Twenty Questions.

They asked if they knew him, if he was in our Literature Studies elective, if he was in my chorus elective.

"Yes, yes, and yes." They turned it over in their heads, analyzing and decrypting the facts. They went through a list of possible suspects.

"Daniel? Shane? Mark?"

I laughed and put on my best cheerleader voice. Just because I was a cheerleader didn't mean I couldn't make fun of them. "Idiot, asshole, eww!!!" We all laughed as they continued down the list.

And then my friend Janie spoke up. She was tall, athletic, too smart for her own good.

"Wait, Literature Studies AND chorus? It's got to be Ryan Hall," she said. "He's the only guy in both classes."

It was all I could do to keep from cursing. These were my good girl friends. I was the heathen, the black sheep in the group. I secretly called them The Saints. I had to watch my mouth.

I looked anywhere but at my friends, suddenly extremely interested in actually doing my schoolwork. Now they knew the truth.

I had only told two other friends before them, Jessie and Zoe. Both had laughed hysterically. Jessie had let it slip to another friend, Jackson, who had held it over my head for the longest.

"Ryder!" My friend Rynaldi pushed my shoulder. I had been reminiscing, or a better word would be daydreaming, about the history of my newly outed crush.

Rynaldi was my best friend. I'd known her since forever and she knew more about me than I did. Ryn was the type of girl you noticed when she walked into a room because she had a sort of... presence. She was the type of girl you could describe as pretty, a natural leader, confident. She was everything I'd always wanted to be. She was hell on heels.

And I? I was just hell.

And as the years went by, I took notes. I picked up on her confidence, her leadership skills, her assertive personality. I began to ask myself "What would Rynaldi do?"

"Ry!" She yelled again. She suddenly pulled me out of my daydream.

"What?" I asked, confused for a second at why my friends were all staring at me.

Ryn and Janie looked at me with smug smirks. My friend Liz, the selective overachiever, had finally looked up to digest the situation. And then there was Rose and Serena, who were each giving me playfully disapproving looks.

We all knew that Serena had laid out her life as an old maid. She wanted to live alone. No husband, no kids, and a house full of cats. The thought was depressing and allergy inducing. She was an 8-yr-old in a 15-yr-old's body. She still described guys as "gross." I admired that naive quality in her and secretly coveted it, knowing I could never be that sheltered again.

And then there was Rose. She didn't have time for guys either. She was too busy taking over the world.

The innocence shared between the two of them was enough to make me feel like a full-blown slut.

The girls had just begun to comprehend, and like Jessie and Zoe before them, laughed until they were red in the face.

"Wait, Ry, so when did this happen?" I would later find humor in the tone of her voice, but in that moment I didn't know what to think.

"I... I don't know." I kept my eyes trained down, laughing with the girls, but feeling slightly hurt.

And as if on cue, who should walk out of Literature Studies? None other than, Mr. Popular himself, Ryan Hall.

He walked down the hall and out of earshot. I immediately became The Bitchy Creature from the Black Lagoon.

"Listen, y'all. You know I love you to death, but if anyone says ANYTHING to him, they get shanked."

Liz spoke for the first time, finally getting over the hysterics. "What does shanked mean?" It was striking how serious she was.

Of course she didn't know what I was talking about. I made a mental note. I had to start watching what I said around these girls. I didn't want another repeat of the infamous stripper incident.

I didn't know what to say, so I gave her my best intimidating look, slowing down my words. "I can tell you this much: it hurts."

And on that note, Ryan walked back down the hallway. When I thought I was off the hook, he walked over, hitting me playfully with a book he was holding in his hand.

"Hey!" I laughed and he walked across, talking to Janie.

It took me longer than I would have liked to respond. I finally decided on what to do.

I picked up my notebook and threw it across the room, hitting him.

I laughed and so did my friends and he didn't miss a beat. He picked up my notebook and began to walk off toward the classroom.

"Ryan! Could I have my notebook back? Please?" I asked sweetly.

He turned around, handed me my notebook with a smile and sauntered off.

That was the end of my confidence in response to him. That was also the moment I began to write Serendipity's Diary.