Serendipity's Diary

Diary Entry #17
Mood: A Little Upset... With Myself
Date: February 14th, 2012

So, when Lit. Studies ended, we went to chorus. We all knew that if you were going to give them to someone, it would be during chorus.

As usual, I sat down at the large piano at the front of the class to begin playing. People would usually crowd around the piano to see what I was playing, but not today. Today you were the only one.

You came and stood in front of the piano, moving my music and distracting me. I chastized you playfully.

Or what I thought was playfully. I never knew how to be flirty, especially around you. Maybe I was a little too serious?

You stood there awkardly for a second later and then walked away. I was pissed. With myself.

So, later Tia came to sit with friends. She looked upset. I asked what was wrong.

"Ryan got me roses, but I have a boyfriend and I feel really bad." she said.

I put my hand over my heart, the way I always do when something surprises me.
I looked over at you. You were smiling, joking with friends.

You... asshole! You let Tia feel bad while you were smiling? You could at least have the common courtesy to look heartbroken!

But I guess you're just a bounce-back kid. I think you took those roses and split them up between your girl friends, emphasis on the space once again.

Needless to say, I was not included.

I had to tell all my girls. Belle and Rah found it hilarious and everyone else was just sort of like, "No! Oh, Ryder, I'm so sorry!"

I was somewhere in between.

I actually wrote several Serendipity's Diary entries on this day.

You Never Knew

You never knew you were the one I watched out of the corner of my eye.
You never knew you were the only one with the power to make me shy.
I'll never be yours, but neither will she.
She's got some other guy, how ironic could that be?
You never knew how it felt when I had to watch you go,
And if I get my own way, you will never know.

What Just Friends Are For

You brought her roses on Valentine's Day, and not me. But it's okay because she turned you down. She has a boyfriend. And I find it funny and ironic because all this time I thought you wanted me too. But I wanted you, and you wanted her, and she's got someone else. But I can see that you are hurting. So I will hug you and tell you what a great guy you are and give you girl advice. Because that's what "just friends" are for.

I realized that that last part about girl advice and hugging you because you were upset would be easier if you and I were actually friends. So I guess you're on your own.

And so am I.

Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder