Status: Experimenting with layouts, bear with me! XOXO, Errbear
Serendipity's Diary
You Decide
Diary Entry #42
Mood: ...
Date: April 19th, 2012
I would like to say that yesterday was uneventful, but I can't.
I started off the day walking to my science teacher's classroom with Sarabella and Kerah to grab some things I'd left in her room. Ryan's locker sits right outside the science teacher's room, hence the reason I didn't want to walk alone. As the three of us walked back, Sarabella notice Ryan standing there and decided to do something drastic. She ran around from my left, tapped Ryan on the shoulder and ran back to my side.
I knew what was going on and I just kept looking straight ahead. I wasn't even embarrassed. Does that mean that I no longer feel anything? Or was I just sick and tired of being that chick who can't function when he's around? You decide.
Anyone as the day went on, Ryan and I had no interaction whatsoever. Sometimes it's interesting when we're right next to each other and he looks like he wants to say something but doesn't. I wish he would.
We got to chorus and this is where things got crazy. Jessie and I were talking, just like normal, when Zoe came over to hug her. Jessie flipped.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jess said, snatching away.
"Jess, chill!" I said. She kept on, screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Jess, what's wrong with you?"
"I DON'T WANNA FUCKING BE TOUCHED! IS THAT SO WRONG?!?!?"
People were beginning to stare and whisper. "What's wrong with her? Who touched her?"
She continued and her face was screwed up for the rest of the day.
As class came to a close, I went back to my seat to wait for Jess. I was going to ask if she would be at the piano practice we had today.
She sat down and violently pulled her chair away from mine and faced the wall.
"Jess!" I said, surprised. I didn't know what her problem with Zoe was, but I knew for a fact that I didn't do anything to her.
"Not in the mood, Ryder." I was pissed. She'd screwed with the wrong bitch.
"Fuck. You. Too." I walked away then, without telling her I loved her as usual. I was beyond pissed.
Was I harsh? Could I have been nicer? I honestly don't care, but once again, you decide.
Today we went on a field trip to the state museum to see the Civil War and Revolutionary War exhibits. It was incredibly boring. The good part was that we got to go to the mall food court.
By the time we got back to school, Lit. Studies was just ending and piano was about to begin. I was not in the mood to go to piano. In talking about the Jessie incident with Ryn, she told me that I wasn't going to be able to ignore Jessie like I wanted to. The thing about Ryn is that she knows me better than I do. She was exactly right. Sorry, Ryn.
I did talk to her. She told me what her problem was. I still can't exactly forgive her, though.
Here's the reason why: I believe that when you forgive people too quickly, it's like pouring salt into a wound, followed by lemon juice and hand sanitizer. It never heals. By holding a grudge, you allow the wound to scab over and become that thing that you pick at when you get bored. What does that leave? A scar. A scar over your heart.
A scar is a constant reminder of the wrong that was done so that you never let it happen again.
Is that stupid? You decide.
Anyway, the entire chorus class began with an awkward silence. I felt high the entire time, or at least what I imagine it feels like to be high. And then our after-school chorus practice began.
I got energized all of a sudden. Jessie and I joked around and danced and we had our practice until 4.
Of course my mom had to forget about my practice and I live twenty minutes away from school, making me the last to go home. But toward the end, there were maybe 3 of us left: me. another girl, and guess who? Ryan.
He went inside to use our chorus teacher's phone and came back out. I was sitting against the gate outside the gym by myself.
Ryan walked back outside and stood on the other side of the gate. "Are you the last one left?" I answered that the other girl had gone inside and that I was the only other one left.
He walked back inside, mumbling under his breath. From the sound of it, he was not happy.
In all fairness and in the light of total honesty... you're gonna hate me for this. I didn't exactly turn to face him when I answered, which I kinda wish I had.
Part of me hoped that he would sit down beside me. He didn't.
Instead, he walked back outside and walked around the corner. I sat there alone and watched.
He didn't say goodbye. He didn't even look back.
What can I say? I don't think he likes me anymore, if he ever did? Does he?
You decide.
Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder
Mood: ...
Date: April 19th, 2012
I would like to say that yesterday was uneventful, but I can't.
I started off the day walking to my science teacher's classroom with Sarabella and Kerah to grab some things I'd left in her room. Ryan's locker sits right outside the science teacher's room, hence the reason I didn't want to walk alone. As the three of us walked back, Sarabella notice Ryan standing there and decided to do something drastic. She ran around from my left, tapped Ryan on the shoulder and ran back to my side.
I knew what was going on and I just kept looking straight ahead. I wasn't even embarrassed. Does that mean that I no longer feel anything? Or was I just sick and tired of being that chick who can't function when he's around? You decide.
Anyone as the day went on, Ryan and I had no interaction whatsoever. Sometimes it's interesting when we're right next to each other and he looks like he wants to say something but doesn't. I wish he would.
We got to chorus and this is where things got crazy. Jessie and I were talking, just like normal, when Zoe came over to hug her. Jessie flipped.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Jess said, snatching away.
"Jess, chill!" I said. She kept on, screaming at the top of her lungs.
"Jess, what's wrong with you?"
"I DON'T WANNA FUCKING BE TOUCHED! IS THAT SO WRONG?!?!?"
People were beginning to stare and whisper. "What's wrong with her? Who touched her?"
She continued and her face was screwed up for the rest of the day.
As class came to a close, I went back to my seat to wait for Jess. I was going to ask if she would be at the piano practice we had today.
She sat down and violently pulled her chair away from mine and faced the wall.
"Jess!" I said, surprised. I didn't know what her problem with Zoe was, but I knew for a fact that I didn't do anything to her.
"Not in the mood, Ryder." I was pissed. She'd screwed with the wrong bitch.
"Fuck. You. Too." I walked away then, without telling her I loved her as usual. I was beyond pissed.
Was I harsh? Could I have been nicer? I honestly don't care, but once again, you decide.
Today we went on a field trip to the state museum to see the Civil War and Revolutionary War exhibits. It was incredibly boring. The good part was that we got to go to the mall food court.
By the time we got back to school, Lit. Studies was just ending and piano was about to begin. I was not in the mood to go to piano. In talking about the Jessie incident with Ryn, she told me that I wasn't going to be able to ignore Jessie like I wanted to. The thing about Ryn is that she knows me better than I do. She was exactly right. Sorry, Ryn.
I did talk to her. She told me what her problem was. I still can't exactly forgive her, though.
Here's the reason why: I believe that when you forgive people too quickly, it's like pouring salt into a wound, followed by lemon juice and hand sanitizer. It never heals. By holding a grudge, you allow the wound to scab over and become that thing that you pick at when you get bored. What does that leave? A scar. A scar over your heart.
A scar is a constant reminder of the wrong that was done so that you never let it happen again.
Is that stupid? You decide.
Anyway, the entire chorus class began with an awkward silence. I felt high the entire time, or at least what I imagine it feels like to be high. And then our after-school chorus practice began.
I got energized all of a sudden. Jessie and I joked around and danced and we had our practice until 4.
Of course my mom had to forget about my practice and I live twenty minutes away from school, making me the last to go home. But toward the end, there were maybe 3 of us left: me. another girl, and guess who? Ryan.
He went inside to use our chorus teacher's phone and came back out. I was sitting against the gate outside the gym by myself.
Ryan walked back outside and stood on the other side of the gate. "Are you the last one left?" I answered that the other girl had gone inside and that I was the only other one left.
He walked back inside, mumbling under his breath. From the sound of it, he was not happy.
In all fairness and in the light of total honesty... you're gonna hate me for this. I didn't exactly turn to face him when I answered, which I kinda wish I had.
Part of me hoped that he would sit down beside me. He didn't.
Instead, he walked back outside and walked around the corner. I sat there alone and watched.
He didn't say goodbye. He didn't even look back.
What can I say? I don't think he likes me anymore, if he ever did? Does he?
You decide.
Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder
♠ ♠ ♠
Just learned how to do gradient today! YAY! :)Okay, so anywhere that it says "You decide", I really would love to know your opinion. You guys give me insight into my own life :).
XOXO,
Errbear