Serendipity's Diary

Diary Entry #45
Mood: Pissed Off
Date: April 23rd, 2012
I give up. I give up. I GIVE UP.

I have spent the past three years in a single gender program. From this program, I have learned a few things:

Number 1: I hate people. Because with people comes stupidity, and with stupidity comes bullshit and I don't do bullshit.

Number 2: You have to find people you love who love you back. These people often know you better than you know yourself. They can tell you what you're gonna do before you do it. And they're honest with you, and they let you be honest too. Rynaldi, Sophia, Janie, Serena, Rose, Zoe, London, Rosaleen, Layla, Liz and any of you that I may have forgotten? Thank you for being those girls. I love you. You've never put me through any bullshit, and you know I don't do bullshit.

And finally...

Number 3: I hate girls, excluding of course, my girls. Because with girls comes drama and with drama comes bullshit. And I don't do bullshit.

Moral of the story?

Ryder does not do bullshit.

So today's entry is all about how I was attacked by the Bullshit Brigade.

I started off the day pretty well, besides the fact that I was extremely tired. I suffered through the day, and finally made it to lunch.

At lunch, I was informed that some of the girls, including the ever popular Chloe, had been talking about Hannah behind her back. Hannah is the best. She and I were cheerleaders together and she’s such a fun person to be around.

Chloe and the girls in Chloe’s group are Hannah’s “best friends.”

So someone had to tell her, right? Well, the entire thing had me pissed off from the very beginning. Why would any of those girls want to talk about Hannah after all the bullshit she put up with from them? Why does she put up with that bullshit anyway?

I digress. So we decided someone needed to tell her. But it couldn’t be done today. Hannah just found out that she made Junior Varsity cheer and she was so happy.

I couldn’t bring myself to ruin that. And neither could London or any of the other girls. So we will tell her soon.

But my day only got crazier from there.



We had a school assembly today. The army band from our local Air Force base came to perform.

Everyone looked bored out of their mind. I had a blast. It was the music. When I hear music, I get this big goofy smile on my face. I can’t help it. That’s what music does to me.

When they performed songs I knew, I sat and sang at the top of my lungs and I danced in my seat. I could feel the guys sitting behind me watching and laughing (yes, Ryan was there and yes, he was laughing, not necessarily at me) but I didn’t care. I was enjoying myself and when it was over, I was refreshed and I was ready for chorus class.



When I got to chorus class, I sat waiting on Jessie. Now, Jessie and I sit next to friends of Ryan’s. Ryan comes over to talk to his friends every day. Today, Ryan came over to talk to them before Jessie walked into the classroom. He sat in the empty seat next to me. Normally, he just talks to his friends, but today was different.

Today, he turned to face me and raised his hand. I high-fived him, smiled and went back to waiting. He’d actually paid me attention! He’d initiated the interaction! I was on Cloud Nine.

And then Jessie entered the room. And I came straight back to Earth. And fell on my face.

She immediately came in and started bitching about God-knows-what. Ryan was still sitting in Jessie’s seat and that was when it got bad.

She walks over and starts bitching at Ryan about being in her seat. Not “Hey, Ryan, mind if I have my seat back?” No, more along the lines of “Hey, Ryan, get your ass out of my chair!”

What. The. Fuck? Why? What was her problem?

She was upset about something, but it all comes back to some guy she’s quote “in love with,” unquote. I think it’s all complete and utter bullshit. And what does Ryder not do?

Exactly.

So I listened to her go on, but I was pretty pissed. Seriously, what was wrong with her? Was that whole Ryan thing necessary? I guess she figured if she’s not happy, nobody’s happy. Bitchy much, Jess?

I apologized to Ryan as he began to walk away and, as usual, I don’t think he heard me.

But I had a problem with the fact that she had the nerve to get an attitude with me! After all that I’ve been through with her? Hell no.

She can get an attitude with everyone else for absolutely no reason at all, but not with me. Because I didn’t do shit to her.

So I give up, and I told her, too. I haven’t even met this guy that she’s infatuated with, and I already refer to him as that asshole.

David Levithan once wrote, "I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me." I believe this quote reflects my life perfectly, except for one little thing.

I am constantly torn between all the different methods I could use to kill everyone around me.

And yes, I hope she’s reading this. And I hope she realizes:

I can't take it anymore.

Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder