Serendipity's Diary

Diary Entry #53
Mood: Wanting More
Date: May 3 and 4, 2012
We’ll start out with the 3rd, yesterday. Not much happened. Yesterday when I got to chorus, I stood talking to Jessie. Ryan came up behind us.

“Hey, it’s Marcus' lady friend,” he said. He raised his hand to high five me. I laughed and high-fived him.

Okay, so you guys know how I always have something cute to say back to him, but I never have it in my mind at the right time?

This time I came up with two while he was talking. And I didn’t say either.

The first was, “Do you know why he calls me that? Cause I have no idea.” Not bad, right? Would have started a conversation.

The second was so much better, but it would’ve been really embarrassing if it didn’t turn out how I wanted it to. “Aw, I’m not your lady friend?” Yes I know, I know. Ryder! Why didn’t you say that?

Because if he had said no, I would not have known what to do, that’s why. But I didn’t say either of those and besides, he’d already started talking to someone else.

And then the day went on. Jessie started talking about her boyfriend who’s upset with her because of something sooo stupid. As we talked, or she talked and I listened, Ryan turned to listen to us.

“Go away, Ryan,” she said. I turned to look at him. “Save me, please,”

He smiled and turned back to his friends. That was basically the highlight of my day.

But I can't help thinking: I wish I was his lady friend.



Now we can talk about today. Once again, not much happened. Okay, today we sat in chorus, like always.

We had an audition for a solo for one of our graduation songs. Now I’m usually pretty confident when it comes to auditioning for things and this time was no different. The only thing that had me nervous was that it was in Spanish.

Before we began our auditions, Jessie and I sat talking. “OMG, Ry, my heart is off the beat!” Jess is all into checking her heartbeat recently. She does it all the time.

“I’m serious, it’s off the beat.” Ryan turned around. “That’s because you’re evil.”

I laughed. “She is evil,” I turned to Jess. “I love you, though.” She laughed and continued to talk about how nervous she was and then we started on our auditions.

I went third. I’d sat next to Ryan and heard him clap for all the other girls who were auditioning. But when I went up, I heard him shushing his friends. Aww, how sweet! Is that what you’re thinking?

I’ve heard him do that before, on sight-singing quizzes and things, but this time it made me nervous. So I began to sing and I felt like I’d ruined it. I was pretty sure I’d ruined it. Which made mad because whenever I began to sing in front of the class, people would sit and be quiet. And just listen.

Okay, I’ve been trying to be nicer to him here in Serendipity’s Diary but… Ryan? Thanks a lot.

Anyway, when I finished, Ryan high-fived me and his friend… the best I can describe it as is “twinkle-fingers.” He made me do that. If that doesn’t give you a picture of how stupid it looked, nothing will.

One of the other girls went next. When she finished Ryan told her, “That was the best one yet,” I laughed.

“Well, I feel loved!” I said, and then quickly, “Just joking,” He smiled and then it was Jessie’s turn.

She did an amazing job. I’m sooo proud of her! I think she and the girl who went after me will get the two solos which would be great! But we’ll come back to this.

So you remember Ryan’s date to the dance? Just in case you’ve forgotten they aren’t actually going to the dance together, so don’t go rioting and setting shit on fire. It was just a joke. Anyway, she ended up asking Marcus (my gentleman friend) to go instead, just for the extra credit because she has a boyfriend. He told her today that he didn’t think he could go.

As to whether or not Ryan’s going, I’m still working on that one. It’s next Friday. That gives me four more days. Wish me luck.

So that’s that. Oh, and the sunglasses! Today, I wore my pink plastic sunglasses that I got at our miniature version of our state fair. Ryan took them from me at the beginning of chorus class and didn’t take them off until the end.

If I were one of those super corny girls, I would never take them off.

At the end of class, Ryan high-fived both me and Jessie again to tell us how well we did and our chorus teacher started giving announcements.

“Remember, the Carowinds money is due on Monday!” Next Saturday, people in the class who want to go are going to the amusement park, Carowinds. I’m so excited, but I don’t want to go alone and none of my friends are going. Except for Jessie, who may or may not go. If she doesn’t go, it’ll be just me, my music, and a bunch of roller coasters.

I’m not a huge fan of roller coasters.

I turned to ask her if she’d decided to go or not. “I don’t know yet! I’ll try to convince my mom,” she said.

I told her she had to go, or I would die.

“Dang it!” Ryan said next to me. I turned to look at him.

“I almost forgot that the money was due on Monday,” he said. He turned toward me. “If I forget, it’ll be your fault.” I only smiled.

Yes, I know he expects me to say something when he says these things, but… those eyes. The important thing is that he'll be there. This could be an opportunity.

But you know what I’m afraid of? I’m afraid that he sees my playing with his friend as “flirting” and doesn’t realize that I can’t do that with him because I’m shy around him. I’ve got to step up my game.

But there's another thing. I've realized that Ryan talks to Jessie and I a lot more. He'll just sorta engage us in conversation for no reason. He loves to make fun of Jessie and mess with Zoe when she's there. This could be a good thing. Next time... I'll start things off. I'll tap his shoulder and look away, just like he does to me. Or I'll shove him just like I do with his friend. I'll do something. I promise.

But here's what I'm thinking: It’s my fault if you forget something? Can it be my fault that you show off? Can it be my fault that you can’t think straight? Can it be my fault that you never know what to say to me? Can that be my fault? Because it’s your fault that I like you.

Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder