Serendipity's Diary

Diary Entry #54
Mood: Ugh!
Date: May 7, 2012
So... I've decided to give up on Ryan.

Before you go rioting and setting shit on fire (calm down, y'all), let me explain.

Rynaldi and Javier broke up. Apparently, this happened Sunday. At church. And she did it in person. That's my girl.

I kinda feel like I shouldn't be saying this, but I'm gonna say it anyway. After all the other girls met him, they would come back and tell us how amazing he was. Today, and forgive me, Ryn, if this is too soon, but today. Today they made him sound like an ass.

So what does this have to do with Ryan and I? If there's no hope for Rynaldi and Javier, what hope do the rest of us have? But she's fine. Not upset at all anymore. In fact, I don't think she ever was.

So if you can't already tell, I'm only joking about giving up, but today was less than encouraging.

So let's start with the very beginning of my day. So, everyday, I carpool with a friend of mine and almost everyday we walk into the door that is right next to Ryan's locker. And almost everyday, he's there when we walk in. And almost everyday, he doesn't even look when we walk by.

Today was different. Today as I walked in, he did that thing he always does.

"Ryder!" he whispered. I was talking with my friend, so I couldn't turn around. But I smiled to myself, just like always. The perfect start to a Monday.

And then, as the day went on, things got crazy.

So, this was my plan. I was going to go to chorus and Jessie and I were going to start talking about how we were both going to the dance. And I would start talking about how I went dress shopping Saturday. And Ryan would be sitting right next to me. And I would say something like, "Oh, I still haven't chosen a dress!" And I would pull out my phone (actually, my sister's phone, because I got mine taken.) and be like, "I need help choosing a dress!" And Ryan would turn around and start looking at the pictures with me. And realize how damn beautiful I look in the dresses! Perfect plan, right?

Here's where it went wrong: 1) Eric sat next to me instead. 2) Jessie's not going to the dance anymore.

And guess what? She may or may not go to Carowinds also. I was begging her to go.

"Please! You have to go!" I said.

"Yeah, you can't leave me and Ryder alone!" Eric said.

Me and Ryder ? Hell no. Not happening. And I made sure that he knew it.

"No, you can't leave me alone." I said forcefully.

"Ryder and I," he repeated. And we went back and forth multiple times.

I won't make her feel bad about it, but I swear if I am left alone with that asshole, I will hate Jessie forever. And then some.

And then Marcus and I had our normal slap fight. He won.

And then something... weird happened. Marcus? Slapped me on the arm. Hard.

That's not the weird part. The weird part is after I smiled and ignored him because I was doing something, he turned away. After a few minutes, he turned back to me.

"Hey, Ryder, can I have your number?" My first thought was "Yes." I mean, why not? He's just a friend. And he's close friends with the guy I have a crush on, not that I'd tell him. And on top of that, his "girlfriend"... I might have been wrong. They might not be dating. I'm not sure.

My second thought? "Damn it, I got my phone taken!" So that's what I told him.

"I would definitely give it to you, but I got my phone taken," I said. Which was true. But it does sound like a lie, doesn't it?

"No, you didn't!" he said.

"Yes, I did!" I replied. He asked what for, and I replied that I'd gotten it taken for grades.

I definitely would've said no if I didn't want him to have it. I get my phone back on the 1st and I get to "borrow" it back for the Carowinds trip, so I'll give it to him then.

And you know what? His "girlfriend" was listening and watching my reaction. She didn't say a thing. But you know who didn't hear that entire conversation? Ryan.

So he tried it on Jessie next. Why, I don't know.

"Hey, Jessie, can I have your number?" he asked.

"No, I have a boyfriend," she said, and walked away. Gee, Jess, someone thinks a lot of herself. I'm sure he was only asking as a joke. Ryan definitely heard that one.

Ryan didn't speak to me anymore. But at the end of class, I sat down at the piano and Ryan walked over and played a bunch of random notes. I laughed and he walked away.

What if, and I'm only dreaming here, but what if Ryan's friend wanted my number to give to Ryan? Oh, shit.

Oh, and on a completely unrelated note... I'm SOOOO proud of Jessie! She got one of the chorus solos! She did amazing! This was the only really amazing thing that happened today.

So my day was a tad fucked up. Ugh!

Why couldn't Ryan ask for my number?"

Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder