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Serendipity's Diary
Infatuation
Diary Entry #60
Mood: Slightly Upset
Date: May 17, 2012
I’m mad, I’m angry, I’m livid. I want nothing more than to punch him in the mouth.
Let’s start closer to the beginning. Today, in Literature Studies, the girls and I got nothing done. Whatsoever.
Instead, we sat talking about Serena’s crush, who sent her a cute Valentine’s picture three months after Valentine’s and about how he asked her to ask some other girl out for him. If I ever get this other girl’s email, I swear I’m gonna send her hate mail. Serena’s told the guy how she feels and he has her do his dirty work? Hell no.
And then we were looking at pictures that I’d sent to Liz that she could send to her crush. One of our least favorite was a picture that read:
For me, it’s been seven months. For Liz, it’s been a few years.
I will say on her behalf, as well as mine… Oh, fuck.
Oh, and we passed around yearbooks to sign. Each of my friends left elaborate, heartfelt messages and we had a blast.
And then I got to chorus. I walked in and sat down, as usual, waiting for Jessie. And then Eric walked in, sitting next to me, as usual. And then Ryan walked in.
As he walked over toward his seat right next to me, he was attacked by one of his girl friends. She hit him repeatedly and he counted out loud. “5… 12… 16… 25… 36… Ryder!!! …48… 55!” I laughed when he called my name. The girl finally walked away.
He turned to me. “You just saw me get hit fifty-five times, and you didn’t do anything?” he asked.
“Your counting is definitely off,” I told him. “No,” he said. “She hit me fifty-five times,” I reached my arm back and smacked his arm. “Fifty-six,” I said.
He threw his arms up in pretend frustration and walked around. I couldn’t help laughing. Talking to Eric, he said, “Dude, you’re on the floor,” Eric stood and moved to the floor. And Ryan sat in the seat next to me.
…Can you tell that I’m smiling right now?
Anyway, Jess finally entered the room and sat next to me. We talked for a while and I did something that would be considered bold for me.
I reached over and hit Ryan’s arm. “Sixty-four,” I said, smiling. In theory, I’d started, which you know I don’t do.
“Oh, are we counting how many times we hit him?” Jess asked. I nodded yes. She reached across me. “Sixty-five,”
Ryan didn’t actually look over at me, but I could see the smile on his face.
It was the same look I get every time he speaks to me.
And a little later, as Jess and I sat talking, Ryan looked over. Seeing my yearbook on the floor, he reached down and grabbed it, flipping through it. “Who’s is this?” he asked.
“Mine,” I answered. “It’s yours?” he asked, sounding… excited. “I’m gonna sign it,” I handed him my pen.
He signed it. It looked like three words, but I couldn’t see what he’d written. And then he passed it off to Marcus. Who passed it off to his girlfriend.
When Ryan finished signing, he’d looked at me funny, making me really wonder what he’d signed.
And while Marcus signed, Ryan read Rynaldi’s signature.
Ryan turned to me. “Just kiss him? What’s that mean?” I laughed. “Inside joke,” I said.
It was like being in the US Army: He didn’t ask, I didn’t tell.
God, I wish he’d asked. He really should’ve asked. Damn, I should’ve told. I really should’ve told.
And then our teacher rearranged us and I had to put my yearbook away. I really wanted to know what they’d all written.
And class ended after a while. I read their signatures.
Marcus’ girlfriend:
Marcus:
It took me a minute to realize that he was talking about our slap fights and I laughed to myself. No, sweetheart. I thought. You’re gonna miss hitting on me.
But I still found it sweet that he cared enough to sign the way he did.
And finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for…
Ryan:
…Buddies? Buddies?
It wasn’t “You’re cool,” or “See you next year!” or “We should go out,” (You know how I am about my fantasies. I can’t help expecting them to come true.)
No, it wasn’t any of that. Everyone else signed with (somewhat) heartfelt messages that they thought through and he signed with four words, two of which were his name. And one of which was the word buddies. He didn’t even include an exclamation point!
High fives all the time and now we’re buddies? I’m gonna sound like a guy when I say this but… I just got stuck in the damn friend zone.
I’m buddies with the one guy who, against my objections and according to psychology, I am quite possibly in love with.
But I can’t find any evidence proving that true. So I will continue to deny it. Until then, I’m going to keep calm and hate this entire situation.
My birthday’s next week. Remember the deadline? Not sure how I feel about that. But until then, I will keep calm and keep trying. This incident has fueled me. I refuse to give up.
It won’t be easy. I have seven days, five if you only count school days, to make my buddy see me as a girlfriend.
Seven days to get out of the friend zone.
Fuck my life.
Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder
Mood: Slightly Upset
Date: May 17, 2012
I’m mad, I’m angry, I’m livid. I want nothing more than to punch him in the mouth.
Let’s start closer to the beginning. Today, in Literature Studies, the girls and I got nothing done. Whatsoever.
Instead, we sat talking about Serena’s crush, who sent her a cute Valentine’s picture three months after Valentine’s and about how he asked her to ask some other girl out for him. If I ever get this other girl’s email, I swear I’m gonna send her hate mail. Serena’s told the guy how she feels and he has her do his dirty work? Hell no.
And then we were looking at pictures that I’d sent to Liz that she could send to her crush. One of our least favorite was a picture that read:
Infatuation can only hold the mind for a maximum of four months. If it exceeds that point, then you are already in love.
For me, it’s been seven months. For Liz, it’s been a few years.
I will say on her behalf, as well as mine… Oh, fuck.
Oh, and we passed around yearbooks to sign. Each of my friends left elaborate, heartfelt messages and we had a blast.
And then I got to chorus. I walked in and sat down, as usual, waiting for Jessie. And then Eric walked in, sitting next to me, as usual. And then Ryan walked in.
As he walked over toward his seat right next to me, he was attacked by one of his girl friends. She hit him repeatedly and he counted out loud. “5… 12… 16… 25… 36… Ryder!!! …48… 55!” I laughed when he called my name. The girl finally walked away.
He turned to me. “You just saw me get hit fifty-five times, and you didn’t do anything?” he asked.
“Your counting is definitely off,” I told him. “No,” he said. “She hit me fifty-five times,” I reached my arm back and smacked his arm. “Fifty-six,” I said.
He threw his arms up in pretend frustration and walked around. I couldn’t help laughing. Talking to Eric, he said, “Dude, you’re on the floor,” Eric stood and moved to the floor. And Ryan sat in the seat next to me.
…Can you tell that I’m smiling right now?
Anyway, Jess finally entered the room and sat next to me. We talked for a while and I did something that would be considered bold for me.
I reached over and hit Ryan’s arm. “Sixty-four,” I said, smiling. In theory, I’d started, which you know I don’t do.
“Oh, are we counting how many times we hit him?” Jess asked. I nodded yes. She reached across me. “Sixty-five,”
Ryan didn’t actually look over at me, but I could see the smile on his face.
It was the same look I get every time he speaks to me.
And a little later, as Jess and I sat talking, Ryan looked over. Seeing my yearbook on the floor, he reached down and grabbed it, flipping through it. “Who’s is this?” he asked.
“Mine,” I answered. “It’s yours?” he asked, sounding… excited. “I’m gonna sign it,” I handed him my pen.
He signed it. It looked like three words, but I couldn’t see what he’d written. And then he passed it off to Marcus. Who passed it off to his girlfriend.
When Ryan finished signing, he’d looked at me funny, making me really wonder what he’d signed.
And while Marcus signed, Ryan read Rynaldi’s signature.
Hey Daniels, We have been best friends since forever. We have had our laughs, our fights, and our cries. I ♥ you! You give me the best advice ever! Just kiss him! ~Your bestest friend, Ryn
Ryan turned to me. “Just kiss him? What’s that mean?” I laughed. “Inside joke,” I said.
It was like being in the US Army: He didn’t ask, I didn’t tell.
God, I wish he’d asked. He really should’ve asked. Damn, I should’ve told. I really should’ve told.
And then our teacher rearranged us and I had to put my yearbook away. I really wanted to know what they’d all written.
And class ended after a while. I read their signatures.
Marcus’ girlfriend:
I’ll see you next year at our new school! Love ya! Oh and your hair is so pretty and long and you’re so smart! Have a nice summer!
Marcus:
Marcus was here. I will miss hitting you!!
It took me a minute to realize that he was talking about our slap fights and I laughed to myself. No, sweetheart. I thought. You’re gonna miss hitting on me.
But I still found it sweet that he cared enough to sign the way he did.
And finally, the moment we’ve been waiting for…
Ryan:
Latin Buddies ~Ryan Hall
…Buddies? Buddies?
It wasn’t “You’re cool,” or “See you next year!” or “We should go out,” (You know how I am about my fantasies. I can’t help expecting them to come true.)
No, it wasn’t any of that. Everyone else signed with (somewhat) heartfelt messages that they thought through and he signed with four words, two of which were his name. And one of which was the word buddies. He didn’t even include an exclamation point!
High fives all the time and now we’re buddies? I’m gonna sound like a guy when I say this but… I just got stuck in the damn friend zone.
I’m buddies with the one guy who, against my objections and according to psychology, I am quite possibly in love with.
But I can’t find any evidence proving that true. So I will continue to deny it. Until then, I’m going to keep calm and hate this entire situation.
My birthday’s next week. Remember the deadline? Not sure how I feel about that. But until then, I will keep calm and keep trying. This incident has fueled me. I refuse to give up.
It won’t be easy. I have seven days, five if you only count school days, to make my buddy see me as a girlfriend.
Seven days to get out of the friend zone.
Fuck my life.
Searching for Serendipity,
Ryder