Never Again

The next few weeks flew by for me. My mom and I were busy getting the nursery ready, after Memaw’s funeral she’d opened up a lot more to the idea of having a grand-child. She even helped me pick out names and shop for baby clothes. It was nice, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I should be doing this with someone else. I hadn’t heard from him in 2 weeks, and I had been avoiding him at school. I was working hard to graduate on time, so whenever I was there I just focused on my work. Jack, however, had become a new fixture in my life that I hadn’t expected. He had stepped in and took the best friend place that Alex had been occupying for the last 4 months. The ringing of the doorbell snapped me out of my trance. Today was the day we were going to the doctor to find out the sex of the baby. I was excited, but scared. I’d be going with Alex. I opened the door to see Jack standing there, looking awfully uncomfortable. “Hey Jack, what’re you doing here?” I said, looking around him to see Alex’s car idling in the drive way. I scoffed. “I came to tell you that Alex can’t miss school today, so he has to bail.” My blood immediately started to boil. “Like hell he is.” I pushed past Jack and made a b-line for the car.

Alex rolled down his window, I noticed Kyra in the passenger seat and she was staring me down. “Look Abbigale, I can’t make it today. I have a test that I can’t miss and I –“ I cut him off. “You’re kidding me! You and I made this baby Alex, not just me, and this appointment is for the baby. We’re going to get to see him or her… find out if it is a him or her…” I drifted off at the end. Kyra poked her head around him. “Look, stop being desperate it’s getting old. He doesn’t want to go with you and he doesn’t want any part of that things life.” Alex didn’t speak, he just turned red. I knew immediately that she was repeating something he’d said to her. I reached inside the car and slapped him. “It’s your loss Gaskarth. This baby deserves better than you anyways.” I then walked to my car and headed to the doctor’s appointment alone.

“Ah, Abbigale it’s so good to see you again!” Janice said, walking into the ultrasound room. She doesn’t normally do the ultrasounds, but she made an exception for me. I smiled a fake smile at her. “I’m great, just tired. This baby is taking all of the energy out of me.” I laughed near the end. She could tell that something was wrong. “Where’s Alex?” she said, in a concerned voice. “He’s not… around much these days.” I sighed. She shook her head. “Does your dad know?” I shook my head violently, “No! Please don’t mention anything, I don’t want him to kill him. I just think it’s time to let Alex do what he wants. I can’t control him any more than I can control this baby right now.” She nodded. “I always said you were wise beyond your years, honey.” I smiled back at her. She put the goop on my belly just like she did before, only this time I was alone and the belly had gotten much bigger. I shook the thoughts from my head just as a picture appeared on the screen in front of me. I gasped, and let a couple of tears flow down my cheeks as my baby appeared. “Congratulations mommy, it’s a boy!” I smiled, realizing I wasn’t alone and I never would be, ever again.

Alex’s POV:

“Alex, stop that.” She giggled in my ear. Her voice made my skin crawl, but she made Abbigale mad and that’s all I really wanted her for. I’d been going over the day of our break up in my head for weeks and I couldn’t believe that Abby wasn’t more upset over losing me. That’s why I said those things to Kyra about not wanting the baby, I had to get some kind of reaction out of her. The tears were more than I could handle though. I pulled away from Kyra’s neck. “I’m going to skip today, and go work on some songs. I’ll pick you up at 3:30 though.” “Alright, baby. I love you Alexanderrrr.” She smiled and giggled at the end. I nearly puked. “I’ll see you later Kyra.” She then got out and I was headed to my real destination, the doctor’s office.

I pulled into the parking lot just in time to see Abby walking out. She was holding pictures and smiling, until her eyes locked with mine. She bit her lip as I walked closer to her, I couldn’t help but want to kiss her again, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. “Abbs… I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean those things that I let Kyra say. I don’t know why I didn’t stop her but I’m an idiot for it.” She just nodded and dug into her purse, pulling out an envelope. “Here’s a cd with pictures on it and a dvd. We’re having a boy, by the way.” She said, emotionless. She shoved the envelope into my hands and shoved past me. I couldn’t let her leave. “Abby, please baby I need to talk to you.” “Don’t… just don’t Alex. I can’t take it anymore.” She was crying, and I couldn’t stand it any longer. “I love you Abbigale. I know I didn’t show it but I have a really good reason, if you’d just let me explain it.” I pulled her into my chest and held her there. “You have five minutes… but can we get in my car? It’s cold out here?” I laughed. “Yes, we can baby.” I opened her door for her and let her in before going around and getting in myself. “So talk Gaskarth. Why don’t you want me or my baby?”

Her words made my heart hurt. “I do want you and him, by the way he’s OUR baby.” She snorted. “He is! I made him WITH you! I want him in my life, and I want.. no I need you in my life. I am so in love with you Abbs. The reason I kissed Kyra and acted strangely is because she knows something about me that no one else does and she was going to tell you. I couldn’t let her do that… if this got out then I’d be in so much trouble…” I drifted off, feeling ashamed of myself all over again. “What is it?” I sighed, I was hoping she wouldn’t ask that. “After a really close… friend… committed suicide, I went to a bad place. I wasn’t happy with myself and I wasn’t happy with life. I thought about killing myself, but I couldn’t do that I was too scared. I started… drinking a lot. One night, Kyra and I got into it after I had went on a binge, and I hit her. I didn’t meant to but I… I hurt her Abby.” She was chewing her lip. “Since then, I’ve gotten help. I went to therapy for a while and now I would never do that… especially to you. I want you to know that because I don’t want to lose you or him over this. I love you both so much.” I was tearing up, and I never cry. She pulled me into her, letting me rest my head on her belly. I hadn’t seen her in a while, and it was bigger than I had remembered. The baby kicked my head, causing us both to laugh. “He’s already trying to protect his mommy.” I said, kissing her stomach lightly. “I love you little man. I’m your daddy and I’m never going to hurt you or your mommy… I promise you that.”