We Can Be Forever

People were probably expecting her to cry out of grief, to mope around in her room all day, or possibly break down from being alone but she hadn’t. Not so soon after her grandmother had passed on, she promised to be strong. She could feel them look out the window whenever she brought her groceries into the house, whenever she walked around town, whenever she did anything at all. It was as if she was some kind of freak show and now that her grandmother was gone, they were free to stare.

Ruby bit her lips, standing up from her bench swing to go inside. Even after twenty-six years, these people still act as though she were a circus just coming into town. When the phone in her side pocket vibrated, she stared at the words across the screen, briefly not registering the name before it clicked in her head. It was a name that she hasn’t seen in a while now.

I heard the news, how are you holding up?

Well enough.

Any time you need to talk to anyone…

Thank you.

She sat there on the couch, staring at the text and ready to hit send before a message popped up on her Blackberry, indicating that the doorbell was rung. Ruby stared towards the window on the door to see Mrs. Lillian Potter standing there, trying to see inside the house. Oh god, it was that lady again, the one who called everyone a heathen for not going to church while she was not acting very differently from one. Ruby tied her long black hair into a ponytail before checking her clothes to make sure she was presentable before opening the door. The sixty-five-year-old lady with the dyed blonde pixie cut could easily be mistaken for fifty-five for all the charity events that required her to remain active. Her smile was vibrant and almost caring but her eyes told a different story.

She pulled out a note from the basket, presumably containing food, which she was carrying and waited for Ruby to read it. Hi Ruby, I know things have been rough for the past few days. It’s not much, but David and I figured that you might feel better with some of my special blueberry muffins. Any time you want to come over for dinner, please send me a message! Ruby looked up at her blankly, waiting for the lady to initiate the next performance in her act. Lillian handed over the basket, slowly saying, “Like I said, it’s not much… but I wanted to see how you are holding up.”

Ruby cleared her throat, smiling sweetly before she spoke, signing slowly while she did so: “I am fine, Mrs. Potter. I appreciate your concern. At the moment, I am trying to think about what to cook for dinner tonight since I went to get groceries a while ago. Perhaps David and you would like to join me?”

The lady blinked, as though surprised that the girl can speak even though she has been communicating with everyone else that way for years. Ruby waited patiently for the answer with an unreadable smile on her face. What could she possibly say?

"That would be lovely, Ruby, but David and I have already made plans to go out to dinner tonight at La Papillon and I'm sure you're aware of how hard it is to get a reservation there." The lady smiled sweetly and Ruby can tell by the crinkle of her eyes that she did not have any reservations with her husband. Maybe she had a reservation one with the ladies from church for a weekly gossip, but it seemed unlikely that the woman would even be away from her window where she watched for any sign of juicy gossip at her house.

"Alright," Ruby smiled, gripping her door and the basket, "Thank you for these lovely treats. Have a good day, Mrs. Potter.”

It was in that split second that the old lady was not quite her usual self. A look of concern took over her initial expression, one that had been more of a person looking for gossip rather than one of a caring neighbor. “Look, Ruby. I hope you know you are always welcomed at our house. Linda and I may not have a good history but I have known her for almost fifty years, after all, and you are her family.”

Ruby mustered a shaky smile, surprised at her concern and muttered a quick word of thanks before shutting the door. She placed the basket on the table, sighing. She should have been more receptive to other people’s sympathies rather than shrugging them off coldly. They were, after all, trying to look out for her, being aware of her condition. Linda, after the death of her parents, was literally all she had left. The nightmare that took over her life before her senior recital made it almost impossible for her to trust people again.

Three hours later with the dishes cleared and the food tucked into the fridge, she checked her phone to see that she had received an email. Her heart stopped, seeing the name of the sender: Carson Daly. Carson whom she had failed. Carson who had done so much for her and she rejected his efforts when she had come so close to succeeding on The Voice. She wondered how he was doing. The last she had heard from him was from Linda through her correspondents with Pattie – his girlfriend gave birth to a baby boy. It was no surprise that he would send her an email to express his condolences, after all, Pattie had called, undoubtedly in an emotional moment when she had forgotten that Ruby could not communicate that way.

Dear Ruby,

As you may have heard from my mother, a remorseful sorrow fell over my family and I when the news of Linda’s passing have reached us. She has lived a fulfilling life and touched each and every one of us with her bravery and light. I only regret not contacting you sooner to express my condolences, but know that you are always in our prayers.

Please know that my home is always available to you should you ever feel the need to get away. We hope that you would stay with us for some time before going back to the weary conflicts. Everyone needs a break sometimes. Please send word and we will have a room and a ticket ready for you.

Always,
Carson

She stared at the message as her heart fell, both at surprise for his kindness and he reminder that she was truly alone now. No family left at all. What made it worse was her isolation from the world and… what should she even say? How could she tell him that for the sake of her pride, she cannot possibly accept? Being in the same house with the woman who has beaten cancer instead of her grandmother? Ruby hated herself for even breaching the idea but it felt impossible to think of little else when she had lost someone so dear to her.

She stared at the email and, in the end, decided against responding. She wasn’t rational right now and she could not trust herself to respond properly and not hurt her friend. Carson didn't deserve that after telling her that his house was available to her.



Adam cleared his throat and nodded before he recalled that the person on the other line could not see him nodding. He felt a little dizzy, his throat dry, and the ideas were running wild in his head, but somehow he managed to quiet them down long enough to say, “Thanks for letting me know.”

With that, he hung up, looking around the room for something to quench his thirst. When he found the vodka, he started fumbling around his bar for a glass but found nothing. Instead, he banged his cabinets and drawers and downed the bottle. He sighed inwardly when the burning liquid slid down his throat and felt his muscles relax. How long has he been since he last drank? He almost didn’t remember. Last night he had been ordering gin and vodka… but then he remembered going to sleep this morning with the taste of tequila in his mouth.

He ignored the knocking on the door and made his way to his couch before turning off the TV. Without a doubt, the lock on the door started turning and with a click, Jesse turned the knob and walked into the room with a furious expression on his face. The crazy thing was, even in the midst of his self destruction, he knew he was going down the wrong path, he just didn’t remember how he was doing so. One moment he was sitting at some small bar by himself, after having driven probably fifty miles on his motorcycle, not to mention it had been a miracle that he didn’t crash and burn because he hadn’t even been half aware at the time, order some gin and vodka; the next, his fist was sinking into this guy’s face. Then another flash and he was waking up in the dirty smelly jail cell in some unknown town, groaning while his band mates shook him awake and took him home.

And sometimes he woke up in strange places, in the beds of women he had never seen before, the tabloids had a field day with him but soon after, it was no longer interesting to find scandalous things that surrounded Adam Levine, he had embraced it so that it was pointless to even try. No one cared about Adam Levine anymore.

“Adam! What the fuck were you thinking?” Jesse bellowed, shutting the door, “Assault? That guy was going to sue us! Why the hell were you even at that place? You were supposed to be at rehearsal! Do you know how long we have left until we go on tour? A year and we haven’t even finished writing the songs yet!”

Adam hiccupped, staring up at his friend with hazy eyes before he burped, “I was thirsty.”

“Do you even remember what happened? What you did? The entire bar saw that and it hit the front page of the New York Times online before midnight came around,” Jesse threw the newspaper at him, the front page filled with a huge picture of his drunkenness. Adam nudged it aside, settling down on his couch. He heard the cabinet open and the sound of rustling plastic followed by Jesse’s cursing. The clinking of wine bottles made his head hurt and he could only groan in pain when the blinds in his apartment were yanked up. “Damnit, Adam. I’m not your fucking maid. Clean yourself up. We need you to issue an apology to the guy.”

“Sure, write whatever you want,” Adam grunted, proceeding to block out the world with a pillow over his ear. For a while, he was at peace until Jesse jerked the pillow from him, a disgruntled expression on his face. “Leave me alone already!”

“You’re a mess, Adam. I don’t know what the hell happened to you but you bounced back after Jane left. Anne’s gone now. She’s not coming back, Adam. It’s almost a year since she is gone and there isn’t a sign that she’s coming back. You’ve got to move on with your life. Did you know that she’s getting married in the Philippines right now?” Jesse remarked sharply, stepping over the mess on the ground to grab some more beer bottles.

“I don’t care.” He really didn’t. He really didn’t care that she was getting married where they agreed the ceremony would take place when he popped the question. Didn’t matter of course, especially since he didn’t get to pop the question. At the time, he had been too sated with sex to hear what she was saying. So he really didn’t care. Somewhere between the third and fourth glass of vodka, Adam stopped caring and he was just fine with it.

“And our opener cancelled—“

“I know.”

“What are we going to do? Elliot’s furious. If we don’t find another one soon, he’s going to cancel the tour.”

Adam burped before settling on the couch in a more comfortable position, “I guess we don’t have a tour.”

“Fuck this.” Jesse muttered, throwing the stuff outside the apartment before opening the door again. “I’m done being nice and gentle as shit with you.”

That said, he jerked the thirty-two-year-old off the couch and pulled him, despite the protests, towards the bathroom where he turned on the shower to ice cold. Adam cursed and pushed at him but he was too drunk to do anything substantial. Jesse, with a frown, dunked his friend’s head under the shower head, letting the guy scream furiously before a strong push moved him off his feet. He fell on his bottom while Adam fell forward, now soaking wet under the shower head. His shirt and part of his pants were soaking wet, but he didn’t care. If Adam didn’t get sober right away, he was going to sock him in the face.

“Look, Adam. We’re going on tour. The guys and I are going to local bars for the mike nights and we’re going to find a fucking opener by August because that’s when Elliot said he’d cancel the show if we didn’t find one. When we find an opener, we’re going to rehearse our ass off and come December, we’re going on the tour. We can do this with or without you. Don’t think that you’re the only one with a voice! But as your friend, as your fucking best friend, man, I’m telling you. Clean yourself up, get sober, and when you’re straight in the head, give me a call.”

Adam could barely crack his eyes open when he heard the front door slam. He couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his teeth chattering and it was like he was being jerked back to life after holding his breath for so long. He stared around the bathroom, half expecting to see the piles of make up on his bathroom counter, the twin bathrobes hanging on the door, the he and she towels on the rack, but there wasn’t. It was just his stuff. Could this be a dream that he was living? Or could he be waking up from one? Why was it no matter what he did, he couldn’t wake up?

Jesse slammed his car door shut after he got in, furious and breathing hard. He wanted his best friend back so they could go back to the days when they wrote love songs about broken hearts and the perfect girl. He wouldn’t even mind going back to the day when no one heard their music because they were too unknown. But what was one to do?

He had spoken to Anne a few weeks earlier, ready to reprimand her and tell her to go back to Adam when it almost hit the one year mark since she had left. He wanted to tell her to stop playing games and come back into the guy’s life, but she sounded so happy that he could not even bring himself to be mad at her. How could he possibly do that when it was evident that her relationship with Adam should have ended much sooner than it had? Neither of them was happy after Adam’s last tour and when he had accepted the job to be a vocal coach on The Voice, their relationship essentially died. Adam wasn’t home for months at a time and it was no doubt that Anne had to find other ways to keep herself company – if the day when she tried to come onto him out of drunken emotional vulnerability was an example of her interaction with men whenever Adam was away. Even so, she was getting married now.

Reunited with a childhood sweetheart, she found the attention and love she needed ever since she became a model and everyone – even Adam had been guilty of this crime once or twice during his moments of fame – had used her as a trophy girlfriend. Knowing that she was happy, Jesse genuinely wanted her to stay that way. During her five year relationship with Adam, they had become good friends, after all, and it would not be fair of him to demand that she give up that happiness for anyone, even Adam.



“She’s probably fine, Carson,” Siri squeezed his hand in assurance. “It’s understandable that she wants to be away from the world for a while to recover.”

“I am just a little worried, that’s all,” Carson sighed, slowing down when he came to the street that Ruby lived on. When he spotted her house, he started pulling in only to see another black small car sitting in the front. He could see the light in her front door and that there was someone standing there. “What’s going on?”

Siri frowned when she saw the distressed look on the girl’s face while she was facing her visitor. The young girl seemed to be trying to pull away from him and shaking her head furiously, but he wouldn’t listen. Seeing this, Carson got out of the car, followed by his girlfriend, and they made their way to the front door.

“Come with me, Ruby, I’ll take care of you!” It was a man who looked probably a year or two older than the girl who was holding onto her door frame and shaking her head. No one really would have thought anything twice because he looked so normal, wearing a jacket over his button up and khakis. His hair was a dirty shade of blond, a little bit longer than his ears. “You can’t stay by yourself like this, it’s not healthy. People will try to take advantage of you!”

“Leave me alone, Reid! I’m fine! I can take care of myself!” She tried to yank herself away but with no avail. The young man was persistent, refusing to let her go.

“What’s going on here?!” Carson demanded, pulling the man away from Ruby. Siri rushed over and placed her arms around the girl’s shoulder, ushering her inside the house, “Can’t you see she doesn’t want to go with you? Leave the premises now!”

“Who the hell are you? I’m her boyfriend!”

“I don’t care who you are, but all I know is that Ruby didn’t want to go with you. If you don’t leave the premises in five minutes, I am calling the police,” Carson bellowed and gritted his teeth, staring the man down.

Reid bit his lips and glanced over Carson’s shoulder before shaking his head, “This isn’t over.” He shouted over Carson’s shoulder to the girl in the house, “I’m coming back next week, Ruby!”

“Are you okay?” Siri asked, handing the girl a tissue. When the girl reached for her notebook, she stopped her and signed, “I know sign language. My brother, Nathan, was born deaf.”

“I’m fine. It was just unexpected, that’s all. He’s just a friend.” Ruby shook her head, wiping her tears away. Siri stared at the twenty-six-year-old and was instantly reminded of her brother when she bit her lips stubbornly, determined to be okay in a situation that is hard for even average people to remain untouched.

“I’m Siri, Carson’s girlfriend. We didn’t hear back from you for a while so we were kind of worried, that’s all,” she signed.

When the front door closed, they could both hear Carson stomping down the hallway, asking about Ruby’s well-being to make sure that she was not harmed in any way. Siri shook her head furiously when she saw the look on Carson’s face, a look she recognized to be the precursor to that of his lectures of concern. Carson opened his mouth anyways but said nothing; he was there for a reason and making Ruby feel uncomfortable and scared of him would not help his cause.

When he couldn’t quite figure out how to begin the conversation, it seemed as though she had beaten him to it, “What exactly are you doing here, Carson?”

“We were just worried, okay? I know you like to be strong, but sometimes it’s okay to ask for help. Linda was special to us as well,” Carson said, waiting for his girlfriend to translate. When she did, he continued, “She wouldn’t want you to struggle like this senselessly.”

“I’m doing fine by myself—“

“Fine?” Siri shook her head furiously at him but he ignored her, “That was not fine. That kid out there was bothering you and what would have happened if we didn’t come?”

“He was a friend, Carson.”

“So what? It doesn’t always mean that he will be nice to you. Father Stevens was also worried about you and called us. Come live with us, Ruby.”

“I don’t need charity.”

“How are you going to take care of yourself?”

“Carson, stop it, she doesn’t need this right now,” Siri intercepted.

“Yes, she does, Siri, how is she going to pay the bills? Who’s going to hire her? That kid is right, people are going to take advantage of her and I’ll be damned if I’ll let it happen!” He wanted to hit something but decided against it. There was no use showing his anger in front of her, he already messed up but snapping at her. He kneeled down in front of her and said softly but clearly, “Look, Ruby. I care about you. I know you did what you did on The Voice was so I wouldn’t get into trouble and man I was willing to get in trouble for you but I’m also thankful you did what you did because you’re a good person. I think it sucks that you missed out on a chance on The Voice and while I can’t offer something like that again in a very long time, I just want to bring you to LA where you could have another chance at letting people discover you for who you are. Get away from all of this. Now that Linda’s gone, what do you have left to stay for?”

He was right, she can’t argue with that. Ruby knew, even in her stubbornness, that eventually she was going to have to choose and she didn’t want to go with Reid. Before she could respond, Siri added in, “Think of it this way… even if you move in with us, you won’t be able to start singing right away. Carson promised me a summer in Hawaii and during that time, Pattie’s going to be campaigning for Susan B. Komen’s to be the president. So we’re going to be in need of a babysitter and I can tell you that Jackson is incredibly adorable, he loves to learn, and he’ll probably love to sing too.”

Carson wanted to kiss his girlfriend right now. Trust her to open her mouth and have Ruby feel better right away. The girl looked down in deep contemplation. Obviously this was two offers that would be hard to resist. Siri continued softly, squeezing the girl’s hand, “Look, you don’t have to answer us now, but think about it tonight and let us know, okay?”

Ruby smiled softly as though reassured and nodded before she signed, “Did you guys just arrive today? Where are you staying? If you just got here… then stay in the guest bedroom, it’s the least I could do if you two came all the way here to check on me.”

Siri smiled and thanked her before allowing her to lead them to the other room. It was a quaint room, as if recently bereft of its innocent girlishness after Linda’s passing. The room was tidy and a dark calming green with cool earthy tone for the bed sheets, something unexpectedly mature for a girl like Ruby. Not that she herself was not mature, but Siri had imagined, upon her first impression of the girl trying to get away from her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend, that she would have a room of white with dashes of pink and then some, but it seemed that life has shaped her to be much stronger than that.

“While you guys settle in, I will get the towels and toothbrushes—“

“It’s okay, we already have some,” Siri cut her off by pulling Ruby by the arm and signed. Carson was out of the room again, leaving it to be just the two of them to talk as girls. “Ruby, can I ask you a question, girl to girl?”

She waited to be asked and Siri continued, “Why do you choose to stay with this house?”
Ruby signed, “It’s my home. It’s all I have left of my grandma.”

“Oh Ruby,” Siri hugged the younger girl, not wanting to be seen tearing up. She pulled back and smiled softly before signing, “It’s not like that. Linda will always be with you no matter where you go. She doesn’t want to see you bearing this pain of trying to hold onto the house after she’s gone if that isn’t what you want to do.”

“But I do want to keep this house, for her. I have lived here during my weakest times.”

“I know, you were wounded and she had nursed you and watched over you and kept you underneath her wings… I know that you tried to fly before but you fell and hurt yourself, but now she’s not here anymore and Linda would want you to have your chance at flight again. It’s what you’re meant to do, Ruby. You have to fly to your dreams,” Siri responded, “Sometimes you have to leave the nest, but that doesn’t mean you can’t come back from time to time to visit, even if there’s no one here.”

Ruby looked down to the ground, as if to think about what she had just said, before she nodded and finally muttered a quiet “Good night.” When she passed Carson on the way, he stopped her and mouthed an apology before handing her a folded piece of paper. She smiled and bid him goodnight before she went back to her room.

What a crazy night. First she was coming back after a failed interview from one of the places she had applied to a few weeks ago, and then Reid was on her doorsteps, pleading her to come home with him because he regretted how their relationship had ended, him dumping her before senior prom because she was now a deaf tenor. And now, Carson and his girlfriend Siri were staying at her house and giving her a chance to leave this town forever. It seemed like just another one of those once in a lifetime opportunities that is coming around. How can she make the right choice? How can she leave this place, this place where she had nursed her wound and flourished because of Linda’s caring? Yet how can she stay now that her last mother figure has left her?

She opened up the piece of paper that Carson had given her a while ago and stared at the words on the page. As she read each one of them, her choice began to form. The tears started falling from her eyes and she felt her entire world crumble around her. Silent sobs racked her body while the pain and sadness from the past few weeks had finally come flowing out. She had finally begun the mourning of her beloved grandmother. Ruby sat up for another hour before she finally lied down in bed and drifted off to a dreamless sleep with dry trail of tears down her cheeks. Even though it was without dreams, she could not remember a better night in her life.

The next day, she joined Carson and Siri, who had gone out earlier that morning to grab some breakfast when they saw that there was little to no food left in the fridge. The tray of pancakes was waiting on the kitchen table while Carson read the papers and Siri explored the house. She sat down and stared at the steaming pancakes and inhaled the sweet syrupy scent of maple. It has been a while since she has woken up to breakfast, at least, the last time being when she woke up at the hospital, unable to hear her own voice. Carson didn’t say anything to her or at least she didn’t know he had until he put the newspaper down and looked at her. Ruby blinked and stared at him until she felt Siri touch her arm and signed his message, “Did you have a good night’s sleep? We tried to wake you up before going out to eat this morning, but it seemed like you were completely out.”

She nodded and smiled before thanking them for breakfast. After breakfast, she pulled Siri to the couch where Carson was sitting and sat her down before getting herself seated in front of them. She took a deep breath before taking a piece of paper out of her pocket and sliding it in front of them.

If the opportunity is still available, I’d like to come with you to California.