We Can Be Forever

It was like living in the darkness for months only to be tossed into the light. Adam has gone almost five hours without a drink and right now he could barely see the strings on his guitar. He belted out the final note before the loud bang of the drums and the song was over. He let out a deep exhale before taking off his guitar and leaving the studio. He sat down in the back garden, placing his head between his knees. It had been stifling in there, all that noise and the lack of air. He felt as though years of singing had disappeared during those months of lounging around the house and drowning himself in alcohol.

He jumped at the chill touching his head and grabbed the water bottle as an offering. By the time Jesse plopped down beside him, he had already swallowed half of it. The cool liquid slid down his throat but did not do much to quench his thirst for something stronger. They sat in the silence for a while on the bench outside the studio, watching as other bands and singers made their way in and out of the studio with equipment, much like they had when they first started their careers. That comfortable silence loomed over them and for a moment, it almost fell back into how it always has been until Jesse asked, “You doing okay?”

“Good enough,” he grunted, swallowing the rest of the water and chucking it into the trash can nearby.

“You can tell me, you know. I’m your best friend, Adam. I know from personal experience how hard it is,” Jesse remarked.

Adam raised an eyebrow when he offered him a stick of gum. Did Jesse stop smoking? Usually it was Jesse who was outside the studio, smoking another cigarette and taking more breaks than all of the band members combined. “No offense, Jesse. I appreciate you trying to be understanding, but none of your relationships since high school have lasted more than a week. So—“

“I wasn’t talking about that. The drinking. I can tell from the look on your face, Adam,” Jesse responded, eating a piece of gum. “That was me almost two years ago. I’ve been sober for about six months now. It’s not easy at first, but when you decide you’re going to fight it, you’re going to fight it. We got your back, man. I got your back.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? About the drinking?”

“Why do you think?” Jesse shrugged, “You were always busy, man. Somewhere along the way, you didn’t have time for us anymore.”

“Sorry.”

“No big deal.”

“She’s getting married, huh?” There was a kind of sardonic quality to Adam’s voice, as if the idea that they wouldn’t last has always been obvious to him because Anne wanted nothing but to get married and start a family and Adam simply didn’t. He wasn’t emotionally ready for any of that and everyone knew it would eventually end. “Who’s the lucky bastard?”

“Some guy named Nikolai. Apparently he is a best friend of hers when they used to live in the same neighborhood.” Jesse had met the guy and upon seeing the way he looked at Anne when he thought she wasn’t looking, he felt it would almost be wrong not to give his approval. If love could truly be so timeless, Jesse didn’t mind believing in it if only for a second.

“Well good riddance,” Adam muttered, standing up and kicking the ground.

When they returned to rehearsal, Adam felt his voice come back, if only by a little. He still cracked at some of the higher notes, but it was reassuring to know that it was due to his recent change in routines. Things between Anne and him, in some ways, were truly over now. There were lingering strings that connected them but none in ways that could ever go back to what it was before. So he had to keep moving. He had to stay busy.

Jesse and he went out to eat and it was probably only because his best friend ordered non-alcoholic drinks that Adam was able to resist ordering a beer. Then again, at Bucky’s, the owner knew about him and his problems so it would have been hard to order a drink to begin with. While waiting for their meal, Adam noticed a familiar face come into the restaurant. “Hey Carson!”

Carson looked his way and nodded at him, smiling before making a beeline towards his table. “Hey guys, what’s the occasion?”

“First day hard at work, that’s what,” Jesse responded, “Taking the lady out?”

“Sorta, it’s the entire family tonight,” Carson remarked. “It’s Jackson’s birthday and we’re showing a friend around town.”

They talked for a while; Carson was sharing details about the new season of The Voice and how regretful it was that Adam was not joining them this time around. Adam shrugged and spoke about how it has been a while since he has traveled. Though those were the words spoken, the three guys knew what he had really meant about leaving the states. People disliked him here, he had to leave the scene for a while and come back with a clean slate. They talked about Carson’s upcoming vacation, how he wasn’t going to be in town because Siri had insisted on a vacation. Finally when Carson heard his name being called, he looked over to see his girlfriend at the door. She smiled at the guys and pointed to Carson.

He beckoned her over but she was shaking her head, mouthing something at him while she pointed towards the door. He apologized briefly before heading her way. They exchanged a few words before heading over to the table and Siri greeted the two men with a kiss on the cheeks and hugs. “Hi Adam and Jesse. I hope you two are doing well! You both look awesome right now.”

“Where’s the little man? How old is he?” Jesse asked, chuckling.

“He’s pouting in the car, that’s what he’s doing,” Siri rolled her eyes affectionately, “Originally we were talking about going to Bucky’s and bringing a cake but a while ago, Nathan brought up the name of this new ice cream place that just opened up and so now he wants to go over there. Three-year-olds are such a handful.”

“Hey, as long as he’s little like that, you can still bring him places, next thing you know, he’ll be driving you places,” Adam pointed out.

“Oh, I wish. This kid loves cars so much, it’s hard to get him out of a car unless it’s to get on a bike,” Carson laughed. They talked for a while longer before Siri’s phone went off. When she checked it, she pointed it out to Carson, who finally said, “Hey guys, it’s been nice talking to you. We’re gonna head on over to that new place.”

“Well, it was nice seeing you, man,” Adam nodded, giving a small smile.

Even though they hadn’t been close, there was a good work relationship between them. Adam truly enjoyed listening to all the new talents that Carson brought onstage because all of them, training or not, were bound to go somewhere. The man genuinely care for the people he brought to the spotlight because he truly thought that they could go somewhere with their voices. Carson returned the gesture and said quietly, squeezing his shoulder, “It’s good to see you again, Adam. We should get lunch together sometimes.”

“Thanks man,” Adam nodded.

The older man turned to Jesse and clapped him on the shoulder, “Keep this guy straight, Jesse.”

“Will do, man, give the kid a hug for me.”

With that, Carson left the restaurant.

Adam continued to eat his food silently while Jesse talked about some of the new songs they were writing. New style, new music, they needed a new opener whose voice would mesh with Adam’s so that it would be the perfect transition into their concert. Adam had glanced over the songs and found a piece of him missing from the song. It can’t be helped, after all, he had not been there with the guys when they were trudging through the lyrics and the melodies. He deserved to be missing from the songs. Jesse told him that if there were any changes that needed to be made, he could make note of it and they would all, as a band, come together and talk about these changes. Jesse was trying to help him, he knew, but Adam was not ready to go back to composing yet. He was already stressed out about rehearsal, playing both the old songs he used to sing so well and the new ones that were completely unfamiliar to him.

“Hey, so starting August, me and the guys are going from café to café to check out some of the mic nights. Are you interested in coming with us any time soon?” Jesse asked, taking a bite of his food.

Adam took a sip of his drink. “When are you guys going?”

“I’ll send you a schedule, but, for sure, at The Owl on the 26th, there’s supposed to be some talent show that day. Mickey was going on and on about some of the singers there, thought we might want to check them out, what do you think?”

Adam thought for a while, remembering the place as a regular spot for def jam poetry. He was tempted and it was a Friday but he already had a commitment that day. It was just something he couldn’t break. “Nah man, I have a few things going that day.”

“Alright, let me know.”



“Don’t be nervous,” Siri smiled reassuringly, squeezing her hand. “Today’s only a preliminary. We’re just talking options.”

“What if it doesn’t work out?” Ruby signed with one hand, an anxious expression on her face. “It has been a long time since that has happened, after all.”

“You remember Nathan from last week? I told you about how he was born deaf, right? He went last year and they were able to help him. I don’t think it’ll be too much of an issue for you, Ruby,” she signed.

“I know… but still, you guys don’t have to do this. My communication with other people is adequate, I can read lips just fine, and not to mention, your vacation—“

“Stop right there,” Siri laughed, “It’s okay, seriously. First of all, Carson and I want you hearing and singing by the end of the summer. Second of all, our flight has been delayed for a week, something about a tropical storm in Honolulu, and god forbid we try to travel in this weather. Third of all, don’t worry about paying us back. Instead, be our personal iPod and you’re good to go.”

Ruby smiled, unsure what to say. Instead, when the doctor’s office door opened, she jumped out of her seat, smiling nervously at the doctor who signed fluently to her, “Are you Ruby? Are you ready?”

The twenty-six-year-old nodded. She has been to California for less than a month and she has loved it so much already. With some resistance from being away from home, it was hard for her to wake up two hours later than she was used to. However, what made it all better was meeting Jackson, who had, thanks to his uncle, become somewhat knowledgeable of sign language and greeted her with an affectionately cute welcome upon her arrival to their home. Pattie kissed her on the forehead and hugged her tightly before pulling back with tears in her eyes. It was then that any trace of resentment she had for the old lady disappeared. How could she hate someone whom she and her grandmother loved so dearly?

After a while, she became used to waking up two hours later and taking walks in the morning along the beach side. The sun was beautiful in the morning and from where she had her room, she was always so lucky to catch it rising as she walked out to the balcony. She often joined Siri on her morning walks with Jackson and when she got up early enough, she would go jogging with Carson. The two had been like nothing but brothers and sisters to her, even though she has never had any siblings. Carson always looked out for her and Siri became her closest friend. The girl had taken a liking to her right away and always seemed as though she knew what to say to defuse any situation that had the potential to turn out badly.

When she was introduced to Nathan, her scrawny younger brother who had just graduated with his PhD in film, they connected immediately. He talked about how he loved to be able to connect with the audience through silent films. Both for audiences who could hear and who couldn’t, he strived to bring the common ground to the two groups while they were sitting amongst each other in the theatre. In some ways, he was just like Siri. His light brown hair neatly cut to stop just at the ends of his ears with every strand in place. His bright brown eyes always looked excited to see the people he loved and that differed from the calming welcome with which Siri greeted everyone she knew. They were a pair; that was for sure. Siri loved her brother in spite of all of his flaws and she made sure everyone else did too.

He had been born deaf, unlike Ruby, but had recently gotten a hearing implant. When she had first met Nathan, he had insisted that she visit the doctor he went to see about his hearing implant. The process took months to make sure the hearing implant would work perfectly for him and stay working for a long period of time. He said he heard music for the first time when he woke up to the sound of the birds chirping outside his window after the surgery.

Ruby could think of nothing better than to be able to hear again. It has been almost eight years since her fever and even now it still felt like a nightmare. On days when she slept in, she would imagine waking up to the sound of her mother’s humming as she would pass by her door after bringing the laundry in and the drumming of her dad’s hammering in the basement while he was fixing some treasure he found in the junkyard. However, those days never lasted for long; she would lie there for minutes before giving into the silence.

Her attention snapped back into the room when the doctor touched her on the shoulder on the way over to her desk. The female doctor had returned to the room after she finished getting the files from her nurse. The woman looked to be in her late twenties, her sharp eyes taking in the younger girl with quick assessment. In spite of that, she gave a gentle smile and signed, “Where are my manners? I’m Eve Danner. How are you guys today?”

When Ruby answered, Eve turned to Siri and asked her – as she could only tell from the way her lips moved – “Did Nathan get the medicine I prescribed for him? He said he had some irritation when sleeping at night. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t the implants before calling him in.”

Siri responded back and Eve smiled at her before turning back to Ruby, “Sorry about that, Nathan’s hearing implants are relatively new so we are trying to work out all the kinks. As you probably know, Nathan was born deaf with nerve damage to his ear and after a couple of visits with him, I was able to work out a few things in regards to what implants would be best for him as hearing aids were not compatible with him. With you, as I’ve looked at your medical report, it seems that your hearing loss was due to a fever that brought about an ear infection.”

Ruby swallowed before nodding. Eve continued to sign, “Depending on the results of the tests we will take later on, hearing implants may not be for you. With some people, and I say this carefully because I don’t want to give you any false hope, ear infections are temporary. At some point in their life, people’s immune system starts to fight against the infection and well, to be honest, for others, it’s permanent. Because you were fighting the fever at the time, the tests you’ve taken look to be inconclusive. So the next time you come in, we will be taking some tests and we’ll go from there.

“What we’re here today is to discuss the options. As I’ve said earlier, hearing implants may not be compatible for you. I understand that you’ve never tried any hearing aids?”

Ruby shook her head, “We couldn’t afford it at the time and I had been communicating by pen and paper in addition to having started learning sign language so I didn’t mind too much.”

“Well, that’s not a problem. What we’re going to do is run some tests. If possible, I want to experiment with a few things before we move onto surgery. I am thinking that since your hearing loss is due to a fever, you didn’t receive any damaging concussion that might have permanently ruined the inside of your ear. So I want to start off with giving you some medicine that might help to do away with the infection. I have used it with some of my prior patients who had mild hearing loss from similar causes such as yours and they found that it improved their condition by helping their immune systems.”

“So what happens if the medicine doesn’t work?” Siri asked after a while.

“That’s something we will be prepared for. In the meantime, I will be looking into possible hearing aids that might be compatible for Ruby’s hearing. While we all have similar ear structures, there are certain unique features in terms of the range of hearing and in Ruby’s case, being a singer, certain way of hearing that allows her to translate the tones she hears into her own voice. That’s sometimes lacking in people who might be tone deaf.”

“What are the chances, do you think, of the medicine taking care of the infection?” Ruby signed.

“I wish I can give you a definite number, but until the tests are taken, I don’t want to make any promises. What I can promise is that we will look into giving you what would work best for you. And before you ask, the last resort will be hearing implant. What that will do is essentially make an artificial hearing system to replace your current one, but that is only if there’s no other way to help you restore your old hearing. I can’t promise a perfect return of your hearing, but I can promise that I’ll do my best to help you hear again.”

Ruby looked into the woman’s eyes and she could see her sincerity. She wasn’t sure what to think of everything she had just learned but it seemed like her best hope at the moment. She glanced over Siri and the girl nodded to her and signed, “What do you think, Ruby? Do you want to try this?”

The twenty-six-year-old nodded, “I think it is worth a chance. I just don’t want to burden you guys with this.”

Siri rolled her eyes and responded, “I promise you aren’t. Look, I don’t mean to sound like a rich snob or anything but the money you give us will be a symbolic gesture and nothing more. Carson isn’t the only one in the family who makes good money, you know. Consider this our gift to you as our friend, okay?”

Ruby nodded slowly and turned to Eve, speaking slowly, “If it is okay, please arrange the next appointment.”



Jesse waved at his band mates before adjusting his cap and sunglasses. He opted to go to the coffee shop near his apartment instead of straight home as it has been a while since he had gone there. He waved at the lady behind the counter, Theresa, before giving her his order and taking a seat near the window. He frequented the shop in the past when they had first moved to LA from Malibu and the lady took care of him like she would her own son. Theresa was also from Colorado like himself and she had moved to California when her son went there for university and never left even when he did. She said she loved the sunlight and the people who came. Ironically, she said, after living in California for so long, it was hard to tell the celebrities from the non-celebrities.

Jesse had stayed in that same apartment ever since he came to California and found the lady to be almost like family to him, especially when he came back hung over during those dark months of his life. She had been the one to smack him around and tell him he had more important things to do with his life besides drinking and convinced him to bring himself together again. Luckily, Maroon 5 was a household name but most of the time, it was Adam who came to mind whenever anyone mentioned the band. He didn’t have to worry about paparazzis that much. Everything that happened in his life came and went without the disruption of someone who wanted to know more than they needed to.

He watched the people cross the street, ignoring the ding of the front door that signaled the coming of a new person into the shop. Theresa’s voice asked the newcomer: “Hey honey, what can I do for you today?”

After a while, he turned his head to see it. The red curls that fell to her waist made his heart skipped a beat as it had the first day he had seen her from behind. Was it her? He only stopped himself from getting up when the girl answered, “Black coffee, please.”

It wasn’t her, after all, he sighed inwardly. What did he expect anyways? After what happened in the past, he didn’t deserve to see her again. He wouldn’t be able to look her in the eyes. When his attention returned to the coffee shop, the girl was already gone and Theresa had set his cup of coffee on the table and called to him. “Hey Jesse, your coffee’s done!”

He thanked Theresa before grabbing his coffee. “Slow day today?”

“Not exactly, you should have seen the morning rush. I’m glad it’s a little empty at this time. Good day at work, Jesse? Haven’t seen you around for a while,” Theresa smiled, wiping the counter.

“Been busy with work. I finally got Adam out of his apartment,” he responded.

“How’s that boy doing? He must have been torn apart when that sweet girl left. I’ve been reading his antics in the papers and well I’m sure half of them aren’t true, but I’ve been praying for him,” Theresa sat down across from him with her own cup.

When they shared an apartment, Jesse and Adam would always grab lunch at this coffee shop and even though Adam wasn’t as close to Theresa as Jesse had been, he still regarded her as another mother to him. Jesse nodded, “Most of them are, anyways. The thing that matters is that he’s getting better now. Struggling a bit, but he’s better than I had been a couple of months ago.”

Theresa squeezed his hand, “You’re stronger now, Jesse.”

“And I really have you to thank for that. Have I told you how awesome you are?”

She winked at him, “Not lately you haven’t. You’ve been skipping out on me, did you finally found a girl or something?”

“You’re kidding me, Theresa,” he rolled his eyes, “I’ve got my hands full with the models, the actresses…”

As he continued to list, Theresa let out a loud laugh and cut him off by adding, “Yes, and I’ve found the nicest girl for you! I bet you will just love her because she’ll set you straight when you misbehave!”

They continued to talk until long after his cup emptied and the sun began to set. By then it was time for him to go and there were more and more people coming into the shop. Theresa’s shop was no Starbucks with the shiny coffeemakers, but she had original flavors and her own way of making coffee that would keep her regulars and draw in people new to California. Jesse started towards the street again, checking his phone for texts and messages.

He stopped at the corner, checking the traffic light before glancing down at his phone again. Didn’t catch you at home when I stopped by. Dropped the songs off on your kitchen table and locked the doors on the way out. Mickey. He shrugged, responding to the message before looking up to the sound of the traffic light announcing that the pedestrians can now cross. It was then that their eyes met. She was on the other side of the street, her big blue eyes searching the sea of people and looking right past him, but he saw her.

Emma.

He started across the street, his eyes watching her every step. Her hair was no longer curly; instead, they were strands straight as needles with the ends touching her shoulders. Her bangs were like a curtain of fire, framing her wide blue eyes. She was lovely as always and even when he wanted to reach out and touch her, he couldn’t. Their eyes met for a split second, like two strangers on the street, as they passed each other.

In that moment and for the last time, their paths met and separated once more.



“Alright, you know the emergency number and you know the—“

“Carson! I’ve already told her all that fifty times!” Siri laughed from the bedroom as she dragged the suitcase out the door. “Don’t worry!”

“I know, Siri but I just want to make sure,” Carson said, pulling out his phone again and continuing what he was saying in a text. While typing, he also said to his son, who was running around the house in a makeshift cape, “Jackson, do you remember what we said about behaving with Ruby?”

“Be a good boy,” his son repeated along with him while making airplane noises, zooming past him and almost knocking down his suitcase. Luckily Ruby had caught him and picked him up. The boy hugged her back and kissed her on the cheek before holding his hands out, waiting to be taken on his fly for the day. Ruby laughed and holding one finger to her lips and then pointing to Carson. Jackson blinked and looked at his dad, as if realizing the man was there. By then, Carson had finished his text and rolling his eyes at the way his son was attached to the young girl. He held his hands out, waiting for the little rascal to come into his arms before he zoomed off.

Ruby read the text even though she had understood most of his message while he had been talking to her earlier that day. It didn’t hurt to have extra instructions.

Ruby, I am leaving you a list of emergency numbers to both myself and Siri in case our mobile phones cannot be reached during the vacation. Please don’t hesitate to call if anything goes wrong. We’ll be on the next plane back. I’ve already talked to Eve about your situation and if we need to proceed to the hearing aid or implants, Siri and I will probably be back before then but if necessary, she knows what to do so don’t fret about that. I am leaving you in Jackson’s and Nathan’s hands. Nathan will probably come over to keep you company and take you anywhere you need and even take Jackson off your hands once in a while if you need some time to yourself. You have no idea how much this means to me (and Siri, definitely) because we have been meaning to take a vacation for years now but there just wasn’t time. If I didn’t make this clear before, I’ll say it again, please make yourself at home here!


She laughed at the text and hugged Siri when she came down with her suitcase. The girl kissed her son and handed her over to Ruby before signing, “You are the best, seriously. I’m always torn between stealing Jackson back and letting him stay with you forever. I told you the kid loves you like crazy.”

“Have a good vacation and don’t worry about us,” Ruby spoke slowly, being unable to sign as her hands were full with the three-year-old.

When the couple had left on their long needed vacation, Ruby brought Jackson to his bookshelf and had him choose a book so they could read together. They settled on the lounge chair on the patio as she taught him to sign the words on the page. Jackson imitated her actions and soon he was able to sign some of the words without her help. The three-year-old grinned widely, jumping up and down before he pulled at his cape again to signal that he was ready for another fly.

They ran around the backyard and chased each other for a while until both were exhausted. She didn’t think she could ever get bored with the kid. He had too much energy on his hands. By the time they got back to the lounge, Ruby found a text message waiting for her from Nathan.

Hey Ruby, are you home?

What’s up, Nathan? I’m in the backyard.

Just dropping off something. I stopped by Eve’s office today and she had your meds ready.

Ruby remembered Eve. She had stopped by the office two weeks for the preliminary and a few days after for her tests. According to Eve, there needs to be more tests done on her infection to make sure that it wasn’t partly due to genetics as well. In any case, she had been prescribed some meds to see if her immune system could suddenly recognize that the infection was bad for her and fight it.

Nathan had gone with her that day because Siri had a couple of things to take care of with Carson regarding the trip. He held her hand while they waited outside the office, reassuring her that the tests were in no way painful and that no doubt, everything will be okay. She laughed softly and listened to him and surely enough, the tests took a total of two hours while they took x-rays of her ears in addition to blood tests to make sure that it wasn’t something else in her body that might have been affecting the infection.

After the tests, they went back to the office a couple of days later to talk about the results and do more tests to see if surgery was an option when it came to removing the infection in its entirety. When they had finished the trip to the doctor’s, the two went out for lunch with Jackson, who had been tagging along all that time and was surprisingly well-behaved whenever he had a crayon in his hand.

She could see Nathan’s head coming as he rounded to the back and entered the yard. He waved at her from across the yard. He picked Jackson up and spun him around when the three-year-old propelled himself into the older male. Nathan grinned at her before pulling the package from his bag. Ruby never thought it would feel like Christmas morning when she would receive her medicine, but this was much better. It meant that she might soon get her hearing back, that she might soon be able to hear music, that she might soon start to sing again!

“Are you excited?” Nathan signed to her. “Eve said to take it once a day. It won’t work right away but you might start getting some of your hearing back sporadically. If it works well, it should gradually improve over time before all of it comes back.”

Ruby smiled and responded in signing, “I’m trying not to place too much hope in this in case it doesn’t turn out well, but it is hard because Eve makes it all seem so amazingly easy.”

Nathan nodded, “Yea, she is like that with everyone. When I first went to see her, it was impossible not to get carried away by all the things she was telling me. Trust me, it is a long process, but in the end it’s all worth it.”

He took out the bottle and she held it in her hand. Take once a day, it said. Could something like this truly get rid of something that has been stuck with her for years? If it was easy, she should have tried this a long time ago. Nathan smiled patiently at her, as if he understood exactly what she was going through. It seemed like something so small, but it could change her life forever. Ruby could go back to how she was and become a better singer than she had been before. There was no longer be any handicap simply because she could not hear.

It was a blue and red pill and Ruby was almost afraid to believe that such a little thing could possibly contribute to her getting better, but she had already made the decision. She wanted to hear again, she wanted to sing again, and she wanted to be immersed in her music once more.

Here goes nothing.