Our Lady of Sorrows

Gerard's P.o.v

I climbed into bed with Frank, facing away from him. i couldn't look at him, how could I? i was filthy, it was my fault and i couldn't get over it.
as if frank could read my mind I Heard him whisper something about it not being my fault, i replied that i knew it, just to make him feel better
but i couldn't bring myself to believe it. I was the big brother, the one who was supposed to be the protector and now I was terrified of my
brother, so scared and yet i still loved him because he had the same blood as me pumping around his veins. but he'd hurt me. Frank kissed
me on the cheek, soothing me as i drifted off to sleep.

I was six years old, Mikey was just a toddler. My birthday, he comes over to me as we stand at my birthday cake. i take his little hand and
we blow the candles out together, my wish was that Mikey would be my brother forever.

I was 10, sharing comic books and laughter with Mikey as we both sat on my bed, feeling so contented. his smile is something beautiful as
is his laugh. He keeps on complaining about his new glasses, saying he'll never wear them.

I was 14 trying to comfort Mikey about his first day at high school, the nervous look on his face making me smile as I hug him and told him it
was all going to be okay, that if anyone messed with him I'd sort them out.

I was 17, Me and Mikey inhaled the joint deeply, smiling at our rebellion together. i didn't let him take too much, he was my brother and i
didn't want him damaged. i loved him and looked after him the way a big brother should.

I was alone in mine and Frank's bedroom, whistling to myself as I folded away my clothes and put them in the side drawer. I glanced up to
see Mikey leaning in the door way staring at me with a thoughtful look in my eyes.

''Hey Mikes''' i said smiling, i was happy because Frank had just nipped out to get coffee for us, after all these years and i still felt like a
teenager in love with him. I froze as Mikey's shadow fell over me, something wasn't right. i turned around to face Mikey, towering over me as
i sat on the bed folding clothes, without a saying a word he gently placed his hand on my cheek , stroking me.

''M-Mikey, you okay?'' i asked, stuttering slightly at the tense atmosphere.

''Yes big brother, I'm perfect'' he whispered, his voice laced with something I didn't understand. All i saw was the light reflecting off the blade as he
pulled it from his pocket, the clink as his trousers hit the floor.

I woke up screaming , thrashing around on the bed as the covers choked me, clinging to my sweat soaked body as my tears fell freely,
joined by my sobbing.

''Gerard! Gerard!? it's okay baby, you were having a nightmare, relax!'' i felt frank's hands on me, trying to get me to calm down. i fell back, my
head hitting the pillow as my body quivered in cold sweat.

''shh baby it's okay, he can't hurt you'' murmured Frank, pulling me against him as i cried, i buried my head in his chest as he stroked my hair.
the memory of Mikey burned into my mind forever