You Give Me Hope

Jack-

We were leaving for tour this morning. I was helping Brittany bring her bags out to the bus. It was nice, we were starting to become friends again, well somewhat. We were at least making an attempt to talk to each other. Brittany was extremely quiet this morning though. She disappeared and wasn’t really supposed to be out of anyone’s sights. I didn’t want to be bitched out by Rian so I went to find her. Thankfully she was just lying in the back of the bus.

“Hey, I found you.” I said quietly as I walked back to her. She sat up and looked at me.

“I’m fine. See. No new cuts. Go and check my bag. No drugs or anything. I don’t even have my anxiety medication if I actually need it.” She held out her arms. It stung seeing someone so amazing and beautiful scarred like that.

“I trust you. Can I ask you something?” I looked at her. she met my eyes and nodded slightly.

“Why did I do it? Or about the drugs?”

“Yeah. Basically. I mean, Brit, you were always so happy.” I knew I struck a nerve when I saw a few silent tears escape her eyes. “Shit. I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.” It was never like her to cry. Out of all the years I’ve known her, I’ve never once seen her shed a single tear. I dried her tears with the sleeves of my hoodie.

“It’s fine.” She mumbled. “ I guess I could tell you. You’re the only one who ever reall asked me about it.”

“Look at me, for the length of this tour you’re not going to do anything but get better. I promise. You ever get the urge to do it, come talk to me. I’ll always be here for you.” She nodded.

“It’s kind of hard to explain. I mean like ever since I started high school I would get shit from people. People would call me fat. I never used to let it get to me. But it did. It ate me up alive. I wouldn’t eat, I began starving myself. When I would eat, I would just purge and throw it all up. Then when I would go to my mother’s nothing was better. She would hit me and abuse me. Mentally and physically. That’s when the cutting and drinking started. Her step daughter got me into drugs. Then, once I was prescribed medication for my anxiety and depression, I got addicted.” I was speechless. I couldn’t believe what she had just told me. We were supposed to be her best friends and we walked out on her. Like everyone else… Fuck, we’re stupid. She was amazing, yet so broken. I held her in my arms and never wanted to let go.

“B rit, if I knew, I would’ve been there. I would’ve done something.” I rubbed small circles in her back as she sobbed into my chest. She pulled away and looked at me. I never saw so much pain in someone’s eyes, like the amount of pain I saw in hers. I did what my heart told me. I kissed her. the kiss was soft and sweet. I put everything I had into that kiss. We jumped when someone cleared their throat.

“Stay the fuck away from my sister. And you, stay the fuck off of any band members or crew while you’re here. Got it? Lisa was right, you are a whore.” I was beyond furious. Fine, I would stay away from her. But going and calling her a whore was crossing the line.

“What the fuck was that?!” I growled. “Don’t you know anything about your sister?” I continued to rant about what she had just told me. When I was done, Rian seemed genuinely sorry and upset about it.

“I- I- I didn’t know. She really told you all that?” He looked at me. I nodded and went out to the front to see all our friends staring at me.

“Where is she?” I asked quietly, knowing she would be pissed I just told everyone her secret.

“Bunk.” Alex said quietly. “I can’t believe we just left her like that. We should’ve seen something. We should’ve stopped her.”

“I know.” My voice was just a wobbly whisper. I turned to her bunk. I drew back the curtain to see her tear stained face looking at me. “I’m sorry. I just- I hated what he said to you.” She nodded and rolled over so her back was facing me. Against Rian’s wishes, I got in next to her and just held her. It took her about an hour to finally fall asleep. I stroked her hair lightly. Her black and blonde hair just happened to match mine. We both got it done together. Well, she made me do it after she got hers. We both kept it, I guess as a reminder of the other. I noticed how she was in my hoodie I gave her a few years back. Once I was sure she was asleep, I crawled out of the bunk and to the front to see an angry Rian.

“I told you. Stay away from my sister.” He glared at me. Zack stepped in front of him.

“Dude, relax. She needs a friend right now. And I don’t see you trying to be a decent brother to her. You just flipped shit on her and expect everything to be okay? You’re wrong. If Jack is the only one who can get her to talk and help her get better, don’t you think we should just leave things be?” Zack said growing aggravated. Zack was always quiet. But when he spoke up, you knew he was there.