Bondfelt

Adam Levine; that was the name of the man I had spent countless nights crying for, craving the roughness of his body pressed against my own, thinking of the way he smelt and tasted, of the way he would kiss me and gnaw relentlessly on my lower lip until it bled. The way his stubble would scratch my face when we kissed until it was raw and red. In every lighting he seemed flawless, in every lighting his hazel eyes would look into mine and I would feel an utter sense of affection. He cared for me more then any man ever had; and soon enough the inevitable happened. Things turned sour, our loving relationship had gone awry and there was no saving it. Our affection turned to loathing, love took the form of hate, and the fighting never seemed to end between us. Through the rough time we had attempting to salvage our relationship, there were still good moments; like the mornings I would wake up naked, his head cradled perfectly into the crook of my shoulder and his warm breath on my neck. The bad still outweighed the good, and we had a falling out. Our relationship broke off, and I would've loved to be able to say we went our separate ways, if not for the fact that we shared all the same friends... and I lived as a neighbour on the same floor to one of his best friends, Carson.



Waking up alone was, by all means, never one of my most favoured things, but I had gotten so used to it that by this point somehow I had grown accustomed to it. Besides, it was much better then waking up in the nude beside a man I'd never met before who wasn't as attractive as I had thought the prior night, hopped up on alcoholic beverages and possibly a bit of marijuana, or, worse, waking up as such alone with my bedmate gone and things stolen from my house. Living alone had its perks here and there as well, excluding the loneliness, although I had my dog, Jimmy, but it was nice to be alone from time to time, and not having your roommates borrowing or moving your shit around. Plus, I was usually out at my friends places anyways, that's to say if they're not already hanging out at my loft.

I woke with the sun shining in through the window, the bright warmth splayed across my entire bed and across my bare skin, clad in a black tank top and a pair of boy shorts. I turned slowly over onto my back and gave a small yawn, rubbing my face with both palms and arching my back in a stretch, "Fuck me," I groaned exhaustedly before regaining repose, eyes half open now and staring up at the high, white ceiling. I turned my head to find Jimmy sprawled out on his side on the foot of the bed beside me, completely asleep.

Ever since Adam and I had broken up, it had been weird showering without any interruptions, or just being in the bathroom alone in the mornings, all the same though it was nice, and I was, honestly, glad to finally be rid of him. Things were sugar for a while and then he suddenly turned into the biggest jackass I think I'd ever known. Constantly our claws were out at each other, and I was at the point of nearly suffocating the guy when we finally broke it off. It wasn't a matter of unfaithfulness or distrust or anything of that sort -- Adam had always been faithful and very trusting in me, or, at least for the most part; before everything went bad. And I in turn was the same towards him, never cheated, or even thought about it even, and always put all of my trust in him blindly, and he never disappointed me, either. Everything changed once we hit that bump in the road though. A relationship we thought was to last turned out to not be strong enough to get through said bump, and everything we had believed in involving our relationship disintegrated. It was painful. Things changed so suddenly once it ended, I had gone from never being alone to being alone most of the time, I had gone from fire to dust. I cried for a week before I got a grip on myself and decided to move on -- I had learned to hate the guy, sure, but it was what we used to be that I cried numerous times over. I missed it -- but not anymore. I was doing perfectly fine on my own, thank you very much. I didn't need some man weighing me down. I just needed my friends, and Jimmy.



"My cousin Rae is getting married." My friend, Cece, sighed heavily from her stool, slumping over the counter top. I stood across from her, slicing carrots over a wooden cutting board, "Can you believe it? The girl can't even take care of a plant and she's getting married."

I raised my eyebrows, watching what I was doing, "What a catch." I joked.

"I know! How is it possible, right!" She cried, frowning. She sat up a bit straighter, "Have you met her? I think I've introduced you to her before--"

"Yeah, at one of those... art show... things you took me to once."

"She's not the sharpest tool in the shed, Kat." Cece gave me a look through her eyelashes, folding her hands in front of her on the counter, "You know she went through like eight tutor's in elementary school. Half of them quit... the other half... Well, it's not important." She waved her hand dismissively, "She's as dumb as a rock, I'll tell you. And she's a bitch, too!"

I pressed my lips into a tight line and looked at her. She looked back with a look on her face, as if waiting for me to agree. I took an inward breath and looked away, shrugging a shoulder, "Well I mean, she seemed pretty nice when I met her."

"Oh ho ho!" Cece put her hands out in front of her like I had no idea what I was talking about, "But you only met her and spoke to her for, like, what? Three minutes? Tops. Two more and she would've shown her true colours and turned into an absolute crow."

I stopped and feigned an adoring look, tilting my head and giving her a soft inward smile, "I can tell you love her very much." Cece rolled her eyes and made a small eh noise of disgust. I went back to chopping.

"She looks like a cow." Cece finished with a voice of conclusion. I made a face.

"I thought she was very--"

"Shut up!" Cece cried, "Will you just shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better and you're not helping one bit!"

I dropped my cutting knife and leaned over the counter on both hands, "Well can't you shovel Haagen Dazs into your face or something instead of putting other people down and gossiping about them?"

She gave a long groan of defeat, "Fine."

"It's in the freezer; help yourself."

She slipped off of her stool and strolled, barefoot, over to the refrigerator, swinging open the freezer door and digging through it in search of the ice cream. I heard a brief few knocks on the apartment door before I heard it open and Carsons voice called out in a very melodic ring, "Hellooo." And I didn't bother calling back -- he knew I was here -- because he was coming around the corner cabinets in a matter of seconds, sending me a beam from his perfectly molded smile.

The refrigerator door slammed shut and Cece pointed an accusing finger in his direction with the hand she held the small container of ice cream in, "What are you doing here? It's supposed to be girls night." She reminded him coldly, he ignored her tone and furrowed his eyebrows at my hands cutting up carrots.

"Doesn't seem like much of a girls night to me." He replied, "Unless cutting up carrots is what girls usually do on a girls night -- I wouldn't know."

I shot him a small glare and Cece snorted unattractively before giving a loud, dry laugh, "Sure Carson, like you actually have a penis." Carson glared.

I gave a little snicker and sighed, "What do you want, Carson?"

He looked at me and beamed in an innocent manner, "Could I borrow your carpet cleaner? Wesley and Adam are over and Wesley spilt--"

"Take it. It's in the closet by the bathroom." I cut him off, trying to seem unaffected by the mention of Adams name -- I try to conceal my loathing, that way it doesn't make Cece or Carson obligated to take sides or act like he doesn't exist around me. He stared for a moment, and when I didn't look up from what I was doing to return his gaze, he stalked off to the closet.

Cece poked her head out around the corner to see him off to the closet before turning quickly towards me on her heel, container of ice cream open now, with a spoon in her other hand, "Wow, you might as well be made of rock. You're like the rock lady of... Bedrock." I wasn't surprised by her Flinstones reference.

"Eh?" I grunted, feigning disinterest, and turned my gaze up at her. She rolled her eyes -- she could see straight through me and both she and I knew very well that she could, I just wasn't in the mood for confessing such a thing. Cece knew very well how much I disliked Adam, and even his name being brought up nearly caused me to yack.

"You've said it again and again -- 'oh, I'm done, he's a jerk anyway' or 'trust me, I'm over him' -- when is it actually going to be true, Kat?" She sighed, one corner of her mouth curling down.

I chopped up the last bit of carrot and swept it off of the cutting board and into the boiling pot, before slamming down the board and looking at her with a hard look, "It already is, and has been for at least five months now." I had to fight off gritting my teeth in frustration. Her and Carson always make a point to voice how sure they are of the fact that I'm not over my feelings for Adam, and it gets me to the bone. If I weren't over him I'd still be cooped up alone in my room, wanting him and missing him, but I'm not. Because I'm over him. I've been done with him for a long time, and I don't want him back, and I don't understand why they can't just accept that.

"Then why don't you ever want to hang out with us when he's around?" She frowned with furrowed eyebrows, "You avoid him like the plague, as if you do still have those feelings for him. If you weren't still trying to get over him, I think you'd at least try to be his friend again. But that's just my opinion."

I heaved out a heavy sigh and shut my eyes for a moment, pinching the bridge of my nose, "Yeah well you're opinion doesn't really matter at this point," I told her, dropping my hand and looking at her from across the counter, "Because I'm done with that. With him. It's not against the law to not want to hang out with someone you don't like."

Her frown deepened, "But you could try and make amends -- you two have so much history together how can you just--"

I groaned lowly in annoyance, "Cece, fuck off about it for a bit--"

"You two are going to bump into each other at some point and you're not going to be able to run away from him!" She snapped back, "That's all I'm saying, damn it. You're acting like a little kid, you know that?" My eyes fixed a glare on her, and she did the same right back, and in the midst of the telepathic war, Carson returned from the closet with the carpet cleaner, opening his mouth to say something but stopping once he'd caught sight of us.

"... Thanks... Uh, I'll bring it back tomorrow morning." He spoke awkwardly, I didn't respond. He nearly turned to leave before he paused, "Are you two alright?"

"We're fine," I looked over at him, sending him a narrowed look, "Goodbye, Carson."

The corners of his mouth pulled back, lips pressing into a straight line, and he quickly left without another word, slamming the apartment door behind him, his tail between his legs.