If I Only Had The Heart

John:
Fuck. Melissa's phone was still pressed against my ear, anxiously waiting for the girl, that I loved dearly, to finish talking. After an agonizing minute of silence, there was a noise. Sniffling? Was she crying? Right then and there, my heart broke. I had always hated making her cry. It was my weakness. "… Alaine?" Silence. She must not be able to hear me… Or she's choosing to ignore me. Exasperated, I let out a sigh and shut my eyes as she continued to cry. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Then, pure silence. Slowly I opened my eyes and looked down at the phone in my hand. Call Ended. Before I did anything rash, I got up from the couch and handed Melissa her phone back. "Thanks anyways…" I mumbled, running a hand through my hair. My hand slipped down to my face, where it covered my eyes for a bit.

"John?" Melissa's soft voice was full of worry. "Just give her some time and then, we'll get her." My hand dropped back down to my side and my tired green eyes found their way to Melissa's face. A reassuring smile was spread on her face.

"Thanks, Mel," I mumbled, halfheartedly returning the smile.

Alaine:
After that not so glorious conversation, most of the time I spent involved sitting around at home or going out to seek retail therapy. It had been half of a week since that conversation with John. And it was about halfway into the second week of summer vacation. Nothing would really keep my attention for long now. Let alone impress me that much. To sum it up in a nutshell, I felt empty. It may seem ridiculous to be this upset over a guy, but hey. It's part of the healing process. And Josh let me have that time. Most of the time he was either at work or out with his friends, which I didn't mind at all, since he didn't completely ignore me and still spent quality time with me.

The California sun shone strongly. Today was a retail therapy day at Fashion Valley Mall. I pushed my slipping Ray Bans back up the bridge of my nose as I made my way to the small Starbucks cafe. Once I approached the counter, I flashed the cashier a slight smile, "Can I get a grande java chip frap?" After paying and receiving my drink, I adjusted the shopping bags in my hand and headed back towards my car to head back to the house.

"JOSH!" I called out once I stepped inside the cool, conditioned house. Before heading to my room, I threw my keys onto the counter and finished up my drink. The house was quiet, but for some reason, it most definitely did not feel empty. Cautiously, I glanced into Josh's room, which was empty, then pushed open my room door slowly. "What the fuck."

My hands found their way to my hips and my lips were pressed firmly together. "What are you doing here, John?"

John:
"What the fuck." Swiftly, I turned around from her desk and faced her. She was beautiful. A question left her lips, her voice was completely void of any emotion whatsoever. I fiddled with the box in my hand, then looked down at it.

"I thought you stopped this," I mused, looking back at her and motioning the box to her. A smirk danced on her lips and an unamused chuckle was released.

"You're one to talk, O'Callaghan." I felt the corners of my mouth droop once she retorted with that line. Hell, it's true, I'd be a hypocrite for lecturing her about smoking. After I set the box of cigarettes back down, I ran a hand through my hair and just looked at her. The girl that I loved was standing right before me.

"Alaine, I'm sorry," I began while looking down at my hands, " Can't we just talk about it?"

"What's there to talk about, John?" Her composed voice began to crack. "You cheated on me. A night after you came home from tour. And you didn't even bother to see me within that time frame."

Guilt began to wash over me once those words left those lips. Exasperated, I let out a sigh and ran a hand through my hair once more. "I -- I -- I was drunk. And I fucked up so bad. Please just give me a chance. You know that I'm better than this." My green eyes just bore into the floor, too cowardly to even look at the girl that I broke. After moments of silence, a soft sniffle was sounded, and I looked up only to find her pawing at those eyes of hers. Without much thought, my arms wrapped around her tiny frame. "Alaine, please. I'm begging you." My hand gently lifted up her chin, having our eyes lock. "I love you. Only you. I'm in love with you, Alaine."

"Stop John," Her arms started to push my body away from hers. My eyes remained glued on hers; I was losing her. I opened my mouth slightly to speak, but was cut off by her voice. "I just -- I don't know if I can trust you now… I mean how do I know that you didn't run off and cheat on me throughout tour?!" My eyes instantly left hers while I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Oh. My. God. John." She seethed, instantly trying to leave the room.

"Lainey wait!" Swiftly I reached out to grab her arm and turned her around to face me. "There were only a few kisses. And I was drunk and --"

"You know you're not helping your cause."

"I swear! It was nothing more than that! And afterwards the guys would look after me! You can ask them if you want!" I yelled back, losing confidence and composure. She began to shift awkwardly under my stare; her gray-blue eyes watering.

"Come on, Lainey. I swear it won't happen again. I'll sober up. Anything." I practically begged her, "You've even said it yourself. Everyone deserves a second chance."