A Wag's Life

6th August 2008:
Chemistry can sometimes be one of the most important things to build a relationship. It can be an important factor in what makes the relationship work. However, sometimes it can be difficult to spot chemistry and instead you go crawling back to the past. You cling to the past because it’s the one thing you feel comfortable with. And that’s exactly what happened to me today.

It all began when I woke up on the sofa next to Phil Jagielka just staring at me. You know how in films it’s always romantic when people do that? It’s not. It’s a little strange actually. I laughed at Phil Jagielka and prodded his arm. “What’s up with you?”
“I’m just surprised.”
“Surprised at what?”
“At how after putting you to bed you’d rather sleep on a sofa with me than on a big bed.”
“I’ve been alone a lot lately and I’m not use to it.”
“I see.” He laughs. “Last night was pretty good, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, I never realised that you were such a good singer and dancer.” I state shocked.
“Yeah and about last night, I know I was sort of making big declarations of love and things, but I’m not going to push you into anything. I just got carried away. I know your not still over Fernando.”
“Yeah, it’s still hard to believe were broken up. Sometimes I pick up the phone to call him and am like wait, were not…” And then for a moment I realised something. Something very important. “Excuse me!” I told Phil Jagielka and ran upstairs and got changed ever so quickly before running out of my house and making my way over to Fernando’s.

I know Phil Jagielka was shocked seeing me run off in a hurry, but there was good reason for this. This whole month I’d been moping over Fernando about how I’ve ruined things, about how we’ve broken up. However, we hadn’t actually broken up! I gave him some stuff back and that was all. There was no big talk about what happened, about what should go on from there. And it was only now I was realising this. No wonder I’d been unable to get closure, it’s because deep down I think I’m still with him. Now once and for all I can find out whether we should be together or not.

Upon reaching his house I knocked on his door hard and fast, wanting him to answer. Which he did, in his boxers. Ok, was not expecting that I thought to myself. “Can I come in?” I asked, but he kept his hand across the threshold. “Ok, I’ll stay out here.”
“What do you want Summer? I had a difficult night last night and now you turning up at this ungodly hour.”
“It’s twelve.” I inform him.
“Yeah, it is, so what do you want? Might I remind you that you just can’t come bombarding round here anymore.”
“Fernando, we need to talk. It’s very important.”
“Ok, go ahead.”
“Basically, we’ve not broken up.”
“Yes we have.”
“No, we haven’t.”
“After you came to my door with that ring a month ago that was it.”
“There was no talk Fernando, not really, there was only slight talk when I gave you the ring back.”
“Summer. Let me clear this up for you. That day I ran off, I agree, no we hadn’t broken up then. I was angry, annoyed, but I could understand it. I would’ve continued to let our relationship work. However, when you came round the next day to give me the ring back, well, that was you giving me the talk.”
“What, no! It wasn’t. I gave it you back because it was so expensive and I couldn’t keep that. How could I after what I’d done? It didn’t mean that I wanted to break up with you.”
“Well, you sort of made it that way and then what happened last night with the whole dance and song thing.”
“I was drunk!” I protested and tears started sliding down my face.
“Ok, don’t cry. Please don’t cry. I’m not prepared for this.”

He let out a sigh. “Come on, come in. Have some tea or whatever it is you want to drink.” I nodded my head and walked into his home, followed by entering the kitchen where I sat down at the table and after asking him for water he got me some. He then sat across from me at the table, keeping enough distance so he could keep control. He put some tissues across the table and I took one and wiped my eyes. “Look Summer, were both hurt right now, I think both of us would do anything to get back together right now. Unfortunately that’s only because neither of us have had a chance to get over one another. We need time to heal this pain and if we just get back together right now then who’s to say were not going to fall into the same old pattern? Last night proved to me that you would still be torn about me and Phil Jagielka. And I can’t handle that.”
“Just give us a chance.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.” I pleaded.
“Come on Summer, it’s been a month. We’ve done very well up until now.”
“Please.” I began.
“Don’t do this to me Summer, it’s been hard enough staying away from you as it is.”
“Ok.” I sob and stand up and make my way towards the front door. He sees me out and just like that I leave, unfortunately that wasn’t the only thing that was going to make me dive back into my past. Not by a long shot.

When I returned home Phil Jagielka was still there. As he saw me walk through my door he looked extremely concerned. “Summer, are you ok?”
“I don’t want to talk about it Phil Jagielka.”
“I’m your friend.”
“No, your not, you’re the reason Fernando and I broke up.” I paused. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s ok, your having a bad day after breaking up with him, it’s ok. We all get them. You won’t believe some of the stupid things I did when I broke up with my girlfriend from a couple of years ago.”
“What did you do?” I wondered.
“I started sleeping around a lot and then one day I was in this strange town this strangers bed and I thought, what am I doing? I’m better than this. After that I went home and got myself cleaned up and haven’t had a one night stand ever since.”
“Wow.”
“So believe me I know what your going through and you’re going to need a friend.”

As he said that I sat down on the sofa and he took a seat next to me and hugged me. As he did so I felt close to him, so started slowly moving my hand up his top. It’s in that moment he pulled away from me. “No, I’m a friend, nothing more Summer. Come on get out of this slump.”
“Would it hurt? We have feelings for each other.”
“Oh God, your exactly like me.” He sighed. “Look, I can’t be around you when your going to be coming onto me. Ok, listen to me you need to stay in the house. Avoid men at all cost. Ok? I’m going to go so that I can avoid doing something stupid. Now you stay here and do the same, ok?”
“Ok.” I nodded my head.
“Right, I’ll call you later.”
“Ok.” I replied and Phil Jagielka then left my home.

I just lay back on the sofa annoyed with the day I was having. Fernando didn’t want to be with me and Phil Jagielka didn’t want to take that pain away, so I just lay on the sofa crying for hours. Now that Fernando and I had actually had the proper break up talk I was upset. And the tears wouldn’t stop flowing. I felt like a drenched rat and that’s when there was a knock on the door. I wiped away my tears, hoping the person there wouldn’t notice. When I opened the door, there standing on the other side was Roy. “You didn’t turn up for lunch so… Summer, what’s the matter?” I walked back over to the sofa upon him asking me that. He closed the door and ran over to my side. “Tell me about it.”
“Fernando and I are definitely broken up.” I inform him crying on his shoulder, Roy’s arms move around me. “I miss him so much God, why won’t this pain stop?”
“It takes time, that’s why.”
“It’s been a month. A whole month, the crying should have stopped by now.”
“Well, that’s not always the way it works.”

Upon him saying that I looked at Roy, I looked into his eyes. He gazed into mine and leaned in and kissed me. As he did so I pushed him away from me. “What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Making up for the past.” He responded.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I never should have let you go. Your outfit looks amazing by the way.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, it shows you off in all the right places.”
“You used to say things like that to me all the time.” I said dreamily.
“I did.” He replied. “Come on, let’s take this upstairs.” He took hold of my hand and led me upstairs. To my room we went where things got a little heated between us…

During the time that I fell into bed with Roy I felt good about myself, really good about myself. However, afterwards I felt awful. I was just lying on my side crying quietly, thinking what had I done? What was I thinking? All the excessive crying tired me out and made me fall asleep.

When I woke up at some point in the evening Roy was gone. No longer in the bed next to me, just gone. I sat up in my bed naked and alone, feeling used. I picked up my phone and called Phil Jagielka. “Hello?” He asked and without even a greeting I started talking to Phil Jagielka straight away. “God, Phil Jagielka I’ve done something incredibly stupid.”
“I’m on my way.” He replies and hangs up. I pull the covers over me that little bit more to cover myself up. To make myself feel less vulnerable. However, I still felt empty and cold inside.

When Phil Jagielka said he was on his way he wasn’t lying as he was running into my room within ten minutes of my call. He took one look at me, sat on the side of my bed. “Who was it?” He asked me.
“Do I have to say?”
“No, only tell me what you’re comfortable with telling me.”
“Roy.” I admitted.
“I’m not judging, but of all the people why him? This is the sort of thing he did to you when he was younger.”
“I know, but he was here and he was nice and he’s changed.”

Phil Jagielka took hold of one of my hands. “No, he hasn’t changed. Him sleeping with you when you’re feeling like this proves that. He is using you, so please don’t let him into your life even more.”
“I…”
“Look, that’s it. I’m just going to have to go through with staying with you until your better because a real friend wouldn’t sleep with you when you’re feeling like this.”
“Are you staying?”
“Yes. But next time you are tempted to sleep with anyone remember what you feel like afterwards because that’s the only time you’ll realise how silly it is to go round sleeping with people, ok?”
“Ok.” I smile and hug Phil Jagielka, thankfully the blanket stays up otherwise I’d have no idea what I’d do. “Ok, you’re going to have a shower and I’m going to cook for you. You’re going to get better, slowly but surely.”
“Thank you Phil Jagielka.” I say and he then leaves my room, leaving me to just jump into my bathroom so I can get a shower.

After my shower I get into a night dress and pull on a dressing gown over the top, before walking downstairs and sitting at my table. Phil Jagielka put a plate of chips in front of me. “How could you cook me these?” I asked him.
“Because they’re the only things you’ll eat religiously.”
“Yeah and they make me put on weight.”
“Well, I can take them away if you like?”
“No, keep them here.” I say and start picking at them. However, this time I will not be eating my body weight in chips, no matter how much I want to. Phil Jagielka sat at the table with me. “So what do you want to do tonight?” He offered.
“I don’t mind.”
“I might have a plan.” He responded and then left my kitchen and made a few phone calls. After he came back I finished eating my chips and Phil Jagielka said: “Get dressed.”
“What? Where are we going?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” He responded with a grin and I made my way upstairs getting changed immediately into a red figure hugging dress. I pull on some more high heels and grabbed my bag, then made my way downstairs.

When I reach the bottom of the stairs, I put my hand in Phil Jagielka’s arm and hold onto him so we could get walking to wherever it is we were going. There was a lot of walking involved but when we got there I was… Well… I was let down. “All that talk and you’re taking me to a bar.”
“Hey, you’ll see how good it is.”
“Ok.” I sigh and we walk inside, then join a table with Steven, Alex and Sami Hyypia, who I was singing the Spice Girls with last night.

We sat across from Steven and Alex and they smiled at me. “Hey Summer.” Alex said happily.
“Hi. What’s going on?”
“Well, when were bored we watch Sami here chat up woman and get shot down.”
“I have you know by the end of the night, I shall be in bed with some tall blond.” Alex laughed when he said this.
“I don’t think so.”
“Right, I’m going to talk to that blond girl over there. Now if you excuse me…”

And so we watched him talk to this girl and it was awful. Just awful. “Looking good sister.” He told this girl.
“Thank you.” She replied.
“No problem, just so you know I’m a footballer.”
“Really? What league are you in the Conference?”
“Please! I’m in the Premiership.”
“If you were in the Premiership then I’d know who you are.” She stated.
“What?” He began.
“Come on, Steven Gerrard, Ashley Cole, I don’t see you in that list of players.”
“But I play for Liverpool. My name’s Sami Hyypia!”
“Yeah right! And my name is Nicole Scherzinger! Your going to have to work a lot harder at your lies if you want to get into my pants.” She replied and walked off.
“I’m telling you the truth!” He called after her and Sami sat back with us annoyed. “Why does no one believe I’m a footballer?”
“Because you aren’t doing much outside of football.” Alex states.
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that Steven is famous, partly because he’s captained England a lot which helps him, but he’s also on a lot of advertisements. You aren’t.”
“That’s it, Steven you’re helping me pick up that brunette over there.”
“Do I have to?” He asked.
“Yes.”

Steven sighed and walked over to this brunette girl and smiled. “Hi, have you met my friend Sami?” She seemed disinterested at first, but then saw Steven and looked at him in shock. “Oh my God! Your Steven Gerrard! I’m such a big fan!”
“Thank you.” He replied grinning.
“I’m a footballer too.” Sami said.
“Whatever, Steven can I have your number?”
“Sure.” He replied and started writing a number on a piece of paper. Alex looked towards me. “He’s giving her a fake number, that’s what he does when girls ask for his number.” I nodded my head in response.

Once again Sami came back defeated. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get a girlfriend soon.” I tried to reassure him.
“Please! I don’t need a girlfriend, I just need to have sex with someone.”
“Classy.” I informed him sarcastically and then he was off to the next girl, I missed most of this conversation, but when she slapped Sami across the face and yelled: “No, I don’t want to see your Trousersnake!” It sort of gave me the idea of how the conversation went. And as the night passed he got several drinks thrown in his face too, before finally he found someone dumb enough and took her home.

When he was gone, I looked to Steven. “How many women has he slept with?”
“About a hundred and five.”
“Wow, that’s a lot.”
“Yeah.” He responded.
“Excuse me.” I replied and got up.
“Where are you going?” Phil Jagielka asked me.
“There’s just something I’ve got to do, don’t worry, I won’t do anything stupid.”
“Ok.” He said. “I’ll meet you at the house.”
“Yeah.” I grinned and wandered off, walking as fast as I can to Fernando’s house. It took some time from the bar, but when I got there I was happy that I managed the long walk there. I knocked on his door and he was at the door in a few minutes standing there in jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt.

Once again there was a surprised look on his face. “Summer…”
“I owe you an apology.”
“What for?”
“Last night. I was drunk and the whole Phil Jagielka nonsense was silly and I shouldn’t have spent most the night with Sami, singing with him.”
“You don’t need to apologise to me. What you do now is none of my business.”
“You say that, but I could tell it hurt you last night, so I’m sorry.” I continued and quickly kissed his cheek before walking off home…