Colour

By Sunday morning I had 3 missed calls and 4 text messages, but I didn’t want to talk to him. Not because I thought he meant to hurt me or anything simply because I hadn’t realized how close I had become to josh, how reliant I had become. How much I wanted him in my life, when had this happened?

I had let him in on all my secrets he could use my past against me and he had. It hurt because I trusted him and I didn’t want him to see me for who I used to be. I didn’t want him to know that person.

By lunch I had 7 missed calls 5 text messages, I picked up all my stuff and went to the dance studio. I needed to clear my head.

By Monday morning I had received a total of 14 missed calls and 6 texts all of which I didn’t answer. I did however get a call from my parents saying they were going to stay another couple days in London. Which suited me just fine, one less thing for me to worry about, I didn’t need their nagging on top of all of this.

When my alarm went off for the second time, I had hit snooze the first time I almost whimpered I didn’t want to get out of bed, it was drizzling out and my muscles were a little sore from dancing yesterday. Then I remembered that I had to perform that stupid song with Josh today. And even though I had missed out on so many music classes and I still didn’t want to talk to the boy I couldn’t bail on him today.

I showed up late for class it was almost over by the time I slipped through the door, interrupting another couples performance. I tuned to my head to where I knew Josh sat where I knew there would be a spear seat for me, next to him. His head was down on the table but lifted when the door closed behind me, I could physically see him release a breath. He had thought I wasn’t going to show. I almost didn’t.

“You’re just in time Miss Davis, you and Josh are the last ones left I hope your ready.” Our teacher spoke when the previous two had ended. I nodded my head getting up and still not looking at Josh.

“May I borrow an acoustic guitar Miss?” I asked “I forgot mine at home.” I knew she wouldn’t mind.

I sat on one of the two seats set up in front of the entire class and quickly checked the guitar was tuned. Josh sat next to me waiting on me, making sure I was ready. He nudged my foot with his own making me look up at him.

“You ready”. He asked I simply nodded and waited a moment before I started softly strumming my guitar Josh fell in line instantly and started singing moments later.

“If it hurts this much,
Then it must be love,
And it’s a lottery,
I can't wait to draw your name.
Oh I'm trying to get to you,
But time isn't on my side,
The truths the worst I could do,
And I guess that I have lied.”

I had heard Josh sing before but never like this, never pure and acoustic with eyes closed, never like he was singing solei to me before. And I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“Keeping me awake,
It's been like this now for days,
My heart is out at sea,
My head all over the place,
I'm loosing sense of time,
And everything tastes the same,
I'll be home in a day,
I fear that’s a month to late.

That night I slept,
On your side of the bed so,
It was ready when you got home,
We're like noughts and crosses in that
Opposites always attract.

You've taken me to the top,
And let me fall back south
You've had me at the top of the pile,
And then had me kissing the ground
We've heard and seen it all,
No ones talked us out,
The problems that have come
Haven't yet torn us down.”

We hadn’t written the song about ourselves but now it seemed like the meaning had changed completely, now it was like he was singing to me, for me. This was raw and scary and beautiful and it was our relationship and I almost forgot that I had to sing as well.

“Am I keeping you awake,
If I am then just say,
You can make your own decisions,
You can make your own mistakes,
I'll live and let die
All the promises you made,
But if you lie another time,
It'll be a lie that’s to late.

That night I slept,
On your side of the bed so,
It was ready when you got home,
We're like noughts and crosses in that
Opposites always attract.

I don’t know why I was getting so emotional but by this stage I was holding back tears and you could tell in m voice as I sung that I was breaking down. Josh knew too I could feel his eyes on the side of my head as I closed my eyes trying not to let the tears out. I wasn’t crying because I was sad, just because I realized how beautiful and special this moment was. I realized that I was stupid for being mad at Josh because the truth was I was in way too deep with him for me to ever return to shore safely.

“And you always have your way,
For now it to soon for you to say,
Will we be always, always?
And you always have your way,
For now it to soon for you to say,
Will we be always, always?

You had your way.”

The song ended and the class was shocked into silence by our little performance, before they finally started clapping, and that was when I made my move and fled the class room.