If It Hurts This Much, Then It Must Be Love

‘Whenever I’m away, just remember you can listen to this song and know I’m thinking of you.’

Don’t get me wrong I love Josh, more than anything. But being in a relationship with him is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Every time he’s away I feel a part of me is missing. Something aches in my chest, a longing for him that plays on my heart. But life goes on. And so I have to. My life becomes routine. Wake, breakfast, work, lunch, more work, home, shower, dinner, sleep. When Josh is around he surprises me constantly. I’ll arrive home and he’ll be there waiting for me, having let himself in with the spare key, and he’ll announce that we are going out for dinner. Or he’ll turn up at work and take me out for lunch. Or he’ll just be there to help me unwind after a long day.

It’s not like I have a hard time at work. I work at Kerrang! magazine and my boss is lovely. And, bonus, when Josh is in the country he is often invited in, with the guys of course, and I’ll sit in the office listening to You Me At Six playing exclusive acoustic sets. That’s the one time I don’t miss Josh, when there’s a band in, playing music. It turns into an office party and it’s great. But then they leave, and the emptiness returns.

I’m so proud of Josh though. Him and the boys. They are headlining a tour in America, which is amazing. No matter how far away that is, I’m so happy that he’s out there, doing something he loves and making a difference to other people’s lives. I’ve seen things that sixers say on the internet and I’ve almost become one myself. It’s a sort of comfort to me, surrounding myself with others that I know love him almost as much as I do.

I’ve known them for years, since secondary school, but me and Josh have only been together for two years. I’ve liked him for longer than that, but since he actually asked me out I’ve fallen deeper and deeper, my love for him growing more than I thought it could.

It was one day near the end of their American tour, and I was sitting in my office without much to do and I had my mp3 on. Always Attract by You Me At Six. I can still remember the first time Josh had to go away, I had been listening to that song the last day we had together.

‘I’m gonna miss you, Josh,’ I said as I lay against his chest, curled up next to him on the sofa.
‘I’m gonna miss you too, Gem,’ he replied.
I could feel his voice resonating through his chest. I always felt special when he called me Gem. My full name is Gemma, so everyone shortened it, but Josh always said it reminded him of a diamond, especially when he said it to me.
‘But whenever I’m away,’ he whispered, ‘just remember you can listen to this song and know I’m thinking of you.’
I smiled up at him as he brought his lips down to meet mine.

Just then my Blackberry vibrated on the desk, snapping me out of my trance.

‘I know it’s a Tuesday and you usually have nothing to do, why not ask if you can have half a day off and head home after your lunch break? All my love, J xx’

I was suddenly filled with confusion. Why would Josh have sent me that while he was on tour? The only texts I got were just to tell me he missed me, or because Max had done something incredibly stupid that he knew would make me laugh.

Whatever Josh’s intentions were, I decided it was a good idea. The only person in the office doing any work was our editor, planning next week’s magazine and creating mock ups of main feature pages, which would be filled when the rest of us had accumulated the images and interviews. I knocked on the door to the boss’s office.

‘Hey,’ I said as I entered.

‘What can I do for you Gem?’ he asked.

‘Well, it’s just, you know I never have much to do on a Tuesday, so I wondered if I could head home after lunch? I’ll take it unpaid, I don’t mind.’

‘That’s fine, if you have better and more productive things to do I entirely understand. Don’t worry about taking it unpaid, you wouldn’t be doing anything even if you were here,’ he smiled.

‘Thank you,’ I said, before heading back to my desk and packing away to head to lunch.

The thing was, I didn’t think I did have anything better to do.

After lunch I took a slow walk home enjoying the early spring sunshine. For some reason I felt more complete than I usually did when Josh was away, I didn’t know whether it was because I knew I had time to relax, which rarely happened, because I was listening to Josh’s voice anyway or simply because the good weather was cheering me up.

I opened my front door, ready to dump my bags as usual and head to the living room and the music channels. What greeted me however, was a shock. The hallway was immaculate. The randomly strewn shoes were stacked neatly on the shelves by the door where they belonged, my bags and coats hung on the pegs above them. On the floor directly in front of me was a single rose, a trail of petals leading from it, up the stairs.

I placed my bag on the pegs and my shoes on the shelves, not wanting to ruin the perfectness of my house, before tentatively climbing the stairs. The petals lead to my closed bedroom door, which I hesitantly opened. On my bed lay 11 more roses, tied with a red ribbon along with a note. The note read:

‘You’ll always be my Gem, no matter how far away I am. I’ll always think of you as my perfect diamond’

I was utterly speechless. I had no idea how this could have happened until I heard the floorboards creak behind me.

There, in the door way, in his DBNO t-shirt and black skinny’s, his blue eyes sparkling in the sunlight that shone through the bedroom window, was my Josh.

‘Josh?’ I asked, shocked and confused.

‘You know I hate it when I leave as much as you do,’ he said as he stepped towards me. ‘I want you to know that nothing will ever make me forget you or fall out of love with you, no matter where I am.’

I could feel my eyes threatening to cry as my heart beat increased. I still couldn’t speak.

And then, he dropped to one knee.

‘I want to show people how much you really mean to me, Gem. Will you please do me the great honour of becoming Mrs. Franceschi?’

He produced a diamond ring from his pocket which, like his eyes, glinted in the sunlight, making the whole thing more magical.

I was still having trouble speaking, between the shock and the fact that I was fighting back the tears. I knew as soon as I spoke there was no stopping the tears of complete and utter joy overflowing.

‘You know I will, Josh,’ I said, eventually.

A look first of relief, then of happiness spread across his perfect features as he took the ring out of the box and slid it carefully onto my finger, before standing back up.

‘It’s diamond,’ he whispered, meaningfully.

‘It’s perfect,’ I whispered in reply, as the tears began to fall. ‘All of this is.’

‘Just like you,’ he smiled, before placing a kiss on my lips.

I now knew I definitely had better things to do than sitting at work. Much, much better.