When I Think About You

Chapter 75: Decisions and Indecisions

A whole day of silence passed after that one phone call that literally tipped me off the balance scale. I was still wound up about my dad calling just like that, and though I'm acting like a drama queen by being really irritable, Lou, Zayn and everyone else understood where I was coming from. Bless their souls.

You see, though I tell everyone that the thing that happened between my mum and dad was fine for me, in all honesty, it wasn't. I still have a wound in my heart because my dad just disappeared like that. He used to call Lou and I for the first two months after the divorce, but, after that the calls became scarce until it just stopped altogether.

So, hopefully, you can now understand that I really didn't have any closure with my parents' divorce. And, I need either that closure or my dad to suck it up and be my dad even though he has another family now.

Did I tell you about his fucking perfect family? He had an affair two years after I was born, and when my mum found out, she forgave him. And then, life was pretty normal after that. Up until two years ago when home became pandemonium because the lady that my d-he had an affair with decided to unveil the fruit of their affair; a daughter. Can you believe it!? They had a fucking child! Lou and I have a half-sister.

At first, Lou and I thought that our parents were fighting because of financial matters since I was about to go to Westminster School; and boarding schools aren't a walk in the park to pay for. And, I blamed myself for their fights. I still remember each and every night of that month clearly...

*flashback*

"Mum, I'm ho-" 15 year-old me got cut of by my mum yelling something at someone in the kitchen.

"What!? You can't possibly... How are we going to tell them!? Especially Lillian! She'll be crushed!"

"Mum?" I cried and ran towards the kitchen. When I entered, my mum wiped the tears on her face and forced a smile on her face. He stood by the counter and smiled at me before hugging me and my mum.

"How was school, Lily Bear?" He asked me. And little old, naïve me answered like nothing was wrong,

"It was fine. I got an A+ in Biology today."

And, that was only the beginning. As days passed, their fights got louder. My mum kept asking my dad 'How are we going to tell Lil!?', and that led me to believe that it was because of my want to study at Westminster School.

So, each and every night, Louis would Skype with me, and I would cry and he would comfort me to the best of his ability since he was in the X-Factor house and not in Doncaster.

On night 22 of my parents' fighting, I finally had it and asked, no, begged Louis to come home. 22 nights of angry fighting, yelling, crying ,and God-knows-what-else can drive a person insane and desperate.

"Louis, please," I pleaded through silent sobs as our parents kept yelling at each other downstairs; thinking that I was already asleep. "Come home."

"This isn't your fault, Lil. It's no-"

I cut him off, "It is, Lou. If only I never said anything about Westminster School... I wish I'd never been born."

"Don't even say that!" Louis hissed as unshed tears shone in his eyes. "Lil, listen to me, none of this is your fault."

"I really miss you, Lou." I mumbled through silent tears.

"I really miss you, too, Lil. I'll be there tomorrow."

***

And, true to his word, Louis went home the following morning. How he managed to convince the producers to let him, I would never know for all he said was 'I bargained with them.'.

"Mum, are you okay?" Lou asked gently as we sat down in the living room without him since he was running an errand. "I want you to be completely honest."

"I... no." She answered before openly breaking down in front of Louis and I. Tears welled up in my eyes and I looked away from my mum as Louis tried to comfort her. It hurt me deeply to just sit there, but I couldn't bring myself to hold my own mother when I knew that I was the reason for her suffering, not to mention her crumbling marriage.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked her softly.

"It's-"

I cut her off, "It's about me and the school, isn't it? I've heard you and dad fighting..." Tears leaked out the corners of my eyes and I hastily wiped them away.

I could feel two pairs of eyes trained on me, and I put my face in my hands before I broke down in tears. "I can just go to some public school if you want."

"No, honey. It's not that..." Mum trailed off and knelt down in front of me before wrapping her arms around me. I hugged her back and sobbed into her shoulder. Louis joined our hug and leaned his cheek on my head.

"Your father... is leaving us." She whispered. My eyes widened and more tears rolled down my cheeks. Then, she proceeded to tell us the reason for their divorce.

Louis tensed up at that, "And, after all this time... you made Lil think that she was the source of your problem!?"

"We d-didn't know that she knew." Mum stammered out. Louis had always been a protective brother, but I never knew that his protective streak ran so deep that he would yell even at our own mother.

"Lou, it's not mum's fault." I whispered; my voice devoid of emotion. 

"You're right." He answered cynically. Suddenly, the front door opened and closed.

"I'm home. Lily Bear!" He called out before entering the living room when no one answered.

"You sick bastard!" Louis yelled angrily before charging at our dad and punching him. I grabbed Louis' arm and anchored it down by hugging it to my chest as more tears rolled down my face.

He cradled his cheek in his hand and mum rushed over to us before pulling me and Louis away from the man that we called our father; or, at least, she tried.

"Do you know how much pain you put my sister through, you bastard!? How could you even do that to your own daughter!? To me!? To mum!?" Louis yelled angrily. I hugged his arm tighter to my chest to keep him from throwing any more punches.

"I'm sorry." He whispered ashamedly.

"Sorry doesn't cut it. The first chance I get, I'm taking Lil and mum far away from here where you can't hurt them. I asked you to take care of them while you were here and I was gone, and instead of doing so, you hurt them! You don't deserve to be called a father."

"You don't have to take them away. I'm the one who'll leave."

*end of flashback*

I shook my head and wiped the stray tears that fell from my eyes as I sat on the bench swing that was on the side porch.

"Love?" Zayn asked quietly as he sat down beside me. I leaned my head on his chest and he cradled me close to him before kissing my forehead.

"I don't know what to do, Zayn." I whispered as I stared vacantly at nothing. I didn't want to cry anymore, not in front of Zayn, anyway. I didn't want to hurt him by letting him see me cry.

"About..." He trailed off.

I nodded, "Yes. Should I accept him back into my life or just ignore him forever?" 

Zayn cradled me closer to him and kissed the crown of my head before resting his cheek against it. "I'm not going to pretend to know how you feel, because I haven't experienced what you went through. But, If I was in your dad's place, I wouldn't want to lose my only daughter, but, Lil I promise you that no matter what decision you make, I will always be here for you." 

"Always?"

"Always."