When I Think About You

Chapter 81: Selfish

"Can we just sit down for once and... I don't know, read?" I asked everyone as I entered the kitchen and grabbed a few apples from the fridge. You see, I enjoy cold apples as opposed to the room temperature ones, so, I always put my apples in the fridge. It's not normal, but, meh... when have I ever been normal?

"Plan the wedding?" Cam suggested.

"When's the wedding, anyway?" Harry asked.

"The 12th." Zayn and I answered simultaneously.

"What!? That's too early." Cam protested. I looked at Zayn and he shrugged which made me grin.

"I think this is one of those silent lovers' communication." Liam murmured which made me roll my eyes and turn back to Cam.

"18th." I answered.

"Why the 18th?" Louis asked as he tried to feed Lux her breakfast. I smiled and walked over to Zayn before plopping down on his lap and kissing his lips gently.

"That's the day we met." Zayn answered smugly.

"I thought we first met on January 18th?" Niall asked confusedly as he continued eating his toast.

"Really, Niall? Really?" I asked incredulously.

"But, we'll be in Boston by then.." Liam trailed off.

"Well, we'll just have to plan everything out so that no one gets suspicious." Cam said thoughtfully and got up from her chair before walking to the living room.

"Did I offend her?" Liam asked.

"No," I laughed quietly. "That's just how she is. I guess we better go help her. It's our wedding."

"You're right." Zayn said with a chuckle before carrying me to the living room where Cam was scribbling down on a notebook. "Wait, shouldn't you be at school?"

"Louis called in sick for me." I reasoned with a wide grin.

"And how did you convince him?"

"Cheese cake." I answered simply before sitting down across Cam.

"The reception," Cam trailed off.

"It can be in the backyard. Before this dolt builds a swimming pool." I answered with a laugh. Zayn rolled his eyes and gently pushed my shoulder which made me roll my own eyes at him.

"Your eye-rolling is contagious, Lil." Louis said from the doorway as he carried Lux.

I got up and got her from Louis before plopping down back beside Zayn.

"So, want to read something?" Zayn asked.

"Sure. I'm feeling very Mythological today, so, Greek Mythology will do."

Zayn got up off the sofa with a chuckle before running up to our room to get a book. When he returned, he was carrying Mythology by Edith Hamilton. The book was very worn out, the pages were dog-eared, and the paper was yellowing up due to natural causes, various colored post-it notes were stuck in between the pages, but it was still readable.

"What did you do to that book!?" Louis exclaimed. "We just got that two years ago."

"I raped it." I answered with a grin.

"Raped it before murdering it!" Lou exaggerated.

"At least it helped me get a close-to-perfect score in my English exam." I countered.

"Close-to-perfect?" Cam piped up.

"There was an essay part on what you learned," I said with a scowl. "I'm sure that I only got a 7 out of 10 on that one."

"Speaking of exams, I.. err.. I need to talk to you, babe. Just.. you." I mumbled and handed Lux over to Cam before holding Zayn's hand and looking up into his eyes. I closed my own and took a deep breath to steady myself. The door closed and I felt my chest tighten in nervousness. It was hard enough just thinking about it, now, I have to say it, too.

"What is it, love?" Zayn asked softly as he reached his hand up to cup my cheek; but, he accidentally brushed my right breast which made me wince in pain. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just my boobs are getting tender, and it hurts when you touch it." I mumbled and tried to smile despite the pain that was decreasing by the second.

"Sorry." Zayn mumbled and I shook my head as he cupped my cheek.

"No, it's okay." I answered with a small smile. "Zayn, I don't know whether to continue school or not."

Zayn sat there; frozen. His eyes bore into mine and I looked away in shame. I was ashamed that I was even considering leaving for college when the baby was born. His hand dropped from my cheek and I bit my bottom lip.

"You're selfish." He said seriously as his eyes narrowed at me. His words cut like knives and it was more than enough to bring tears to my eyes. Anger bubbled up in me and I desperately tried to keep a cool head, but miserably failed. I sprung up off the couch and glared at Zayn with so much hatred and anger in my eyes.

"Selfish!? I'm selfish!?" I exclaimed with a bitter laugh. "I'm practically failing school because of... this!"

As soon as the words left my mouth, my hands flew up to cover it from saying anything else that I didn't mean.

No. No. No. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say it.

"Hey! Hey!" Louis barged in the room and analysed the situation before trying to stop it; to no avail, really. Since I looked at Zayn with a guilty look in my eyes before running up to the third floor and locking myself in the lounge that was there.

I sat down on the floor and rested my back against the door as I placed my hands on my stomach before sobbing uncontrollably.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO HER FIRST, YOU DOLT!" Cam screamed at Zayn. I closed my eyes and buried my face in my knees and desperately tried to drown everything out.

Then, that's when the nausea decided to fuck my life even more. I squeezed my eyes shut even more and prayed to every deity that existed that I would be knocked unconscious; but, it didn't happen.

Nothing ever happened according to plan.