When I Think About You

Chapter 82: Breaking at the Cracks

"Lil?" Louis called from the other side of the door. I ignored him and continued sniffling. "Lil, it's been a day. Please, go down to eat. If you want, I can bring your food up here."

Louis' exaggerating. It hasn't been a day; it's only been a... Has it really been a day?

" Has it really been a day?" I asked quietly. Clothing rustled from the outside, and I assumed that Louis sat down by the door.

"Yeah. Everyone's worried sick; and they've been threatening to murder Zayn."

I sighed at the very mention of his name.

"You're not selfish, Lil. You're not entirely selfless, but you know how to balance it out. And, you deciding to keep the baby and even considering putting all your hopes and dreams on hold is the most selfless thing a person can ever hope to do."

"It wasn't enough for Zayn." I answered softly as I wiped more tears that rolled down my cheeks.

"Well, he's a dolt, but now he knows how much you sacrificed just for him and the baby."

"So, you're taking his side now?" I snapped.

"I'm placing myself in the middle. Because that's the most responsible thing to do."

"You? Responsible? Well, this is a first." I said and laughed lightly.

"See, I made you laugh." Louis said with a laugh. "So, do you want me to bring you breakfast up here or do you want to go downstairs?"

"I think I'll go down with you. I'm feeling a bit better now. Besides, I need to shower." I answered and slowly got up to my feet before opening the door. Louis crushed me in a Tommo hug and I winced before punching his arm.

"You dolt," I hissed. "My boobs hurt."

"Sorry. I forgot. Have you been feeling nauseous?" He asked worriedly as he looped arms with me and led me down to the kitchen.

"Yes." I nodded solemnly.

"When will the morning sickness come?" He asked with a chuckle. I rolled my eyes and shoved him lightly.

"You're an arse." I grumbled before we laughed.

"Lil! You're alive!" Niall was about to tackle me in a hug, but Cam pulled him back.

"Her boobs hurt. If you're gonna hug her, hug her gently." She said and gave me a gentle hug; without pressing against my chest.

"I saw this wonderful post on the site that you always visit, Lil," Harry called happily. I turned to him and avoided even glancing at the person who sat next to him.

"What'd it say?" I asked chirpily. I know that it would be mean of me to make him grovel at my feet, but, I think I deserve even one scene in my life that has him groveling at my feet for forgiveness; now's that time.

"Hey, I just fucked you
And it was crazy
Now delete my number
And keep the baby," Harry sang and I burst out laughing, then clutched my throbbing head. I had the urge to vomit, ad held it in before rushing to one of the bathrooms and leaning over the toilet to puke my guts out.

Someone held my hair back and a familiar musky scent engulfed my senses. I kept my head down and wretched some more before spitting the saliva that was in my mouth and flushing the toilet. A hand shot out from the side with some tissue; I got the tissue and wiped my mouth before moving to the sink and rinsing my mouth out, then leaving the loo without even acknowledging Zayn.

"Are you okay?" Louis asked worriedly as he rushed over to me.

"I'm fine. And, I hope that that answers your question earlier." I answered with a smirk.

***

For the whole day, I ignored Zayn and all his efforts to be a chivalrous fiancé; opening doors for me, pulling my chair out, all that jazz. Whenever he spoke up, I would cut him off by addressing someone else in the room. When I was all alone in a room and he would enter, I'd get up off my seat and leave him alone. I know that it was mean of me to do so, but he deserved it, right?

Liam told me that I was being childish and that I was rubbing more salt into Zayn's wound. I answered him with 'I'll formally  forgive him either when he begs on his knees for forgiveness or when he admits that he was a prick for telling me that I was selfish and that he'd never say anything as stupid and judgmental as that to me ever again, or maybe even both.'

"Lil, forgive him already." Louis mumbled quietly as we sat cross-legged on mine and Zayn's bed that evening.

"Lou, you heard my conditions. I'll only forgive the dolt if he does both or even just either of the two." I answered and pinched my toes in my hands; a habit I formed when I was 6.

"That's a cruel thing to do, Lil. Besides, Zayn would never grovel. That's not the way he rolls." Louis answered skeptically.

"I'll be selfish for once." I stated with a smirk. Lou rolled his eyes and brushed some imaginary dust from his shirt.

The door opened and Zayn stepped in the room. Louis kissed my forehead and patted Zayn's shoulder when he passed him. I got up off the bed and Zayn held his hand up in alarm.

"No. Stay. Please. I'll sleep on the couch." He said softly and grabbed his pillows and a spare blanket from the closet before setting it down on the couch. Then, he glanced up at me with a pleading look in his eyes which made my resolve falter a bit. I looked away and he sighed again, "I'm really sorry."

After he said that, he went in our en-suite and shut the door quietly. I closed my eyes and released a quoet sigh before making my way towards the couch that was across my spot on the bed. Silently, I took the pillows in my hands and fluffed them up before setting them neatly on the couch. Then, I unfolded the blanket and set it down over the couch seat before moving back to the bed and laying down; willing sleep to come to me. It never did.

For almost twenty minutes, I lay there, unmoving. Eventually, Zayn exited the bathroom and stopped a few feet away fro the couch; I would know, he had heavy footfalls.

I could feel his eyes on me and I tried to stay still as he walked towards me and knelt down beside me.

"I'm really sorry. Please forgive me. I miss you. I was a stupid git for even saying that to you. I never realized until yesterday how much you gave up for me and the baby... If only I could turn back time..." I had to fight the urge to smile. I mean, who quotes their own song!? Only he's cheesy enough to do that.  "I need you back."

He leaned down and brushed his lips gently against mine which made butterflies flutter in my stomach. Then, he got up and made his way over to the couch, but not before turning the light off.

I couldn't sleep because of all those things he said and the fact that the bed (and my soul) felt empty without him. It made me feel guilty for acting the way I did. I guess it's bad to provoke a pregnant woman... what with all the hormones flowing through my body.

Finally, after contemplating it for a very long time, I silently got out of bed and made my way over to the couch. When I got there, I gently lifted  the blanket off him and nestled myself beside him. He sputtered a bit but wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer. I leaned my head on his chest and closed my eyes for a few minutes before giving in to my desires and kissing his lips gently.

"I love you." I whispered as I snuggled my head further into his chest and fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.