Summer of Love

Ever since that night with Travis, my head has been clouded with confusion. Cian had come home that night after Travis had left and we had a good talk. No matter what happened between us, Cian was one of my best friends these days. Sara and Hannah were barely ever home anymore, so I confided in him. I wasn’t sure if that was smart or not, but I needed to get it out.

I toyed with my half eaten cookie. We settled on a late night snack. He was still dressed in his uniform and looked worn out. He dunked his cookie into his milk and bite off the piece hungrily. I saw this and laughed.

“You know I can actually make you something to eat if you’re hungry.” He just waved his hand and polished off the rest of the plate I had baked.

Now, after I had shared everything with him, he wouldn’t look at me. He seemed to be thinking as he toyed with the last cookie. I waited silently until my patience started to wear thin and anxiety crept through. Why was he so damn quiet?

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “You’re killing me with your silence.”

His gaze flickered up to mine before retreated back to his half filled glass of milk. He still toyed with the cookie.

“Travis is a good guy.” His voice was quiet and held no animosity. What surprised me was that it held defeat.

I frowned. “So you think it’s safe to say we would make a good match?”

He dropped the cookie and sat back with a heavy sigh. “I don’t know, Misa. Why are you asking me this?”

“I’m asking you this because no matter what happened between us, you have always been one of my best friends.” I was surprised at his sudden outburst and the strange way he was acting.

He ran his hands through his hair and rose to his feet. He drained his glass of the milk and left the last cookie. That was shocking. He never left any of my baking uneaten. He paced into the kitchen, leaving me at the table. I decided to give him some space and moved to the living room to lay across the couch. I stared up at the ceiling with a sigh. I was so conflicted with my feelings for Travis and the ones I had always felt for Cian. The feelings were still strong, but not as strong as they used to be. Conversing with Cian was easier than breathing air and he really was one of my best friends. Travis was a romantic at heart with his adorable smiles and cute blushes. He was the type to always hold the door for me, to always compliment me in whatever I choose to wear. He was the type to stay. But so was Cian.

I groaned and rubbed my face with my hands. I knew that Cian would always be my friend, so I had no real fear of losing him. I just...wanted my feelings to recognized I guess. Ever since that kiss on the bridge and the way things had fallen apart so easily...it scared me to think if we got together, it would only happen again. On the other hand, Cian made me feel things nobody else did. Until Travis came along.

Reaching behind me, I grabbed the couch pillow and screamed as loud as I could into it. Why does everything have to be about boys? I’m not even finished High School yet and summer was coming. Final exams were coming. I might not even graduate because I haven’t been able to focus on studying. The thought made me sick. I might not graduate, I might fail my exams. I have to. For the sake of parents and my brother, I had to graduate. They always had high hopes for me.

I jumped off the couch and raced upstairs to my room. I locked myself inside and gathered my school books and situated myself comfortably on my bed. Today was going to be a long day.

It was late in the evening by the time I had finished most of my studying. I had a knack for retaining information and knew that at least I was going to pass my Math exam. Tomorrow, I would study English. Those were the two I needed to pass in order to graduate. I gave a tired yawn just as my cell began to ring. I stole a glance at my digital clock and blinked at the time. It was almost midnight and someone was calling me. Frowning, I reached for my phone and saw that it was Travis. I smiled before I could think about it.

I flipped it open. “Why are you up so late?”

He chuckled on the other end. “Just one of those nights. We’re leaving tomorrow back on tour.”

I could tell by the softness of his voice, he was upset. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and I sighed.

“What time?”

“Around lunch. We don’t have another concert until the day after, but we have to be there earlier enough,” he said bitterly.

I bit my lip. I don’t know when I would get to see him again. So, I said the first thing that came to mind.

“Want to come over?” I squeezed my eyes shut, clamping my lips closed with embarrassment.

Silence. My eyes flew open and I held my breath.

“I’ll be there right away.” He sounded relieved that I had asked. Maybe he wanted to see me as bad as I wanted to see him. Who knew when we would get another chance like; it wouldn’t be for a while. I smiled and hung up.

I turned to set my phone down when I collided with a hard chest. I gave a startled gasp, the cell slipping from my grasp onto the floor. I stared up at Cian and breathed out a sigh of relief.

‘Holy crap, you scared the hell out of me!” I breathed with a hand over my racing heart.

He said nothing and just searched my eyes. I blinked in confusion, wondering what had gotten into him all of a sudden. I didn’t get to think too much about it because his lips were secured to mine and everything I had been thinking flew right out the window without a care in the world. The fireworks exploded and my blood burned. The heat was intangible, engulfing me in flames. There was so much of it, it was almost overwhelming. I pulled away before it blazed out of control and evolved into something I would later regret.

Our breathing was heavy as we stared each other, heart’s racing. He still has feelings for me, this proved it. But I had feelings for Travis...where they strong than what I felt for Cian? The confusion came back in tidal waves and I took a step away, reclaiming my personal space. I couldn’t think with him so close to me. I pinched the bridge of my nose and turned away to pace. Cian took a deep breath and plunged right into the thick of things.

“Misa, I know you have a thing for Travis and he’s a really good guy, but damn it I still have feelings for you and I can’t just throw them away!” he cried passionately, his eyes blazing like steel.

I ran my hands through my hair, wishing I could just disappear. It was all too much. I felt like I was being forced into a corner, to pick one or the other. I didn’t like it, I didn’t like it at all.

“You tell me this now? After how long?” I asked, turning to him with a frown. I was beginning to stress myself out.

He gave a shrug. “What did you want me to say? Did you want me to tell you that I’ve always had feelings for you, even when I was with Terra?”

I stared at him in disbelief. “Yes!”

He sighed and stepped toward me. “Well, I’m telling you now and that’s all that matters.”

I stepped back, keeping the distance between us. “No! That’s not all that matters, Cian! I have feelings for Travis now!” I was going to start crying any second, I could feel it. “Why would wait until this very moment to complicate everything?”

He lowered his head in defeat. “Because I didn’t know what to say.”

I laughed bitterly, the tears burning my eyes. “I don’t know what you expect from me, Cian, but this isn’t fair.”

“I know, but I had to tell you now before it’s too late.”

“And what?” I whirled to face him angrily. “You expect me to jump into your arms all of a sudden? Why would you make this so much more difficult?”

His eyes flashed and he reached out, grabbing my arm. “Damn it, Misa, I’m trying to tell you something!”

“That’s the problem!” I shouted, the tears spilling over. I officially cracked under the pressure. “You waited this long after Jordan that I had time to fall for another guy and now you step in? That’s not fair!”

“Life isn’t fair!” he shouted back angrily.

I glared at him through my tears. “You have no right, no right to do this now!”

His eyes hardened. “I have every right.” His lips slammed against mine viciously.

This was a type of kiss I had never experienced. It was rough, harsh and made fear trickle down my spine and the hair on my neck stand on end. This wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t something to be claimed, to be marked as a possession and that was what he was trying to do. I refuse to let someone force themselves on me.

My hands found a way to his chest and I shoved back, sending him stumbling to give me enough space to breath. I glared at him angrily.

“Don’t you try and mark me like a piece of property, Cian. Don’t you dare go that route.” My voice was hard and angry, a voice, a tone I rarely used.

He stepped forward again, a certain glint in his eye that caused ringing bells of warning to shout in my head. I sidestepped to create more distance and give me access to the bedroom door. The closer I was to an exit, the safer I felt.

“I am not marking you, Misa. For God sake, I’m trying to tell you I love you and I can’t stand the thought of you being with him!”

I cracked a vicious smile. I didn’t feel like me. I felt like a completely different person. “Haven’t we been down this route before?” I narrowed my eyes, the smiling disappearing. “Remember how that turned out?”

“Yes, I remember,” he growled and took a step closer. I took a step back to the door.

The doorbell downstairs rang. I shook my head at Cian and backed closer to the door. “You waited too long, Cian. If you really loved me, you wouldn’t have given me the time to find somebody else.”

I left, leaving him in my bedroom. I dashed down the stairs, my emotions in disarray and slipped on my shoes. I opened the door to reveal a smiling Travis, but that lovely smile faded when he saw my face. Concern flickered in his eyes. I pushed past him and slammed the door closed behind me. I didn’t even bother to grab my purse. Reaching out, I grabbed a sputtering Travis and pulled him down to where his car sat and climbed in. He followed suit and opened his mouth, but I cut him off.

“Drive.” My voice was shaky and I was going to break down any second. “Please, just drive,” I whispered.

Without asking questions, he started the car and drove slowly down the street. The silence was filled with unspoken questions as cruised along to the outskirts of the city. City and Color was playing in the background quietly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” His voice was soft and soothing. I sighed and forced my tense body to relax and leaned back into the seat.

I swallowed. “I had a fight with Cian.”

He frowned and stole a glance at me. “Well, that’s not good.” He looked away, his expression thoughtful. “Was it about me?”

I looked at him in surprise at his intuition. I guess it wasn’t that hard to figure out...

I sighed and gave a small nod. “He decided to lay a big one on me.”

He didn’t look at me, just at the road ahead. “He confessed his feelings I’m guessing.” It was more a statement than a question. I didn’t like where this was going. I didn’t want to lose Travis, but I didn’t want to lose Cian either.

“I-I don’t know what to do. I mean, he waited this long to come out and say something when I’ve started developing feelings for you,” I blurted stressfully.

Now he turned to look at me and his face was that of bashful surprise. His face went up in flames, starting from his cheeks and spreading out.

“Y-you have feelings for me?” he stuttered and I blinked. Didn’t he already know that? I don’t kiss random people!

“Well, yeah...I don’t just go around kissing people if I don’t like them.” I looked at him in confusion.

He licked his lips and stared out ahead at the road. The blush remained and despite the stress, I couldn’t help but think of how handsome and shy he looked.

“I never t-thought you h-had feelings like that for me.” His adam’s apple bobbed nervously and I couldn’t control the smile.

“Well...” I said, lowering my gaze. “You make it hard not to like you.”

He veered off to a gravel road. The movement was so startling, I grabbed the dashboard with tight fingers, my heart slamming into my throat. He stopped the car and turned off the engine. Silence flowed through the car. He turned to look at me seriously.

“So now that we’ve confirmed we have feelings for each other, where does Cian fit into this?” His eyes were searching and his jaw was set.

I bit my lip and gave an honest shrug. “In my opinion, I’m angry because he waited so long and put me in a position like this. I don’t like being pressured and...” I frowned. “He scared me a little back there. He was so serious and...demanding.”

Anger flashed through his eyes. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

My eyes snapped to him and I shook my head fervently. “Oh no, nothing like that! Cian would never hurt me like that. He just...” I looked away with a sigh, gazing out into the empty field. “He scared me for the first time.”

His expression softened and he gazed out ahead, watching the lazy clouds roll by. “So what are you going to do? I’m not meaning to sound pushy or force you to make a decision, but...I’m leaving tomorrow and I would like to know where I stand in all of this.”

His voice was so soft and filled with emotion, I felt conflicted and angry with myself, angry with Cian. Damn him to hell and back for making me feel this way. I ran a hand through my hair, feeling ready to cry all over again. I turned and looked at him tearfully and he frowned. Reaching across, he took my hand in his own and using his other, wiped away the stray tears that fell from my tired eyes.

“Misa, no matter what, everything is going to be okay. No matter what decision you make, I’ll always be your friend, be someone you can talk to.” He smiled affectionately and gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. “I’ll never stop trying because I think you are more than worth the effort.”

Now I really started to cry. He was so damn nice, so damn sweet and so damn handsome. He was everything a woman would want in their partner. He was someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with. He is someone who makes me feel that no one else does. Cian was all fire and heat and passion. Travis was a slow kindle that blossomed into something so much more effective then fire and heat. He was everything. That was when I made my decision.

I met his gaze, the tears having stopped instantly. He looked back at me, sensing something important was about to said. The atmosphere crackled around us in his beautiful car.

“I think we should give this a shot.” I held my breath. “What do you think?”

He sat there, still as a statue as if not comprehending and then....

Slowly, he smiled.