Heavy

The next day was Sunday, and Elsa had gone to the church a few blocks from our house. Elsa is a Catholic, she still believes and prays to God. I never judged her about it, because I was taught to believe in a higher power myself. I just never went to church with her. So, every Sunday, she'd get up and tell me goodbye and tell that she made warm maple syrup for my waffles.

"Thank you." I murmured to her as I rolled over in my bed.

"You are welcome. I will be home at 11."

I gave a short nod and heard her walk out of my room and down the stairs. When I finally heard the front door closed, I got up and decided to take a shower and then eat.

I hopped into the shower, and washed up. I wasn't in there long; when I got out, I went straight into my room and dressed. Before I had my sweats on, there was a knock on my door. I raised my brow, wondering who the hell would be visiting me. I jogged down the stairs and saw a shadow in the window; without even thinking I opened the door.

There was the man of my dreams. The ruler of all in my body that is holy. Gerard Way.

"Hey." I greeted him with a smile, nearly dropping the towel from my head.

"I wanted to hang with you today." He said.

"Sure, come in. I gotta put my hair up."

He walks in with this cool demeanor, the scent of cigarettes followed him. I closed the door and admired him; he looked a lot better than yesterday.

"I'll be right back, make yourself at home." I tell him.

Gerard nodded, slipping his leather jacket off his shoulders. I nearly squealed when I entered my bathroom. Any sight of him made me a happy little idiot. My big dumb moon shaped head fill with happy thoughts. I was madly in like with him.

I placed my hair up and went back down. I crept into the living room, not seeing him. I frowned, "Gee?"

I jumped when I felt him jump onto me and latch his arms around my waist. I gasped and he laughed, "I scared you!"

I slapped his arm lightly, "Gerard!" I whined.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek, "I scared you, didn't I?"

"Yes!" 

He let me go and twirled me around, I smiled happily at him, letting him lean closer to me. We both stalled unsure of who would lean in closer. I let myself grow bold and pressed my lips to his. 

My stomach knotted uneasily as we kissed. It grew so much heavier that his hands gripped around my waist. I cupped his jaw and slowly moved my arms to wrap around his neck.

We had gotten so deep into the kissing, his hands slipped under my shirt and felt the warm skin of my hips. Goosebumps rose and I pulled away abruptly; "Whoa..."

Gerard, he smiles so beautifully, sheepishly, "Sorry."

His hands moved from under my shirt, "It's okay...we got carried away."

I took his hand and led him towards the couch. We both sat and I took control, kissing him so boldly. Gerard had been caught off guard, but he soon caught up and kissed back. Every little fiber of my being let me know that this was a good idea. That kissing Gerard the way I was, was all I was meant to do in my life.

It all got so heated, so fast. He pushed me gently on my back and climbed on top of me. My stomach fluttered unmercifully and I moaned against his mouth; despite how much we kissed, we never French kissed, and it really didn't occur or matter to me. I was happy just to be beneath him. To have his lips against mine was heaven.

When Gerard pulled away, we were both breathing heavily and he propped up on his elbow to look at me. His hand brushed against my cheek and cupped my jaw; "You're so beautiful." He says in this soft, honest tone.

I swallowed thickly, unsure of what to say, "Really?"

He nodded, "Yeah, October, don't you know?"

"I never..." I trailed slightly, "I'm not pretty."

"You're beautiful, not pretty."

I smiled shyly, avoiding his eyes. Gerard made me gush and my heart tear at the seams. He makes me feel good, and makes me feel wanted. I wanted him around always. I wanted to grip his close to me and never let go.

"Thank you." I say quietly.

He sighed softly, "I think I'm falling real hard for you."

I licked my lips, "Is that good or bad?"

He shrugged slightly, "I can't tell...but I like it. How do you feel?"

I shrugged, too, "I like you and how you make me feel, Gee."

He leant forward, pressing his lips to my nose, making me giggle. I bit at my bottom lip, wanting him to kiss me again. But, I brushed my hand through his hair and rested it against his back.

"I'm glad I met you." He said.

"Me, too." I murmured.

We didn't speak after. He rolled over close to my side and held me. I felt so damn happy, I was addicted to this, I never felt like this before. 

It's like being on drugs. Being higher than any drug could take you. I wanted it to last forever.


After a while, Gee and I had gotten up and went for a walk. The weather was better and the sun was shining. We walked, hand in hand, towards the outskirts of the suburbs.

We didn't really talk, there was nothing much to say. We were happy, we couldn't stop smiling. In this mess of destruction of self loathing and hate we found each other. We found a little piece of happiness and comfort. We found someone just as messed up as ourselves.

In a way, we needed each other. We sort of depended on each other.

Once we had stopped at a park, Gerard and I began to talk. Like, really talk. It wasn't the same old routine of nothing; we spoke about our dreams and finally out personal lives.

He told me about his family, which was tough for him.

"I find you becoming closer to me, October, so I want you to know."

I had shaken my head, "You can tell me anything."

He had licked his lips, "Yeah, I know."

He told me about his mom's leaving the family unexpectedly. He told me about the first time his dad had hit him and how he felt. He said he had always felt suicidal, but when his father had gone that far, he prayed, each night for death.

I couldn't even fathom the thought of Gerard feeling that way. He was too amazing to feel that way. A person like him come once in lifetime; his life shouldn't be wasted.

I never interrupted him. I wanted to learn everything about him. I wanted to tell him everything about myself, too, to counter our lives and see how we matched. 

To see if we were soul mates.

Then, I didn't want to say I was in love with him, because I feared love. I didn't want to love anyone, because no one loved me. I didn't like the big L word.

But, I knew then, that my life was meant to be spent with him.