Heavy

The day my parents had come home, I had been a nervous wreck. I had cracked my knuckles several times, popping those little air bubbles in my blood out of fear. At the time I didn't know if they would like him or not, how could they not? He's a gift sent from heaven. He save their little October.

On the way over, I had grabbed Gerard's hand, squeezing it tightly. The sweat jarred in our palms was making it hard to grip hold of it. Gerard had looked at me, cupping my jaw, letting our hands go, "Stop worrying, Sugar."

Jesus, I love when he calls me Sugar.

"I love you, I want them to feel the same." I told him this in a shaky breath.

"And if they don't, who cares? It's me and you, Sugar." He kissed my cheek.

"You're right." I exhaled the breath I had been holding.

I had led him up to my house, ignoring my family's Eco-friendly car. I opened the door, hearing my dad's voice talking to Elsa. I pulled Gerard in behind me, he closed the door and took hold of my hand loosely.

"C'mon." I said to him.

We walked into the dining room, seeing my parents talking back and forth. I cleared my throat, having them both look at us.

"October," My mom greeted me, "How have you been?"

She got up, along with my father and engulfed me in a hug. I hugged back, letting go of Gerard. After hugging my father, I coursed my hair, "Um, mom, dad, this is my boyfriend, Gerard. Elsa told you about him."

They both looked at each other then gave a nod. I turned to Gerard, "Gee, these are my parents."

My dad stuck out his hand, "Nice to meet you, son."

"Same here." Gerard smiled, shaking his hand.

"Are you taking care of my daughter?" My mom asked.

Gerard nodded, "Yes, ma'am, I keep a good vigilant eye on her."

I smiled as my parents smiled. It was nice, I knew I had gotten their approval.

But...at dinner, things had changed.

As Elsa served her pasta, the topic of careers came up. I kept quiet as Gerard told my dad that his dad was a fan of his band. Then, they talked about music and art. My mom and I had stayed out, Elsa had joined in, but just a little; she sat across from me, smiling at me with great, pure, honest happiness.

"What do you plan to do?" My mom asked him, "Are you in college?"

Gerard had shaken his head, "Not yet, I'm working a lot. I live on my own, so I have bills to pay."

My mom looked at me, "What? You have a place of your own? No adult supervision?"

Gerard had set his fork down, I just looked at my mom in disbelief; "I've been living on my own for about 3 years, almost. I'm very determined to--"

My mom had stopped him, "Have you been alone with him October, in his home?" She had shot a glance to me.

"Mom, we don't--"

She stopped me, "That wasn't the question, October," I really hate the way she says my name, "My question was: Are you ever alone with him in his house?"

I looked to Elsa for help, she sighed, "Ms. Fredrick, I can assure--"

She cut Elsa off, "I'm talking to October. And, by the way she won't answer me, that's a yes. Isn't it?"

We were all silent. The tension wasn't thick in the air, but it was growing.

"Yes." I answered, "But, we don't do--"

"I don't believe it." She stated bluntly, "Gerard, leave, you aren't allowed to see my daughter any longer. October, go to your bedroom."

Slowly, we both stood up. I hugged Gerard tightly, kissing him, "I love you." I tell him from the pit of my burning stomach.

"I love you, too." He kissed my cheek, then let me go.

I watched him leave. Almost walk out of my life.

I had turned to my mom, "I can't wait until you guys leave again. This place is a fucking prison every time you come home. You're hardly parents!"

With all that, I ran away. I ran up the stairs, to my bedroom, where I locked the door. I sat down on the floor, anger brewing inside. 

I needed razors.

Once a junkie, always a junkie.

But, I couldn't find them. Gerard must've thrown them away. I began to sob, the range of my emotions was haywire. I don't know why it had bothered me so much. I think it's because I love Gerard so much, that I never wanted anyone to belittle or judge him.

He's my everything. My parents hadn't understood then.


My mom had made several, threatening attempts to get me out of that room. I thought I'd stay in until they went away again. One day had passed and I was restless.

I didn't want to stay in that house. I needed to get away. I needed my Gerard.

That ultra dependence on my weakened control. My own form of addiction. A man that I love so damn much.

The one. My one and only. First, last, and forever.

So, I decided to leave then. I couldn't have stayed; I would have gone nuts! I had grabbed my useless black backpack, stuffed in some clothing, then I jumped out the window. Not in the literal sense.

I had made it to the ground and ran down the street. I ran as far as my pudgy, out of shape body would allow. I had gone to Gerard's, I saw his lights on and walked up the porch.

I knocked. Three times, and waited.

No more than 10 seconds, the door opened. There he was. My everything. The Run to my DMC. As funny and that sounds; there was no me without him.

"October, Sugar, what're you--"

I stopped him, "I couldn't stay." I told him, "I missed you."

He grabbed my arm gently, the let me in, "Your parents don't know, do they?"

A rhetorical question.

"Who cares! It's me and you, remember?" I spoke meekly, that I hadn't been so sure.

But, when he pulled me into this warm embrace, I had been reassured. The kiss on the forehead was love. It was all about the fact that it was us against the world now. As cliche as it sounds; we were against everything that wanted to keep us apart. It wasn't much, just my parents.

I had, had two years before I was out of school and I could be with him. A minimum of 730 days before I would be free. Free to do as I pleased and never hearing about my parents.

The waiting was brutal.