Heavy

While my parents were yelling at one another, I had grabbed the phone from the hall and called Gerard. The tears were harboring in my eyes, my throat burned from the lack of sobs. I had wanted to talk to him, to tell him what was going on.

"Hello?"

I sobbed, "Gee."

"October? What's wrong?"

"They're going to take me away." I told him, "They're going to make me go with them! I don't want to go with them."

"Go where?" 

"Their stupid tours! They're going to be gone for months, I don't want to go! I want to stay with you."

I had sobbed and cried like a big baby. Back then, I was afraid of losing my everything. The yin to my yang. My Gerard. My everything.

"Calm down, Sugar, please," he ordered me softly, "Just calm down."

"I can't!" I sobbed harder, "I don't want to leave you!"

"You aren't going to leave me, October." He sounded so sure then.

I had believed him wholeheartedly.

"You don't know my mom; she'll take me away and won't think twice!"

"I'm coming over." He said in a hard voice.

"My mom would have you arrested."

"I'll climb up your window then. I'll be there in 15 minutes."

I hung up with Gerard, paced my room as the yelling stopped. The front door slammed, then silence. I heard someone coming up the stairs, my door didn't open until a full minute later. It was Elsa, she didn't look to happy, she looked downright sad. She gave a soft sigh, looking at me with her large, beautiful blue eyes; "I've come to pack your suitcase. You and your parents will leave tomorrow afternoon."

I jumped up, "I can't go Elsa! Please, make them let me stay with you!"

Elsa shook her head, "Your mother, she has fired me."

My eyes grew wide, "What?! She fired you?!"

Elsa nodded, headed straight to my closet and got my large, black suitcase out.

"Why?" I asked softer.

She turned to me, "She say I was too easy on you. It's my fault I didn't watch you close enough."

"Elsa, you're amazing, you did nothing wrong."

Elsa smiled at me, "Thank you, October. I loved teaching you and caring for you." She went to my dresser and got some clothes out.

"Where will you go?" I asked softer.

"Your father has given me a few days to get a new place, then I will find a new job."

I started to cry, "My mom is being unfair. I don't want you to go, Elsa."

Elsa starts to tear up, too, "I will see you again, October." She knelt over to me and hugged me.

I held Elsa tight as I began to cry again. She let out a little sob and let me go, "I have to finish. I have to get my own things packed as well."

I shook my head, "I can do it." I tell her.

She dropped a pair of jeans in the suitcase. She looked at me, "Promise you will not cut?"

I nod, knowing that I was just agreeing to an empty promise. I couldn't even imagine not cutting -Then. I was so pissed off, so sad, so angry with my parents and the world. I had wanted to end my life. I had felt like it was the only answer to what I was going through.

When Elsa left my room, Gerard had just climbed up my window. I opened it, letting him in; the cold wind nipped at my skin as I closed it. I looked at him and pulled him into my arms; "They fired Elsa. They're taking me away."

He sighed, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, October."

"I don't want them to make me go." I sobbed again.

"I don't know what to say or do." He spoke with frustration.

In a way, I had known that this was it. This would be my and Gerard's final goodbye. A good riddance to happiness.

So, I held him tight. I buried my face into his chest, his hands rubbed my back, his lips left kisses on the top of my head. We stood like this for a while, until I heard my mother coming up the stairs.

"October?" She didn't sound pleased.

I moved Gerard to my bathroom and pressed a finger to my lips to make him quiet. Just as I closed the bathroom door, my bedroom door opened.

"Yeah?" I said as I crossed to my bed and zipped up my suitcase.

"You're mad, aren't you?"

"Yes." I sat down, looking away from her.

"I'm not here to give you a speech, I just here to let you know that I'm doing this for your own good." With that, my mom turned and left the room.

I rolled my eyes, getting up and going to the door, locking it. I then went to the bathroom, letting Gerard out. I didn't speak, I just pulled him to my bed, tossed the suitcase on the floor. I climbed into my bed and pulled Gerard in with me. He wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face into the crook of his neck. We were both quiet, not to waste our last night/day together with chattiness.

And, it was a nice night. I'm so glad it happened. It made me love and appreciate Gerard more so than I thought possible.

I had been afraid of what to expect when I woke up the following morning. I was afraid that Gerard would be gone and that I would be leaving. That I would Gerard without a proper goodbye.

That didn't happen.

I had waken up, washed my face and brushed my teeth and crawled back into my bed with Gerard. I kissed his forehead, hoping that my parents weren't getting ready to force me on tour with them.

"You'll come back." He says softly, against my ear.

"I don't want to come back," tears broke down from my eyes, rolled down my cheeks, "I shouldn't be leaving."

Gerard kissed my temple, "I'll wait for you." 

"You will?"

I'm kind of surprised. I thought it was because I didn't feel that he would want me after that day.

"I promise."

The last promise before I left. The last kisses were the best. I cherished them while I went away.

"You won't forget me?" Gerard teased me, just to make me smile.

"Never." I answer him truthfully.

And I never did.