Heavy

When I got up, Gerard took hold of my hand and looked me over. I think he still couldn't believe I was real. He kept on muttering it.

"You still have my jacket?" He muttered in surprise.

I nodded, he opened the the front of it and looked for the distinct cigarette burn on the left breast pocket. "Holy fuck, October."

"It's the only thing I had left of you." I told him.

Gerard looked taken by surprise. He smiled, pulling the zipper up and put his arm around my shoulder; "Do you want to meet my brother? He wanted to show me something earlier, but I sort of had to pee." He gave a low chuckle and led me out the door.

"Mikey, right?" I felt the music on the bottom of my soles again.

"Yeah, he's kind of dorky looking."

"I met him," I tweaked my lips, "He was hitting on me until I told him my name."

Gerard stopped by the top of the stairs, "He better not be hitting on you." His arm squeeze around me.

"I know the looks." I murmured, slightly embarrassed.

Gerard looked at me, "I wouldn't be surprised, you look fucking good."

I blushed, burying my head into his shirt, "No I don't."

"Sure, October." He muttered sarcastically. His finger jabbed my ribs, "You're beautiful," His lips touched the top of my head, "Don't forget that."

I hummed a response and followed him down the stairs. The first person I saw was Kevin and Mikey, speaking. Then, I saw Frances sitting in a speaker; she saw me and waved me over.

"Fran," I leaned into Gerard's ear, "I'm gonna go talk to her for a minute."

He frowned slightly, "Don't leave, please?"

I nodded, "I'll be right over there." I pointed to Fran.

"Alright, I'll be right back." He kissed my forehead.

I smiled, almost floating away towards Frances. Her smile was big, and she was bouncing as I walked over. She pulled me onto the speaker with her and her giggling took over my ear; "Oh my God!"

"Calm down." I couldn't wipe the smile from my face.

"Where did you see him?"

"In the bathroom."

France's squealed again; "I'm not letting you leave without him!"

"He doesn't want me to leave either."

"You want to stay the night?"

I shrugged, "What about Kruger?"

"He'll be fine."

I frowned slightly; I love that dog, and I was fearful that he'd be so sad if I didn't come home. I wondered, then, if the poor animal would hate me. I tried to hold out hope about it.

I had a lot of guilt.

A minute so passed before Gerard came back and stood between my legs. I was going to introduce her and Gerard, that is, till Gerard kissed at my lips. My stomach somersaulted and I placed my hands on his shoulders.

Finally, he pulled away; "My brother is gonna be busy, and we'll be alone. Come with me?"

I bit at my lip and looked at Frances, "What about Fran?"

He tugged at his own, "Fuck..."

I nudged her, "Gerard wants--"

She cut me off, "I'm gonna hang out with the little one." 

I furrowed my brows, "What?"

"The bassist." She told me, "Mikey."

I shook my head with a laugh; the both of us were going to Gerard and Mikey's house. I looked back at Gerard and wrapped my arms around his neck.


Gerard and I slipped me out of the party and started down the block. His hand held mine tight, while he held a cigarette in the other. My other hand held onto the sleeve of his hoodie.

We were both quiet as we walked, me following his lead. I could sense that there was something Gerard wanted to say.

"What's up?" I asked quietly.

"Huh?" He looked at me and shrugged, "Nothin'."

I nudged him, "C'mon. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

He chuckled, "I just can't believe that I found you; kinda repetitive." 

"It's hard to believe." I added.

"What have you been doing?" He asked a moment later.

"I've been designing clothes, that's pretty much it."

"Well, shit, you'll be great to have around." He chuckled.

"You like fashion?"

"No, my brother does."

I gave a small laugh, "That's great."

"Maybe we can collaborate or something." He let out a cloud of smoke.

"Maybe."

We fell into another comfortable silence, our hands tightly clasped together, the whole night felt perfect. My chest had even tightened at the excitement of being with Gerard. I had never thought I would be here; right at this very second, it bestows how much faith I have in myself.

We finally made it to his house; it was small, with a tiny lawn. There was a light inside on, and I followed Gerard's steps, towards it. 

His house was warm inside, we finally let go of each others hands. He looked back at me, smiling, "Follow me."

I did so, following him through the darkened living room and into a hall, then the first door. His room was the one with the light on. 

His bedroom was relatively clean, with pictures and comic posters everywhere. There were Wolverine sketches about, an a few storyboard ideas pinned up on a big cork board hung up above his desk. The desk; there were stains of paints and papers scattered; an as cliche as a art student, the trash can had a bunch of crumble pieces of paper in it. His room had a vanilla scent to it; his bed was even made, which made me kinda laugh.

"What?" He asked, giving me a side smile.

"Your bed is made." I mumbled, "I barely make my own bed."

"Mikey makes me do it." He shrugged.

"Your brother has a lot of quirks." I sat on the bed and unzipped his jacket, letting it fall off my shoulders.

Gerard watched me for a moment before his kicked his boots off and tossed his hoodie onto his desk chair. I ran a hand through my hair, my stomach tensed slightly, I didn't know what to do next.

Gerard sat next to me, he let out a small sigh, "Can I...?"

I looked at him and bit my tongue lightly, "What?" I blushed.

"Can I touch you?"

I mentally had a flash back to when I was 16 and had given my virginity to him. That was the best day of my existence. I shivered at the thought, my skin rose with goosebumps and I nodded quicker than I wanted.

Gerard leant forward, attaching his lips to mine, his hand landed on my thigh, rubbing the inside, squeezing it. My whole body warmed up, my lips meshed with his, and I opened my mouth when I felt his tongue brush against my bottom lip. My whole body felt as if it would fall apart at any moment.

His hand smoothed back and forth onward toward my middle. I steady my breathing, becoming more aroused at the very thought of having him again. As our kissing got more intense, I felt his hand brush against the front of my jeans; his hand popped the button open quickly. In rushed his hand, and I pulled away suddenly, taking in a sharp breath and licked my lips.

Gerard had a funny little grin on his face, which disappeared quickly as he pressed his lips to mine. My heart hammered as he climbed on top of me, and his hand sunk further into my jeans. I moaned against his lips when hand found the magic spot. 

Gerard sat up, his lips detached from mine, and he pulled my jeans down, and began to unbutton and zip down his own. My stomach was growing even tighter, I thought I would fall off the bed. Gerard put his hands on my hips and then rolled them up my sides and rubbed his thumbs around my stomach. He then brought them down and pulled my shirt up and over my head. A smile appeared on his face when he saw my chest, I looked down and laughed softly; "I filled out finally."

He let out a small laugh, "You sure did."

I sat up a bit, bringing my hands to my back and unlatching my bra. I sat back on my elbows, nervous as hell. I wanted Gerard to still think I was beautiful, or desirable in the least.

"You're still beautiful." He murmured as if he had read my mind.

"Am I?" I asked timidly.

I was warped back to when I was 16.

"Always." His eyes met mine and I was reassured.

I played with my bottom lip, he began to take his shirt off, "I love you." I voiced quietly.

He looked at me, shirtless, the smile in his eyes was visible, "I love you, too."

I smiled, admiring him. He removed his jeans, and returned to me, pushing me gently on my back. He got between my legs, we only had on underwear left to scurry, and kissed me. Our kissing was soft, gentle and I knew it meant something quite lovely.

I hooked my thumbs onto the elastic of Gerard's briefs and pulled them down. He laughed softly, against my lips and pulled away; together we rid ourselves of any clothing parting our skin. We got beneath his covers, and, after 5 years, Gerard and I together, were in a bed, naked.

Gerard leaned over towards his drawer and opened it quickly. I watched his hand, he fished for a condom and reeled one on the first try. I watched him still as he tore it open, prop sideways on his elbow and slip it on. He fixed the sheet, tossing the condom wrapper on the floor and hovered over me. He licked both of his lips and looked at me; "Are you ready?"

I'm 16 again and I'm nervous as hell.

I nodded quickly, reeling my leg onto his hip. I licked my bottom lip, waiting, anticipating his next move.

"I love you, October." Gerard said in a low whisper.

He kissed the top of my head and watched my eyes. We locked eyes, and I felt him push inside of me. It was just like the first time; my eyes pinch close and I put my hands on Gerard's waist. I breath heavily as he keeps going, slow movements until I start to enjoy it. My eye lids are only shut over, I toss my head back and dig my fingernails into his backside.

"Oh my God," I muttered into the air, "This is unbelievable." 

I put my arms higher up his back, dig my nails into his shoulder blades and pull his closer. I worked my hips with his, both of my legs latch onto his waist, squeezing around him. Gerard dipped his head low, into my chest and sucks any skin available to him. I felt his teeth scrape against my neck and I moaned his name louder.

"Gee."

He let out a low laugh, "You like that?"

I hummed, "Yes." I hissed against his ear.

Gerard ground deeper into me, his teeth and lips touched my chest and my neck. I felt his hand brush against my cheek, my ear, my hair.  I felt almost euphoric when I felt that little bubble of pleasure grow in my bottom half. I arched my back higher, to meet him, sinking himself deeper inside. I needed Gerard, like oxygen.

"Oh shit," He murmured against my ear.

I felt it too, my heart hammering, "It's coming." I sputtered brokenly.

My sweaty skin hit its high, taking Gerard with me. I felt something then, but it didn't hit me then, when I came. I was out of breath, riding my orgasm out with Gerard, he was shaking and breathing heavily.

"Shit." He said as he slowed.

I didn't respond, I laid my head against the pillows and put my tired arms around Gerard's shoulders. He sighed heavily, rolling over, taking me with him, and pulled out, letting me rest against his chest. He kissed my forehead, he swallowed thickly, and brushed his fingers in my messy hair.

"I think I messed up." He said a minute later.

I looked up at him, feeling so tired, "Why?"

He sighed and sat up, I rolled over on my side as he pulled the condom off; "The condom split."