Heavy

"Oh."

That's all I can say. I don't even fathom the thought of this because I was tired. I had amazing sex with the love of my life and I can't comprehend that his sperm may be fertilizing my eggs.

"You aren't freaked out?" He asked me softly.

"Remember the first time we had sex? You didn't use a condom at all."

Gerard nodded, "Oh, yeah."

He pulled me into his arms, I felt our warm, exposed skin stick together. I sighed happily, lying my head against his chest. I finally felt safe and warm, and happy and at peace.

As I drifted off to sleep, I couldn't only tighten my arms around Gerard. Too many nights I had gone to bed dreaming of nights like this. It was a dream come true, and like so many of those dreams, I didn't want to wake up to an empty bed and my arms around my mangled sheets and pillows.

I woke up with a smile on my face, lying with my arms around his waist and his fingers in my hair. This was the first time I had waken up with worry about how I looked. I fluttered my eyes open and bit at the inside of my bottom lip.

"Gee?" I recognized the room and hoped I wasn't seeing things.

"Yeah?" His voice was low and close to the top of my head.

"I was just checking to see if I was dreaming." I told him.

Gerard gave a little sigh, his chest moved a bit. I shut my eyes again, breathing in deep, and feeling his skin around mine. I still thought I was dreaming.

"Do you want me to get up?" I asked him softly.

"No, not yet." 

His fingers moved up and down my arm, lazily marring my skin. I loved being so close to him, I loved that he liked having me around him. It was just like before.

But, unlike before, there hadn't been anything separating us. I hated to think about it, but it came up when his phone rang. 

We both had stopped movingly only momentarily, and listened to the phone. Gerard sighed, kissed the top of my head, "I gotta call her."

I frowned to myself, but didn't disagree. I unwrapped my arms from him and scooted away. Gerar looked at me, I wrapped myself up with his sheet and propped up against the headboard. He smiled, grabbing his boxers, "I'll be right back."

I nodded, smiling, only a tiny bit and watches him go. I leaned over and looked at the clock; it was 6 am. I sighed heavily and coursed my hair; I was going to get my clothes up, but Gerard returned quicker than I anticipated.

"What're you doing?" He asked softly.

"Getting my clothes." I told him.

"Not yet, just get back into bed with me." He came over and pulled my shirt from my hand and tossed it back on the floor.

Back into bed we went, he laid behind me, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist and his head rested behind mine. I sincerely wanted to sob; I was so happy.


There was a knock on his door a little over an hour later. Gerard and I had been lying, just quietly, feeling each others skin. Gerard groaned, "What?" He called out.

"Fran's looking for October." I heard Mikey say.

"Hold on." Gerard retorted; he looked at me, "I don't want you to go."

"Me either." I sighed to myself, "Fran and I gotta work, and I have some things to put together." 

I had hated telling Gerard this; I thought I had made it seem like I didn't want to be with him. I did, I really did. If I could quit my job and live off my parents again, I totally would have.

"Can I call you later?" Gerard asked.

"Yeah, of course you can." I kissed his cheek.

There was a knock again, "Kevin's looking for you, too!" Mikey called out.

"We're coming!" Gerard snapped.

"Yeah, we heard you last night!" Mikey countered back.

I blushed, hiding my face on Gerard's shoulder. He let out a small laugh, "He's joking."

I shook my head and removed myself from Gerard. I felt his eyes on me as I picked up and put on my clothes. I turned back to him as I began to put my shoes on; I could see there was something he wanted to say.

"What's up?" I asked him once my shoes were on.

"You ain't worried?" He asked.

"Worried?" I thought for a moment, "Oh, no. No, I'm okay."

"What if something happens? You'll talk to me, right?"

"Yeah, I will." I smiled at him.

"Thanks."

I leaned over the bed and kissed him. Gerard lingered for a moment, then pulled away, "Gimme your number so I can call you later."

I nodded; I went to his desk and grabbed a piece of scrap paper and wrote my number down. I heard him come over and wrap his arms around me; my heart hammered manically, "I love you." We both said in unison.

He chuckled, "I love you more."

Gerard always seems to find a way to make me chew at my lip. I leaned back and kissed his cheek, "Call me."

He laughed, "I'll try and wait a minute before you leave."

My stomach was flip flopping all over the place. Gerard's hand lingered as I started toward the door. I hated to leave.

As soon as I left his room, I met with Frances and Mikey. The both gave me a funny look; suggestive looks. I rolled my eyes at them, "Grow up."

"Says the girl with smudged eye make up." Mikey retorted.

I giggled and shook my head, "Hush up, boy!"

"Are you ready?" Frances winked over at me.

"Yes. I got lots of things to do."

"Mikey's giving us a ride."

I rested my head in the back seat as Mikey drove and Frances sat up front. The two talked and talked; I kept hearing different type of accents as I stared out the window. I tugged at my lip every time my name or Gerard's was mentioned.

Mikey went on about how Gerard used to talk about me when they first moved back to Jersey. I smiled and didn't but in; "It annoyed me. But," He had looked back at me, "I like you more than that Wendy chick."

This had made me grin. I was happy to have someone say this. I was fearful that maybe his friends and family wouldn't go for Gerard wanting to be with me instead of that Wendy girl.

And, I was kind of curious as to how was as a person. There had to be something he liked if he as her to marry him. Though, I didn't want to meet her.