Heavy

I had overlooked myself in the mirror as I got ready for Gerard's show. I was expecting to meet his friends and his mom, which made me ultra nervous. Frances was coming with me and was primping me to look perfect. I hadn't cared of what I looked like, because Gerard had liked me in anything, but I felt as if I had to impress. So, I tried to make myself as pretty or decent as I could.

I hated to fuss about my looks; over the years, my mind had changed and I lost a lot of my snarky attitude and sarcasm. I had grown into myself, grown into a woman than a teenager with anger. As I had lain with Gerard, I had went over a lot of my teenage years without him, and the brief moment we were together then torn apart.

I couldn't have imagined how my life would have come if I had stayed in school and hadn't cut myself. If I hadn't cared about what the kids said. I wouldn't be with Gerard and I wouldn't have a wonderful career that I was happy to flourish.

So, here I am, looking at myself in the mirror trying to look perfect. Something I hadn't done majorly before. I had a reason too; not to impress asshole jerks, but my boyfriend's friends and family.

"You look spectacular." Frances smiled at me in the reflection of the mirror.

"Do I?"

I looked at myself; a lot had changed, as you know, from when I was a little, chubby loser. I had longer, messy dark blond hair and my eyes were still the murky grey; the mixture of blue and green. My clothes... They weren't designer, it was from stuff I had over the years; 4 year old jeans, and a 2 year old Morrissey t-shirt.

"Yeah! You look fine." Frances patted my back.

"Thanks." I smiled back at her and went to put on my shoes.


My stomach was in knots once we had gotten to the rowdy club that the guys were performing at. The place was jammed packed, and everyone looked intimidating and excited, all wrapped in one. I followed behind Frances, holding on to her hand as we walked to the back.

My stomach tightened when I saw Gerard leaning against the wall with someone, smoking a cigarette. I smiled, letting Frances' hand go; we walked over to them, and I noticed the person standing with Gerard was his little bandmate; the guy with the blonde and orange mixture of hair. As soon as that guy saw me, he nudged Gerard's side.

Gerard looked up, showing his childlike smile. My heart sped up crazily, just at the little grin. I met up with him, he opened his arms, tossed his cigarette and wrapped his arms around me. 

"Hey, beautiful." Gerard's lips turned up against my cheek.

"Hey," I kissed the corner of his mouth.

I moved to his side, his arm wrapped around my shoulder, "Frank, this is October," The guy -Frank- nodded, "October, that's Frank, he's my biggest fan."

Frank rolled his eyes, "Yeah." He grumbled, "Nice to meet you. I didn't think you were real.

Frances nudged my arm, "Hey, I thought the same thing about Gerard in the beginning."

Gerard and I shook our heads; we all talked for a minute or so before we went inside; a band was playing and the music had been loud. I trailed behind Gerard, we went towards the bar, the music seemed to die down a bit, and Gerard's arm slipped around my waist. "What do you want to drink?" He asked in my ear.

"Um... Whatever is fine." I told him.

He ordered for us, I hadn't listened, I was looking around. There were a few guys staring at me, giving me questionable glances. I hadn't known what it meant, and it had made me uncomfortable. I turned back to Gerard, moving closer to him; I felt his thumb slip through the loop of my jeans.

"Here's your drink." Gerard slid a glass to me.

I downed the small cup, letting the liquor burn my throat. Gerard had furrowed his brows a bit; "What's wrong?"

"I don't like the way people are looking at me." I told him in his ear.

Gerard looked over my head; I knew he had seen the glances, because he turned me towards the back of the club. I held my half empty cup, following behind him; Gerard and I went in the back, where the storage room was. I had lost sight of everyone, and I didn't care; I was away from the glances and the music.

The storage room was quiet, but the music bumped against the wall. Gerard pushed me, gently against the wall, taking my cup, and his, and placed them on a box. I could smell his gum and whiskey; I grinned, placing my lips against his.

"People 'round here ain't never seen me with a pretty girl before." He murmured when I pulled away. I wrapped my arms around his neck, "They're gonna have to get use to it."

My stomach swarmed with butterflies, "Oh really?"

"Yeah. I plan to take you here as frequently as I can." His lips brushed against mine, "I want to keep you to myself."

Gerard kissed me again, I got lost in it. I felt right, where I should be. I felt so happy, so at ease. That's when I thought about all the shit I've gone through. I had thought about when I was a kid...

My thoughts were broken when the door opened. Gerard and I parted, my mind was all over the place. A guy with frizzy hair raised his brow at us; "Uh, Gerard, man, we're on in a few minutes."

Gerard licked his lips, "Yeah, I'll be there in a sec." He told.

"Sure. Hey, is that... the girl? October?" The guy smiled slightly.

I blushed, Gerard looked at me and smiled, too; "Yep. October," he turned to me, "This is Ray. Dude, this is October."

"Nice meeting you." I waved to him.

"Same here," He nodded his head, "Don't keep our front man too long."

I smiled, watching Ray leave. I turned back to Gerard; "You're wanted."

He gave a slight chuckle, "I'd rather be with you."

"Well, you can be with me anytime, but right now, you have people to appease for a little while."

He smiled, kissing my lips, "You're great, Sugar."

I combed my fingers through his messy hair, "Good luck." I pressed my lips to his temple.

He sighed contently, "Thanks."

Gerard led the way back into the club, and we were met with his band and a few other people I hadn't known. Gerard kissed me again, then followed the band onto the small stage. Frances and I went to the side of it to watch; "I really like his brother." She told me in my ear.

I smiled at her, "He's sweet."

"Yeah, and he's so shy. I can change that."

"Don't scare him," I joked.

"I won't." She winked at me.

All I did was shake my head and watched the guys begin their set. 

Their music is loud and infectious; it made me wanna dance. I kept my eyes on Gerard, who is very animated on the stage. His bandmates were wild, but Frank is the wildest.

But, my favorite will always be Gerard.

Their set finished and as soon as Gerard was off the stage, I wrapped my arms around him. I didn't care how damn sweaty he was, I took him happily. Gerard had laughed; "I'm soaked."

"I don't care." I told him.

"Thanks for the love." He kissed me, "You wanna come to a party?"

I shrugged, "Sure."

Gerard wrapped his arm around my shoulder, "You'll have fun."