Heavy

"I think she's gonna cry." Ms. Vanity whispered.

I looked up, "I think I'm gonna barf."

Everyone gave me a quizzical look. I stood, Carol stood too, she took me out to the hall and into the rest room. I locked the door behind me, headed to the toilet and spewed.

The sickness of care took me over. I don't know why I felt the way I did. I don't know why I got sick, I think all my nervousness caught up with me all at once and made me sick.

I returned to the room, placing a piece of spearmint gum in my mouth. Everyone looked at me, I sat down; "Why did you puke?" Dex asked with one brow raised.

"Nerves." I mumbled, lying obviously.

"When Gerard first came here he drank all the damn coffee." Mya (Ms. Attitude) spat, "We're use to Nervous Ninnies. Most of them don't last."

"Why is that?" I asked with a brow raised.

"They don't like group." Carol explains.

"We aren't very nice, they say." Mya laughed.

"You aren't going to bail, are you?" Gerard -oh God, how beautiful he looked- smirked with this glimmer of hope in his eyes.

"N-no?" I tweaked my own lips, asking for their permission not to leave.

"Good. You look tough." Ms. Vanity, she sizes me again, looking me up and down, "You look like a hippie, but you don't smell like one. Is that your natural hair color?"

I rub my neck, trying to figure her out; "Yes. I...I'm not a hippie...my parents are. They care about the environment, drive these new hybrid cars and we have a compost heap in our back yard and we grow our own vegetables." I ramble because she's staring at me, nodding after every word.

"Quit staring at her, she ain't a circus freak." Gerard came to my rescue.

I smiled at him, that little inkling that he was something so much more grew by an inch.

"How much do you cut?" Dex asks me, causing Vanity to look at him.

I shrugged, "A lot. When I feel like it...well, not anymore."

"Do your parents watch everything you do?" Dex watched me, trying to figure me out, too.

"They aren't home all the time."

"You have a nanny! That German chick." Mya says.

I blushed, I look down, wanting to vomit again.

"So what if she has a nanny? At least someone cares, right?" Gerard still surprised me.

Why had he stood up for me? I still wonder that now. I should ask him.

"It's weird. I heard her parents are like cult leaders." Mya talks about me like I'm not even in the room.

I was too gutless to stand up for myself.

"Mya!" Carol hisses at her, "Do not judge."

I licked my lips and peeked up, Mya sighs, "Sorry. But, what's the truth? Everyone talks about you at school. They say a bunch of weird shit."

"My dad's in a band...my mom is his manager." I said this while looking down, then up at them, then back down.

"What band?" Gerard asked in a soft, easy tone of voice.

"Uh...Chainsaw." I stammer quickly.

Gerard gave a soft, nice laugh, "That funny folk band. My dad likes them."

I smiled, a real one. He's the only one who can make me smile at nothing.

"You're makin' her blush!" Vanity gushes.

At this point, I don't even remember her real name.

"I blush at everything." I lie to hide my crush, the crush I was unaware I had.

"Sure does." Mya snorted.

"Are you, like, rich?" Vanity tossed her hair back.

I shrug, "I don't know."

"Yes you are. Every musician is rich." Vanity, I can only think of her as a bitch now.

"Shut up, Angelique," Gerard starts, "Have you ever heard of MC Hammer? Not every musician is rich."

I shy away, wanting to run away. Aside from Gerard making me want to stay, I wanted to leave.

"Time is up," Carol said a few minutes later, "Same time next week." She looked over at me, "Did you like this, October?"

They got up, leaving, but Gerard walked past me, he walked slowly, lingering. I looked at Carol, "It was okay."

"Don't worry about Angelique," Carol winked at me, "she picks on others as a defense mechanism."

"I've been through it. She isn't as bad as the other girls." I mumbled this, Carol put a hand on my shoulder, "Thank you."

She nods, "You're welcome."

I left after we said goodbye, and went out into the hall. I had no initial thought about that whole meeting, other than, I couldn't wait to go again. No matter how uncomfortable I felt, I needed that.

It was a new addiction.

I felt a bit proud of myself.

As I walked down the hall, I saw Gerard leaning against a wall. My heart beat sped up erratically and spit swelled up in my mouth. I couldn't look at him, oddly; I felt this tingling sensation throughout my body. Like I had taken a handful of Vicodin. But, surprisingly, I didn't get high.

"Hey." He said as I passed by.

"Hi." I mumbled back.

I saw Elsa waiting for me, and a little part of me couldn't wait to get into the car. Another part of me wanted to turn around and talk to Gerard without anyone around. But, the latter won, and I walked to Elsa with my head up.

"Good?" She asks.

I nodded, "It was good."

Elsa let out a squeal and engulfed me into a tight, breath, and lung crushing hug. I let out a sound, "Ooft" and hugged her back. Then, she let me go, "I'm proud of you."

I smiled weakly, "Thanks," I rubbed my chest, "can we go now? I'm starving."

Elsa nods, opening the door for me, then jogs to the other side. I got in, closing the door and looked out the window. My eyes caught eyes staring at me; Gerard. I licked my lips, how an angelic face was looking at me, a twitch of the lips, a small smile. He made my cheeks flush.

God, how stupid I was to think the floppy feeling in my stomach was hunger pains.