Comic Boys

My chin lay against the wooden edge of my desk, my eyes following the bubbles that bumped around the frame of my computer screen. I could feel the bags under my eyes darkening with every passing second, my mouth hanging open as my tongue rolled around the hard-boiled candy, the little sweet clicking against my teeth. My screen blanked out and my reflection was left in the glass. I looked so run down I could have passed for an eighty year old who had been run over my a lawnmower. My hair hadn't been brushed or de-knotted for at least a week and a half since I got back from London, and my eyes were so out of it that mum was actually scared for a moment that I had started hanging out with the week-smokers. My skin as pale, paler than usual and I just looked like a blank page.

Something was missing. It had been just over a week since Jekyll and I had touched back down into our meek city, Easton returning a few days prior with Jaimie clipped to his belt. We hadn't talked too much since then, though I had tried to make the effort to. He didn't answer my calls, and I doubt he had listened to the numerous voice-mail messages I had spammed his phone with. I wasn't surprised in the least, but that didn't make me feel any better. I had braced myself for this. I knew that one day I would have hurt one of them, but now that it has happened I realised that maybe dying along wasn't as painful as this. The guilt just ate away at me, the happiness from finally being in a loving relationship with someone as kind and as handsome as Jekyll being dulled by the stormy cloud of guilt that plagued my head.

I wanted to talk to Easton, to laugh with him, to just be near him. He avoided me like I was the plague though, like I was fucking kryptonite and he was Superman. I laughed dryly at the thought, recalling that moment in the science labs where he had made my heart skip a beat, his mouth etched into that god damn perfect smile that was so happy. That image was almost like a dream. I didn't know if that smile meant for me was reality or just a figment of my tattered imagination.

There were two knocks on my door, before mum's perfume settled on my nose, mixed with the aroma of cookies with Batman icing and yellow sprinkles. The sound of a porcelain plate grating across my desk caused me to turn my head, yawning loudly as mum sighed, ruffling my hair.

"You look ill, London," mum frowned, her hand resting against my forehead as she clicked her tongue. "A fever, no doubt. You should rest, and it's Friday night after all. You want to be at full health when you go back to school."

"I don't want to go back to school, Ma," I whined, imagining Easton's angry and hurt face as I stepped within a ten metre radius of his body. He would turn away after glaring at me, and being shunned by Easton probably hurt more than anything. Losing a friend was one thing, but losing someone that meant the most to you just killed a person.

"Is it those bullies again? I better go talk to your princi-"

"N-No! It's not that, promise," I mumbled, stuffing my mouth with a moist cookie, licking the icing as I absent mindedly stared past mum's shoulder.

"Then what is it? Did something happen on your trip, besides canoodling with Jeremy? You've been like a zombie ever since you came back! You know how much your father and I worry about you, London... You can always talk to us, you know." Mum kissed my cheek, hugging me tightly before walking out, making sure to tell me that I should go to bed before my 'cold' got worse. I wasn't sick, just overly tired, stressed, and guilty.

I got up to change into a pair of pyjamas, pulling on my bottoms before my computer booted up, a blinking 'message' signal sending my computer into a beeping frenzy. I hastily opened it, the slight hope that it was from Easton making my heart pick up its pace, but was let down when I saw it was only Kit. Kit and I had bonded over the time, and she was basically the only person who tried consoling me when I was gloomy because of hurting Easton. She had been angry at me for a short while, which was a good thing for me. I was feeling sorry for myself at one stage, and now that I reflected back upon it I was pissed off at old London. Kit had a completely unbiased opinion, and her words, though they soothed me at the time, just provoked more questions and uncertainties about my decision.

"If you're so torn up because of this, then maybe you made the wrong choice," she had said, a knowing gleam in her eyes. I had pushed her to elaborate on it, but she had zipped her lips shut and thrown away the key.

I whimpered in self hatred as I simpered to my bed, curling up in a ball as I turned on my phone, a message from Jekyll popping up. I managed a weak smile at the warming message, which read a simple: "Good night, young grasshopper. May your dreams be ever in your favour. Love you, Jekyll."

I laughed, replying hastily before slipping the device under my pillow, closing my eyes with great force. I hadn't had sweet dreams for a while and I knew why. Not even sleep could give me some form of relaxation, and that was very, very worrying.

Maybe I had made a mistake. That scared me, because I knew Easton could never forgive me, but if he did then I would hurt the other person that I loved.

This could only end two ways, and those ways were either badly or shittily. They amount to the same thing though, so basically I'm screwed. I've already hurt my best friend, the one who never failed to make me laugh, I'm basically lying to my boyfriend who loves me like I'm the last boy on earth, and I'm killing myself slowly by trying to hold my slowly crumbling world back together. Dying alone is starting to look really appealing. At least that way the only person who would hurt is me, and if that meant Jekyll and Easton were happy, so be it.