Don't You Cry Tonight

My heart burst the moment that Andy’s soft lips pressed against mine. Our lips being pressed against the other’s sent my head spinning, and for a second I didn’t want to believe this was really happening.

When Andy pulled away I was shocked by his words, “I love you Ash. I do, so much.”

I could feel the tears building up. This isn’t really happening. But sadly it is. That’s the only reason why he wants me.

“Andy.” For a moment Andy’s eyes dimmed.

Swallowing what was left of my pride I pulled Andy closer to me. Our lips touched again and Andy melted under my touch. As I started to make a trail of itty bitty kisses down his neck he mumbled someone else name. Then the tears started. Andy and I fell on his bed and he hid in my chest. Running my fingers through his now short hair I did my best to comfort him.

“I know Andy…I know.” sniffling Andy looked up at me his big blue eyes full of tears.

“I-I miss him.” nodding I didn’t meet his eyes.

“I know you do Baby.” once more Andy hid his face in my chest and sobbed.

Ashley died two months ago. Andy believes that Ashley’s death was all his fault. It was a car crash, Andy was in the passengers seat and Ashley had been driving under the influence of alcohol. When the car wrapped around the tree Ashley’s head went right through the windshield. Killing him almost instantly. Andy hit his head and fell into a coma for two weeks, coming out mostly with bumps and scratches all over his arms. He woke up remembering nothing of the accident. The last thing he could remember was telling Ashley he was too drunk to drive. When we had to tell him the news he was beyond devastated. Andy didn’t want to believe that the love of his life was gone. But none of us wanted to believe it either.

Since then Andy has clung to me. I’ve be come his surrogate Ashley. It isn’t a healthy relationship what so ever. And I’m well aware of that but I’m happy to get any attention from Andy seeing as I was infatuated with Andy way before he had ever met Ashley.

Keeping Andy close to me I caressed his back, secretly praying that he would fall asleep. He hasn’t been sleeping well. The doctors said he could suffer from post traumatic stress disorder, and I knew right away that when the night terrors started that the PTSD had set in.

“C-CC?” Andy was looking up at me again.

“Yes Baby?” trying to life his spirits I gave him a small smile.

“C-can you do it again? Please?” my stomach sank. He wants me to do the one thing I hate to do.

“Andy, no.” I watched as his eyes watered.

“P-please? I need it. I won’t ask for it again for a while, I promise.” swearing under my breath I sat up forcing Andy to lay alone.

“Fine. But you don’t get it for a while.” Andy smiled. He sat up beside me and kissed my cheek making my body go numb.

“Thank you so much C.” giving a half hearted nod, I stood up and went to the bathroom to get myself ready.

I let out a long breath. I hate myself for allowing myself to sink this low. Going for the small cupboard under the sink I pulled out an all black bag. Placing the bag on the counter I felt the back of my throat go raw as I pulled out the garments. Black jeans that were a size too big for me, a Faster Pussycat shit that had the arms removed, a fitted leather jacket, and makeup. Ashley’s old clothes. Putting the clothes on I looked at myself in the bathroom’s mirror.

I hate myself. So much.

Grabbing the makeup I messily applied something that was similar to what had once been Ashley’s war-paint. Rubbing my lips together I tossed the soft pink lip gloss back in the bag before I shoved it back in it’s rightful hiding place. Taking a deep breath I mentally prepared myself to go back to Andy.

When I returned to our room I found Andy sitting on the bed, his sexiest clothing he own on his thin frame. I tried to smile as I came closer to him, but I just couldn’t. Andy gave me a sexy pout and pulled me against him. I could feel he was already hard.

“Ashley, I’ve missed you so much.” our lips touched softly and feathered off quickly. Andy trailed kisses down my neck as he lead me towards our bed.

“I know you have.” the tears that were almost constantly in Andy’s eyes fell gently dropping onto my collar bone.

Andy pinned me down below him his hands removed Ashley’s shirt from my body. His lips continued to move from my neck down to my chest. Involuntarily I gasped. My body was becoming aroused but in my mind I wasn’t even turned on in the slightest.

“Ashley, you’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky to have you.” not knowing what to say back to Andy I just took control of the situation and forced him below me. A growl came from the sick man below me.

I removed Andy’s clothes and he did the same to me. I let him thrust into me as hard and deep as he could while I jacked him off in time to his thrusts. When Andy finally climaxed he removed himself from his position on top of me. Andy pressed a kiss to my lips. Managing to kiss back I pulled him into my arms. The after sex spooning is always the same, Andy will lay in my arms telling Ashley how much he loves him. While I just lay there and take it.

All I do is go through the motions. I feel like nothing more than an overused sex-toy. But to Andy’s that’s basically all I am. I’m his surrogate. I’m his unhealthy addiction. And that’s why I hate myself. Because I allow myself to be the unhealthy sex-toy.