Ruin Everything

I splashed water on my face in the bathroom while Alex went downstairs. I flattened my hair and tried to look presentable. I still looked like I’d just rolled out of bed, but at least I didn’t look so much like I’d just had sex. I pulled my hair up and away from my face. I straightened my skirt and shirt, smoothing them down and finally gave up. I looked as unrumpled as I could at this point. There wasn’t any way I was going to fix it, without taking a shower and changing my clothes.

I followed Alex downstairs and into the dining room where his father and mother sat. He was just sitting down and looked up. He bit his lip and turned his gaze back down to his plate.

“Well, hello Cassara!” Peter stated upon seeing me.

“Hello Mr. Gaskarth. How was work?”

“Oh, you know. Accounts. Angry customers. Boring water cooler talk. Same old, same old.”

I laughed. I liked Alex’s parents. They were nice people, on top of being English. They let me stay over at their house, despite Joyce informing them I was grounded. They gave me a home away from home, and I was grateful for that.

I glanced up from my plate halfway through dinner, having skewered a piece of broccoli onto my fork, when my gaze met Alex’s. Those beautiful brown eyes rested on me intently, until Peter cleared his throat and I let my gaze flit back to my dinner. All I could focus on, though, was the feeling of Alex’s hands on my bare shoulders, holding me against him as I pushed him hard against the wall. I could still feel his lips molded with mine, like they were made for one another.

“Cassara? Are you alright tonight?” Peter’s voice broke through my thoughts, bringing me straight back to the table, where all three Gaskarths were staring at me.

“Yeah. I’m fine. Guess I’m a little out of it today.”

“Are you feeling sick?” Momma Gaskarth asked, leaning over to touch her wrist to my forehead. I felt fine. It wasn’t anything to do with my level of illness. It was their son, sitting across from me with bruised lips and rumpled clothing. It was the look in his eyes, the one that let you know just how big his ego really is. It was how he sat back in his chair, smiling just a hair to let me know he knew.

“No. I’m just, I don’t know, tired. Will you excuse me? I think I’m gonna head to bed early.”

“That’s fine, love. Does Joyce know you’re here?” Momma Gaskarth asked, standing with me. She took my plate as I went to grab it.

“Yeah, she’s expecting a call from me in the morning.”

“That’s good. Well, sleep well, Cassara.”

She kissed me on the forehead and let me head back upstairs. I went alone this time, leaving Alex with his parents. I lay out on his bed, snuggling into his blankets, breathing in his scent. Since I’d met him, he always smelled the same. He didn’t use a different soap or shampoo. It was constant, manly without being overly masculine, sweaty without being overpowering. It was just, Alex. That was the way he smelled, and I didn’t want that to change.

I didn’t want anything about him to change. I didn’t want anything between us to change. I liked being around him and yeah, kissing him was the best thing I’d ever done but, if things went any further, I’m not sure I could handle it.

A while later, when I was more than half asleep, the door opened and then closed again, Alex padding through to join me. He lay on the bed, half on me and half on the mattress, his head buried into my chest.

“I’m almost positive Mom figured it out,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. Your mom is good at not telling,” I replied, toying with Alex’s soft hair. “Whatever she figured out will stay with her.”

“Pebbles?” he said quietly. He spoke as if he didn’t really want me to hear him. Maybe he didn’t. Maybe he was afraid of what might come out of his mouth. I’d had plenty of moments like that, and because of him, I’d have plenty more.

“Yeah?”

“Does this change things?”

“What?”

“You and me, kissing. Does it change things between us?” he mumbled, playing with my shirt.

“Yes, Alex, it does.”

He cursed.

“I just, I wanted to know what it was like.”

“What was? Kissing me?”

“No, well, yeah, that too. But I meant more along the lines of being something more with you. I wanted to know what it was like to have you in my arms like that for a while. It was nice,” he said, not lifting his head. A trance fell over us, silent save for his fan running in the window. It should’ve been awkward, but I couldn’t bring myself to feel embarrassed. It was just Alex after all.

I hummed in response a few moments later, leaning my head back as we fell deeper into our quiet state.

Finally, Alex broke the silence.

“Can I kiss you again?”

I chuckled and tucked two fingers underneath his jaw to tip his chin up towards me.

“Trust me, Alex. You don’t have to ask.”

He raised himself up onto his hands and looked down at me. He bit his lip, his eyes roaming my face, searching, hesitating. Behind that hesitation, I could see how eager he was to have an encore performance from earlier. I could feel it too, coursing through my veins. It wasn’t just need though. It was excitement. It was the thrill of getting caught, of having to explain. It was the mystery of what everyone would say if they found out. It was everything at once and yet, nothing else mattered. His lips came down on mine, soft and supple as he pressed closer. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’d dreamed of this, how many fantasies I’d had in the midst of a conversation. Ever since he’d comforted me when we first met during a particularly bad dream, I couldn’t stop thinking that, yes; maybe he was my hero, my Prince Charming. No one could’ve convinced me I was wrong. But there was a nagging in my gut, a phantom pain that told me that soon, I’d have to convince myself I was wrong.