Deceit Brings Fire

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I said softly with a laugh. "For the hundredth time. Go have fun." I removed the towel from my head with one hand and shook out my hair, the wet strands falling in messy waves around my face.

"But not too much fun," I added, then grimaced and made a sound. I shook my head, clearing it. "I totally didn't mean it like that."

Megan chuckled. "I know you didn't. I mean, it's only our first date Bec. Which, speaking of, I kind of need to go finish getting ready. He should be here soon."

I smiled. "He was just freaking out that he was going to be late and you're not even ready yet?"

"Basically ready. I just need a moment. You know, I'm a little nervous..."

"Relax," I said. I adjusted the phone between my neck and shoulder and grabbed my purse, searching for the small tube of concealer I always brought with me. Although I was feeling much better, I was tired despite all the sleep I'd gotten and I felt like I looked like shit. "Trust me. I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but Brian was a nervous wreck over here. Seriously, you should've seen him. I've never, ever seen him like that before."

I checked myself in the mirror and sighed, before applying some makeup around my tired eyes. It was silly to be putting on makeup just because Matt was here. I knew that. But yet I couldn't help myself.

"Megan? You there?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here."

"Seriously though. Stop stressing. It'll be fine, I promise." I laughed. "I mean, it's just Brian. Come on now."

She laughed, too. "I know," she said with a sigh, "so then why are things so weird now?"

"Because you have feelings for him," I answered simply. My stomach knotted at the thought of Matt downstairs. "And that's what happens."

I turned around suddenly, staring at my dirty clothes I'd tossed on the floor.

"Shit." I mumbled.

"What?" said Megan.

"I just realized that I don't have any clothes. I wasn't supposed to be staying here last night."

"Oh," she said. I picked up the clothes, folding them over the chair by the wall. "Well, just ask Matt if he has anything you can borrow."

I exhaled loudly. I knew she was going to say that.

"That's right," she said slowly, "You and Matt are all alone today, huh?"

"Shut up," I said, breathing out a laugh, but I couldn't help the way my cheeks flushed. "It's not a big deal."

I grabbed my hair brush and began combing through the waves.

"Okay," she said, "It's not a big deal. But, you know..."

She hesitated and I stopped moving for a moment, wondering what she was going to say.

"What?" I said, growing impatient.

"Nothing. Just... you and Matt aren't alone that often and I was just thinking that if you told him how you felt, even though it'll be hard you'll -"

"No," I interrupted, "I can't."

"Why though? I told Brian and - "

"Yeah. And you were drunk." I said shortly. It had come out a lot harsher sounding then I'd planned. I sighed deeply, trying to calm myself, as unexpected anger coursed through me.

"So what are you saying?" she murmured. "That I didn't mean it? Liquid courage and all that?"

"No. I just know that every time I asked you if you liked him, you said no. And then all of a sudden, you do. I mean, that doesn't seem right to me, but who knows, right? Forget it. I don't wanna fight about this, let's just - "

"No, tell me. This is why I kept asking and asking if you were okay with this, because I knew it had to bother you. I geninuely cared about how it made you feel." Her voice was louder and more forceful than before and despite my anger, I felt my eyes fill with tears at her words. "And you just kept saying it was fine. But clearly it's not, is it? I'm sorry that I didn't tell you before, okay? I hate hiding shit from you. I know that was wrong and I feel terrible because of it. I don't know what more I can say."

My face was flushed and hot as I battled with different emotions. My throat ached and I swallowed heavily, trying to clear the lump that made it near impossible to speak.

"I don't want you to feel awkward or uncomfortable or angry or... seriously, if it bothers you at all just - "

"I will be okay with it." I interrupted, cursing under my breath as my voice broke. I took deep breaths, trying to steady myself before speaking again. "I want you to be happy, okay? You and Brian."

"But Becca, you deserve to be happy too. I know how much Matt means to you. He cares about you so much and - "

I choked out a broken laugh. "Yeah," I said sarcastically, "he cares about me like Brian does. I might as well be his fucking sister too."

"No," she said. "You don't see it, Becca, but I do. I see the way he looks at you. Literally all you have to do is walk in the room and his face just like.. glows. I swear, the man fucking loves you."

"He doesn't." I argued. Instead of coming out strong like I'd wanted, it sounded weak and broken. My lip started trembling and I bit down on it, willing myself not to break down.

"I know you're hurting, Becca. You don't say anything but I know that this hurts, because you think that he doesn't feel the way you do. You just need to tell him, show him how you feel and I'm telling you - "

"Please," I managed. A small sob escaped as tears began moving freely down my cheeks, completely ruining all the work I'd done to try and make myself presentable. I took a few shaky breaths before continuing. "I can't talk about this right now." My voice broke again and I groaned quietly, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry Becca," she whispered.

I knew now that she understood why I was upset.

It was as if I almost resented her for liking someone who liked her back. I was actually jealous of my best friend's happiness. What a great friend.

I sniffed, trying to calm myself before responding.

"Are you okay, hun? I can come over. Brian can wait."

"No," I said quickly. "I'll be fine." I paused to take a deep breath and used my thumb to wipe the black under my eyes. "I was just having a moment, but I'm good. Just go have fun tonight, okay? Brian's really looking forward to this and obviously you are too. Don't worry about me, I - "

"But I do worry about you."

"Well don't." I said sternly. "Especially not tonight. I mean it. I want you both to have a good time."

"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow," she said softly.

"Yeah, of course," I said, gripping the towel tighter around my chest. I took one last glance in the mirror before I walked over to the door, pulling it open a crack and glancing down the hallway.

"Hey Matt?" I called. I listened and heard some noises downstairs through the silence.

"You should go," I said to Megan. "I promise you I'm fine. Have a wonderful time. I love you."

"I love you too, girl. Talk to you soon."

She hang up just as Matt appeared at the end of stairs. He must have saw my face peeking through, because he laughed, and trudged up the stairs two at a time.

He smirked when he saw me in my towel. "Yes?"

I blushed slightly despite myself and he grinned, showing off his dimples.

"I kinda need some clothes..."

"Oh," he said with a small laugh. "That would be good, huh? Hold on a second."

He took off down the hall and I took a deep breath, trying to settle my anxious heartbeat.

He was back a minute later with a pair of gray sweatpants and a Metallica shirt.

"The pants will probably be big on you. But the shirt's from years ago, so it should be good."

I smiled, taking the clothes with one hand while keeping the other pressed protectively against my chest, holding the towel there. "Thanks."

"I'm guessing you're not feeling up to much today, so I thought we could just chill on the couch and watch some movies. Maybe order some Chinese or something for dinner. If that's cool with you."

"Yeah, for sure." I said, with a smile. "I'll just be a minute."

His dimples came through again and he nodded before running back down the stairs.

I closed the door with a loud sigh and leaned my head against it, closing my eyes as my heart continued to pang loudly in my chest. This was going to be interesting.