Deceit Brings Fire

Three hours later I woke up on the couch. I was extremely comfortable and warm, not to mention still quite sleepy, so naturally I didn't want to open my eyes. When my eyes finally fluttered open, I was momentarily disoriented. I surveyed the room around me through blurry eyes, trying to wake myself up enough to figure out where I was, until I recognized the "Avenged Sevenfold" framed picture on the wall above the television from when the guys were first signed. Of course, I was still at Matt's house.

Matt had been blessed with quite a nice house for his age. Or condo, I should say. It wasn't huge, but it was much more homey than mine and Brian's apartment. He'd had some help from his parents, though. They weren't rich or anything, but they were comfortable, and since Matt was an only child, they'd apparently wanted to help put him in a decent place.

I adjusted my body slightly so I could lay on my side when my arm hit something hard. I drew my arm back quickly with a small groan when I felt a hand on my back. I jumped. It was then that I realized that the "pillow" I was lying on wasn't a pillow after all.

I sat up slowly and turned to see Matt's eyes on me. He smiled and I felt my cheeks flush.

"I'm sorry," I murmured tiredly. "I didn't mean to fall asleep on you... literally and, you know, not literally." He laughed. "I'm a bad house guest."

"I thought you liked this movie."

I turned to the TV. We looked to be about three quarters of the way through "Transformers." Truthfully, I'd chosen that one because I knew he liked it. I didn't hate it, but I'd seen it so many times that I could recite lines.

"I do." I rubbed my eyes with a sigh. "I'm just so tired. I know, I'm so fucking lame."

He chuckled, picking up his phone off the table. "I had a feeling you wouldn't make it through the whole thing. But I didn't know you'd pass out on me a half hour in."

He smirked at me.

"I'm just kidding," he said. "You had a rough night. No worries."

I laughed softly, rubbing my eyes. "Yeah, tell me about it. What time is it?"

My stomach growled loudly.

"Dinner time," he said with a laugh, as he stood up. He glanced at his phone. "And it's twenty to 8. The usual?"

We got Chinese all the time when we all got together and I always ordered the same thing - vegetable lo mein.

I nodded and he smiled, walking into the kitchen to call in our order.

I took advantage of the alone time and took a deep breath, closing my eyes again as I tried to calm my nerves. It was kind of ridiculous how my stomach would twist and my breathing would quicken and my heart would accelerate, all just from being within three feet of him. I couldn't believe I'd actually just fallen asleep in his lap.

"Hey, don't fall asleep again."

I opened my eyes as Matt sat back down next to me. He shut off the TV. Neither of us were watching it anymore.

"I'm not," I said, even though I'd honestly almost dozed off.

It was silent for a few minutes. I wish I could say that it was one of those nice, calm silences one can have with a friend, rather than one of those long, awkward ones. But I'd be lying. It was uncomfortable as shit.

"Can I ask you something?"

I froze. My heart started beating even more rapidly in my chest.

I cleared my throat. "What's up?" I managed.

He hesitated before glancing over at me.

"Last night," he began, "I - when Zack asked you...that truth, why did you - ?"

"It's nothing," I said quickly, "I just - "

"Look, I'm only asking because Brian's been bugging me about it. That's all."

My stomach twisted and I almost felt nauseous again. Great. So that was the other thing he'd wanted to talk to me about.

"What's the matter?" Matt was staring at me.

I swallowed, at least feeling confident that I wasn't going to throw up once again.

"Nothing's the matter. Im just tired." I forced a small laugh. "I know, I keep saying that."

I expected him to smile or laugh, like he always did. But he didn't. His lips were fixed into a hard line and his eyes were intent on mine. I gulped, and turned away from his gaze, feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"What?" I whispered.

"You're lying."

My mouth opened, but no words came out.

"Why can't you tell me what's wrong?" he interrupted. "You always used to tell me shit."

My stomach sunk. His voice was tainted with annoyance and maybe even anger, but I could sense the hurt. The hurt in thinking I didn't trust him enough to tell him stuff. But that wasn't true. He just didn't understand.

"I thought we were friends," he said.

I swallowed, the words coming out of his mouth almost too much too bear. I practically had to remind myself to breathe again. Of course we were only friends. I already knew that. So why did it hurt so much?

I took another minute to collect myself before answering.

"We are friends. Best friends. But there's nothing wrong." I said, slightly breathless. I shook my head and stood up, my brain in a fog. "Really though, I should probably call Brian and see what's going on, you know?" I started gathering my things, pulling my sweatshirt over my head, before sneaking a glance at matt. His arms were crossed, his head down. I couldn't see his face.

"Matt, what's wrong?"

My voice had an edge to it that I hadn't really meant to give. But I knew I only had so long before I would completely break down and I'd be damned if I let it happen here.

He looked up at me after a moment with a slight smirk, although his eyes were angry. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong, Becca."

I sat down next to him with a sigh. What he was doing was obvious. I stared at my fingers, playing with my ring, my heart beating a mile a minute. I wanted to tell him. So badly. But I couldn't. I bit my lip as I felt tears prick at my eyes. Fuck no Becca, I said to myself. You're not crying in front of Matt.

I felt a hand on my knee. Matt was staring at me.

"Don't tell me nothing's wrong," he said. I could still sense some anger in his eyes, but it had disappated for the most part. Their usual softness had returned. Matt didn't get angry very often, and especially not with me.

He rubbed my knee softly and I closed my eyes as a single tear fell slowly down my cheek. I shook my head, extremely disappointed in myself for letting myself let go in front of him. This wasn't like me.

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Becca," he whispered, taking my hand, "please. What's going on?"

"Go," I said, as my voice broke. "Go. I'm fine."

The doorbell rang again and he sighed loudly through his nose in frustration. He let go of my hand, before walking away quickly to the door. I heard him thank the delivery guy and exchange a few more words before shutting the door rather loudly and he was back over to me in seconds.

He took my hand again and I forced myself to look at him. His eyes showed concern, but his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. This guy just had no fucking clue.

"Please, Bec. You can tell me anything."

I shook my head slowly, sniffing loudly as I tried to stop crying. But it was no use.

"Come here," he murmured. I hesitated for just a moment, glancing at him through blurry, tear-filled eyes, before scooting over to him. He put his arm around me as I snuggled into his chest.

I wasn't able to hold my emotions in anymore. It felt like all the hurt, jealousy, sadness and longing I'd been bottling up inside had just exploded. How convenient. I hated crying. I avoided it as much as I could, and if I had to cry, I wanted to be by myself. But here I was, practically holding onto Matt for dear life.

"I-I'm s-sorry," I said, gripping his shirt, and I whimpered while my body shook with the force of my sobs. "I didn't w-want - "

Matt pulled me tighter against him. "Shhh, it's okay," he whispered.

He pressed a kiss to my hair and began to rub my back softly, attempting to help calm me down. And he did, physically at least. More than anyone else had ever been able to. I closed my eyes and soon my crying subsided and I was slowly able to get my breathing back to normal.

We sat like that for awhile. He didn't let go, didn't loosen his hold on me, and I didn't want him to. Even though I was embarrassed before, I no longer cared. It felt so right being this close to Matt. Him holding me. But yet I knew it was so wrong. That it could and would never happen. And those thoughts brought forth a pain in my chest that wouldn't go away.

I felt my stomach rumble and I knew Matt must have too. He loosened his arm around me, trying to see my face and I slowly untangled myself from him. I wiped at my eyes, feeling utterly exhausted.

"I know you're tired, but you should really eat something," he said softly.

I nodded and he made to get up, but without thinking I pushed on his chest, forcing him back down.

His face showed complete confusion, not surprisingly. I wasn't even quite sure myself what I was doing. But he sank back down into his seat, watching my face.

"You can tell me anything, Becca. You know that."

"This is different," I answered calmly.

"If you don't want to tell me, tell someone. Your brother. Brian would - "

I let out a small laugh. "I can't tell Brian."

He was silent for a minute and I figured he was thinking. "Okay, now you're sort of scaring me."

I sighed. "It's nothing bad, Matt. Just, telling Brian would be worse than telling you."

He shook his head, clearly confused, and was silent for a few minutes. My mind was racing. I didn't know what to say.

"Whatever it is clearly has you pretty torn up," he said quietly. "And I don't wanna see you like that. I just want to know so I can help you. I promise not to - "

I'd put my fingers to his lips, quieting him. I felt the corners of his mouth turn up in a smile and I couldn't help but smile slightly myself. I took my hand away and he grinned at me.

"Really? Did you really just shush me?"

I smiled widely, despite myself.

"See? That. Right there. That's what I wanna see."

I felt my cheeks flush and I looked down at my lap. His hand reached up to rub my cheek and I shivered a little at his touch. I found myself staring at his lips. His wide smile. His prominent dimples.

"You're so fucking adorable," he said with a chuckle, and I felt my cheeks flame even more.

I teared my eyes away from his lips and looked up at his eyes. They were bright and shining again. And somehow I apparently lost myself in them. I'm not talking about in some kind of cheesy, far-off romantic way you see in movies. I just literally lost myself. And I'm not quite sure what came over me; where on earth the sudden burst of confidence came from.

But in an instant I had leaned toward him, pressing my lips softly against his. I felt him jump back against the couch in complete surprise and heard the sharp intake of breath when my lips first grazed his. He was apparently too shocked to kiss me back, but the kiss lasted only a few seconds anyway, as I pulled away after a moment. My heart was in my throat and I forced myself to look at Matt. His eyes appeared unfocused, staring off somewhere above my head. His lips were parted and I could hear his heavy breathing, but his face was virtually unreadable.

He licked his lips, perhaps subconciously, and I stared, feelings of lust I hadn't felt in years for a guy building in my stomach. But before I could make another move, Matt's fingers were under my chin, gently pulling my lips back to his. I kissed him back immediately, leaning toward him as he deepened the kiss. I sat up taller without breaking contact, running my fingers through his soft, short, spiky hair and he gripped onto my back, pulling me closer to him.

He pulled away for just a moment and he stared at me with a look that I couldn't quite place. We took a moment to catch our breath and then I attached my lips to his again. I'd dreamed about this moment for years, never thinking it would happen. And now Matt was kissing me back, with a passion that I wouldn't have expected. I sucked his lip gently and he moaned softly against my lips, a sound that only strengthened the fire in my belly.

Bzzzz. Bzzzz. Bzzzz.

We didn't stop, but the sound was aggravating to say the least. Matt groaned into my mouth as his phone continued to go off on the table and I finally forced myself to pull away with a breathless laugh.

"Answer it," I breathed. We were both breathing heavily and my heart was on overdrive. I'd almost forgotten what this felt like.

He sighed loudly, picking up the phone, but shut it off, before dropping it on the couch with a slightly hysterical laugh.

His head was in his hands as he rubbed his face roughly, shaking his head.

My stomach sunk as I realized that he might regret what we just did. But I forced myself to put the thoughts out of my head and squeezed my hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"It's your brother," he mumbled, his voice muffled. "He's going to fucking kill me."