Deceit Brings Fire

I pushed the food around my plate with the chop sticks I could barely use, taking another small bite. I knew I needed to eat, but my appetite had basically disappeared and had been replaced with an anxiety that I couldn’t quite place.

The room was silent besides the sound of Matt scarfing down his food and a movie playing quietly in the background. I couldn’t even tell you what movie it was. I don’t think Matt was paying much attention to it either. I wished Matt would say something, but part of me was afraid of what he’d say. This night had certainly taken a turn for the worse.

The sound of my phone buzzing on the table broke me from my thoughts. I picked it up, almost certain on who it was even before doing so.

Matt had turned his whole torso in my direction, mouth full of food.

“Who is it?”

The corners of my lips turned up in a slight smirk. “Who do you think it is?”

He held up a finger and reached for his beer, taking a swig to wash the food down before answering me.

“You’re not going to answer it, are you?”

I rolled my eyes and put the phone up to my ear as Matt sighed loudly in response.

“Hey.”

“Becca?”

I could feel the couch shaking along with Matt’s knee and I kicked him softly in the leg to stop him.

“Yeah? Were you expecting someone else?”

“Why didn’t Matt answer his phone?”

He sounded almost annoyed and I sighed, pushing my plate back and standing up, feeling Matt’s eyes follow me.

“It was probably on silent. We didn’t hear it.”

“Are you okay?"

“Yes. I’m fine. Are you going to keep answering me with questions?”

“Why? Does it bother you?” He chuckled softly when I groaned. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’m headed home, probably about fifteen minutes away, so I can pick you up if you want.”

I hesitated, glancing over at Matt. He raised his eyebrows in question and I just shook my head.

“Yeah. That’s fine.”

“Okay. I’ll see you in a bit.”

“See you.”

I hung up and reached for my water, all the while aware of Matt’s impatience as he stared, waiting for me to say something.

“So?” he questioned after a moment, his eyes bulging.

“So what? It was nothing. He’s on his way home. He’s going to pick me up.”

“Oh.” I turned my eyes to him and saw that his face had fallen slightly. “I could have taken you home, you know.”

I shrugged. “I know, but I figured it was easier this way.”

I stood up to take my plate into the kitchen.

“Easier for who?” he said softly, just as I’d reached the archway. His voice was so quiet that I wasn’t sure whether he’d meant for me to hear or not. I stopped, but didn’t turn around. “Easier for you?”

I slowly exhaled the breath I had been holding and walked back to the couch.
“Becca, can we just talk about-?”

“No.”

The word had come out more blunt and forceful than I’d intended. Matt’s mouth opened slightly in shock and then he closed it.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “Not tonight. I need to…” I drifted off, unsure of what I was even planning to say. “I need to think about things.”

“Okay.” His face showed disappointment, but I was sure he wouldn’t push me further. He picked up the remote and turned off the movie. “Can I talk and you listen then?”

Despite the way my heart rate doubled at his words, I shrugged, settling back into the couch. No matter what he had to say right now, I needed to hear it. I’d already shown him how I felt. It was up to him now.

“I just want you to know that I don’t regret it,” he began slowly. “I don’t regret what happened between us. If that was the impression you got… I just – you’re brother will kill me. He said so.”

I let out a small laugh. “He’s just being protective. Plus, you know he has nothing on you.”

“But that’s not the point.” He clearly wasn’t finding any of this amusing and I folded my arms across my chest and settled my lips back into a hard line. “I promised him I’d never go there with you.”

“Why though? It’s not like you’re some random guy. I’ve known you all my life.”

He shook his head. “You don’t get it. You’re my best friend’s little sister. I babysat you. I watched you grow up. Then when you got older, I was the guy you told everything you couldn’t tell your brother. You know, things about guys you liked. Guys that he’d never approve of you dating.” I snorted at that. The fact that Brian thought he could control who I went out with. But Matt ignored it. “But I was never supposed to feel jealous.”

Now I was forced to look at him and his eyes locked with mine. “I wasn’t supposed to care about who the hell you dated. I wasn’t supposed to feel to protective and possessive over you, especially when I had a girlfriend who I loved and who loved me back. I’m not supposed to like you. I’m not supposed to… feel things for you. And I’m sure as hell not supposed to kiss you.”

Subconsciously or not, I licked my lips and I watched his eyes travel to stare at them.

“And I wasn’t supposed to enjoy it. And I shouldn’t want to do it again right now.”

I swallowed, watching him, half of me wanting to run away and half of me wishing he would just kiss me again already. But he didn’t.

“So right now I’m just confused. You need to think and I need to think. We just need some space, you know?”

I felt my heart fall a little at his words. This is what I was afraid of. I couldn’t lose Matt. He was my best friend and for all of that to be ruined over one kiss was unbearable. Thanks Megan. I’m glad I listened to your advice.

Despite my feelings, I cleared my throat and nodded. I was just about to reply, something along the lines of “yeah, you’re right” or “that’s a good idea”, when the doorbell rang.

Matt froze, his eyes landing immediately on the door and then on me.

“Relax,” I said, before getting up and walking to the door.

Bella got there before I did, her nails sliding on the linoleum as she skidded to a halt in front of the door and began barking loudly. “It’s okay, Bells,” I said softly.

I held her collar with one hand and pulled on the doorknob with the other.

“Hey,” said Brian, as he walked inside. He reached down to pet Bella’s head as I shut the door and released her. She licked at his hands, tail wagging happily. Sometimes it seemed like she liked Brian better than me.

He smirked at me as he stood up and I narrowed my eyes at him. “What’s that look for?”

“Your clothes.”

I looked down and laughed softly. I’d forgotten that I was wearing Matt’s clothes; baggy sweatpants that were so long the extra material pooled at my feet and an old, faded Metallica shirt. “Oh. Yeah, I didn’t have any clothes. So Matt let me borrow some.”

“I figured,” he answered, as he made his way into the living room. I hoped to God Matt had calmed down a bit since before.

“Yo,” called Matt. “How did it go?”

“Good,” he answered, sitting down on the arm chair on the other side of Matt. He hesitated, glancing at me quickly out of the corner of his eye. “We had a really good time.”

“What did you guys do?” I asked, trying to sound as genuinely interested as I could. I didn’t want him thinking that the subject of him and Megan was taboo or something.

“Uh, well, we went to dinner. At that new place down on Main Street? You know, the bistro?”

I nodded. I’d seen the place go up little by little during the past few months. It looked really nice when it was finished. It was a small, white corner building, with flowered bushes of all different colors lining the exterior. It would definitely stick out on Main Street, what with all of the seafood joints, surf shops and street vendors surrounding it, but it was nice.

“How was it?”

“Pretty good. Lots of different kinds of food. A little pricey, but you get what you pay for. And then, well, we were going to go to a movie. But during dinner we just got to talking… and kind of lost track of time. It was getting late, so we just headed down to the beach for a bit.”

I was thankful when Matt spoke up first. Just because I accepted the relationship between my brother and my best friend didn’t mean that it wasn’t still strange for me. The image of Megan and Brian walking hand-in-hand by the ocean was enough to put me at a loss for words.

“That’s awesome dude,” said Matt, with a smile.

Brian seemed to sense my discomfort and he immediately changed the subject. “What did you guys do?”

This time it was Matt’s turn to be uncomfortable. I could almost feel him tense beside me.

“Not much,” I answered, nonchalantly. “We watched some movies, ordered Chinese for supper. I was a pretty boring guest.”

Matt forced a small laugh. “We had a good day though.”

The tense atmosphere seemed to tug at all of us, but as the clipped, verging on awkward small talk continued, I grew increasingly eager to get out of there. By the time Brian announced that “we should probably get going”, I was verging on tears.

I stood up and gathered my things, following Brian to the door.

“Oh no you don’t,” said Matt as Bella padded to the door once again. He pulled on her collar until she was away from the door. “Stay.”

Bella whined, but obeyed, tail thumping against the floor as she stared longingly at Brian and I.

“See you later man,” said Brian. “Thanks for taking care of my fragile sister.”

The truth was, I was more fragile than he knew.

Brian laughed. “What? No comeback?”

I simply shrugged. Matt put his hand on my shoulder. “See you later, Bec.”

I forced a small smile in return, not trusting my voice. He returned it, though it didn’t quite reach his eyes. As we made our way to the car, I couldn’t help but think that I had truly ruined everything.