How could this happen to me

I try to open my eyes, the white light engulfs me, I always wonder if people see a white light, now I know you do.
I cant exactly remember what happen, or what I did to get here,
I remember the phone call to tell me my walls where falling down, Anya, my beautiful best friend, had also seen the white light, she was involved in a car accident a few hours ago, her life was taken, and she’s now above me.

Anya is my best friend, probably the only person who ever fully got how my mind worked. I loved her so much, she saved my life, when every one walked away, one person said goodbye to the people walking away, she did, she stayed with me, she told me that I was more important than those walking away.

I don’t get why I must be punished so much. Yes ill admit it, I’ve done some stuff I’m not proud of, treated some people really bad, the only place I could run to is Anya’s.
I know this night will never end, it cant she’s gone. Now its my turn. I’ve tried the great sin a number of times, fuck I’ve screamed for help even more times, and for a second, it might work, but then the great beast is back.
I don’t know what I did, to have to live like this.

I hear an ear piecing scream, and even though the light I know it belongs to my mother. I try to make a sound, but I know no one will hear me. The white light is so fucking bright. I’m not sure which side I want to be on

I want to start this day over again.

I try to hold on to my mum’s voice, I know with her who I am doesn’t matter, I wish I’d realised that before I did this to myself. Id explain what happen, but I cant remember. I wish I could erase what I did, I really don’t like the look of this white light, I wish I had held on. But now, I don’t think I can.

How could this happen to me? I want it to stop, I want to wake up, I want Anya back, but I know she’s gone, I’m scared, and I cant run away this time. This night will be forever. I don’t want this. I want to scream, this cant be happing

I’ve made My mistake, I need to live, for Anya. I cant run away from hell. I thought doing this would bring Anya and I back together, but as I fading away, I realise Anya’s beautiful soul has ascended to heaven, and mine’s descending to hell.
I committed suicide, it’s a sin. I’m going to hell. I want to go back. I cant scream.
Life washes out of me. I didn’t think this would happen to me.

Beth Ana Watson
5-4-1990 - 2-3-2008
In the black of the night,
She took her life,
Regrets, regrets,
She just wants to be alive,

Mother, Mother I’m so sorry
Brother, Brother please don’t cry.
Sister, Sister your beside me.