The Willow
Chapter 11
It was a rainy day, which meant that Thisbee couldn't go to the park; to the willow. All she wanted, all she needed, was a little time to escape, and to get away from the chaos that ensnared her mind. So many new things kept happening that she didn't want to keep up with. So many new feelings kept torturing and entrancing her, and she honestly wasn't sure of how much more she could take.
Of course, one major problem was the boy. The boy that she couldn't figure out. The boy that she wanted to have everything in common with. The boy she had so much in common with. The boy that wasn't hers. Every time she saw him her chest would fill with this empty feeling, and she wanted to weep out of how much she wanted him, and how she knew she couldn't and would never have him.
Thisbee was well aware that she was not mentally stable enough for a relationship; she had neurotic and self destructive tendencies, not to mention her awkward and terrifying light. What kind of person would want to be dragged down by so much baggage? Not anyone outside of the cheesy romance novels that plagued her mind; making her hope for what could never happen.
Trapped inside of her room, Thisbee began pacing around like a caged animal; in a fruitless attempt to get some of her pent up energy out. Biting her lip, she exhaled deeply through her nose and sighed, thinking deeply. Scratching the back of her neck, she began removing her hair from the braid that held it captive; for the little strands that stuck out were poking at her neck, making it itch. She reached up and scratched her neck, right along the hairline, as she flung the hair band to the other corner of the room. She paused in her steps, faltered, as another thought hit her full force.
“What am I doing?”
Perplexed by this new question, Thisbee plunked down on her wooden floors and leaned her back against the wall. She stretched her legs out in front of her and began examining them; counting every freckle, cringing at the missed spots from her quick morning shave. She blinked quickly, as if fluttering her eyes could help her draw a conclusion any faster. She began chewing on the inside of her lips, a horrid habit that she was attempting to get a handle on, in deep contemplation when suddenly her mind blanked. Running her fingers through her hair in shock and frustration, Thisbee proceeded to get off the floor, with the intention of beginning to pace, yet found herself frozen in place.
Almost in a daze, Thisbee walked over to her window, and opened it, feeling the after rain mist hit her face, and the scent of rain invade her senses. She scratched her ear in confusion, before leaning her head out of her window and inhaling deeply. As the wet air attacked her nose, Thisbee let out a startled sneeze, and blinked a couple times out of confusion. Reaching up to scratch the back of her neck, she contemplated leaving. After standing, staring blankly out of her window for a few more moments, Thisbee’s limbs started moving of their own accord, as she found herself putting on shoes and a jumper, and climbing out her window. After that, it was as if her heart was guiding her, and she closed her eyes as she walked, already aware of where she was headed.
When she finally reached the willow, she parted the damp curtain of leaves and found herself crouching under the protection of the tree. Realizing that the ground underneath the limbs of the tree was damp, Thisbee debated between whether to sit on the ground, and decided that she didn't care for her jeans anyways. Closing her eyes and bringing her knees up to her chest, she felt more at home than she had in a while, and for a few moments, it felt like everything was going to be okay again.
But as she opened her eyes, reality began crashing down on her, and silent tears began to trail down her face, as her breaths became heavier and more labored. Thisbee buried her face into the collar of her jumper and tried to remember how to compose herself, but at the moment, all her soul wanted to do was weep.
She wept for everything she wasn't, but wanted to be; and for everything she hated about herself. She wept for the rain soaked ground that was now soaking into her pants. She wept for the home that was more like a prison to her. She wept for the boy that she wanted, but could never have. She wept for the endless nights she spent confused about what a freak she was. She wept for the willow, and how it seemed to be the only thing that felt real to her. She wept for the fact that she had no friends, and couldn't interact like a normal person. She wept for her grades, and how she felt apathetic towards improving them. She wept for her family, and how they could never understand what was going on with her. She wept for the stars, and how she didn't understand why they had chosen such a weak and useless human being.
But most of all, Thisbee wept for herself, and for her soul.
Of course, one major problem was the boy. The boy that she couldn't figure out. The boy that she wanted to have everything in common with. The boy she had so much in common with. The boy that wasn't hers. Every time she saw him her chest would fill with this empty feeling, and she wanted to weep out of how much she wanted him, and how she knew she couldn't and would never have him.
Thisbee was well aware that she was not mentally stable enough for a relationship; she had neurotic and self destructive tendencies, not to mention her awkward and terrifying light. What kind of person would want to be dragged down by so much baggage? Not anyone outside of the cheesy romance novels that plagued her mind; making her hope for what could never happen.
Trapped inside of her room, Thisbee began pacing around like a caged animal; in a fruitless attempt to get some of her pent up energy out. Biting her lip, she exhaled deeply through her nose and sighed, thinking deeply. Scratching the back of her neck, she began removing her hair from the braid that held it captive; for the little strands that stuck out were poking at her neck, making it itch. She reached up and scratched her neck, right along the hairline, as she flung the hair band to the other corner of the room. She paused in her steps, faltered, as another thought hit her full force.
“What am I doing?”
Perplexed by this new question, Thisbee plunked down on her wooden floors and leaned her back against the wall. She stretched her legs out in front of her and began examining them; counting every freckle, cringing at the missed spots from her quick morning shave. She blinked quickly, as if fluttering her eyes could help her draw a conclusion any faster. She began chewing on the inside of her lips, a horrid habit that she was attempting to get a handle on, in deep contemplation when suddenly her mind blanked. Running her fingers through her hair in shock and frustration, Thisbee proceeded to get off the floor, with the intention of beginning to pace, yet found herself frozen in place.
Almost in a daze, Thisbee walked over to her window, and opened it, feeling the after rain mist hit her face, and the scent of rain invade her senses. She scratched her ear in confusion, before leaning her head out of her window and inhaling deeply. As the wet air attacked her nose, Thisbee let out a startled sneeze, and blinked a couple times out of confusion. Reaching up to scratch the back of her neck, she contemplated leaving. After standing, staring blankly out of her window for a few more moments, Thisbee’s limbs started moving of their own accord, as she found herself putting on shoes and a jumper, and climbing out her window. After that, it was as if her heart was guiding her, and she closed her eyes as she walked, already aware of where she was headed.
When she finally reached the willow, she parted the damp curtain of leaves and found herself crouching under the protection of the tree. Realizing that the ground underneath the limbs of the tree was damp, Thisbee debated between whether to sit on the ground, and decided that she didn't care for her jeans anyways. Closing her eyes and bringing her knees up to her chest, she felt more at home than she had in a while, and for a few moments, it felt like everything was going to be okay again.
But as she opened her eyes, reality began crashing down on her, and silent tears began to trail down her face, as her breaths became heavier and more labored. Thisbee buried her face into the collar of her jumper and tried to remember how to compose herself, but at the moment, all her soul wanted to do was weep.
She wept for everything she wasn't, but wanted to be; and for everything she hated about herself. She wept for the rain soaked ground that was now soaking into her pants. She wept for the home that was more like a prison to her. She wept for the boy that she wanted, but could never have. She wept for the endless nights she spent confused about what a freak she was. She wept for the willow, and how it seemed to be the only thing that felt real to her. She wept for the fact that she had no friends, and couldn't interact like a normal person. She wept for her grades, and how she felt apathetic towards improving them. She wept for her family, and how they could never understand what was going on with her. She wept for the stars, and how she didn't understand why they had chosen such a weak and useless human being.
But most of all, Thisbee wept for herself, and for her soul.