You Don't Know You're Beautiful

My eyes widened. I couldn’t believe that Kris had said that. It took me a few seconds to respond.

“What did you just say?” I squeaked out.

He began to stammer.

“I… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it to come out like that.”

I don’t know why, but all I felt in me at that moment was rage and anger. I couldn’t believe that Kris would throw a low ball like that.

“Well, regardless, you said what you said. Now, what did you mean by that?”

“Kaitlyn, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I…”

“Kris! Obviously, Trent’s name came up for a reason. Explain.” I cut him off.

I heard him let out a long sigh.

“ I…..I saw the text messages on your phone.” He said quietly.

My jaw dropped. I don’t know why it meant so much to me, since I was so open with Kris, but I felt so vulnerable. I felt like my privacy had been invaded, and that threw me over the edge.

“Well, let’s put aside the fact that you went through my phone behind my back for a second. Did you notice that I didn’t respond to any of them?!”

He sighed once more.

“I didn’t look. I just saw his number and a bunch of messages about how he still loves you and wants you back.”

I scoffed.

“So you just assumed that I would respond to him? Especially messages like that?! After all that he put me through?! I thought you knew me better than that, Kris.”

I heard him begin to plead with me to forgive him as I hung up on him. I was furious. I couldn’t believe that he would think that I would choose Trent over him. I thought, after explaining to Kris what happened between me and Trent, Kris would know better than to question something so absurd.

*Flashback*

Kris and I were laying on the hotel bed. He had just come back from a long practice at the ACC. We were lounging in sweats, watching tv, when he asked me a question that caught me off guard.

“So, are you ever going to tell me about you and Trent?”

I quickly sat up and looked down at him.

“Where did that come from?”

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know. I’m just curious. I can see sometimes that you hold yourself back a little bit. You did tell me that Trent hurt you emotionally, so I’m just curious.”

I sighed and laid back down. I closed my eyes as I put myself back in that relationship and began to spill out what I felt and what I went through.

“I know it’s cliché to say, but Trent wasn’t always emotionally abusive. He was sweet, and caring and kind. He made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I’m not exactly sure why everything changed, but when it did, it got bad.” I paused and blinked back tears that were threatening to fall. “He would cut me down every chance he could, call me every name in the book. I stayed with him because I thought he would change, be the guy I fell for in the beginning. Steph tried many times to convince me to dump him, but I couldn’t. When you’re with someone for so long, you feel like there’s no one else out there for you. I stuck it out, and took his emotional and verbal abuse.”

Kris cleared his throat, taking me out of my train of thought.

“Not that I like hearing about that you were abused in any way, but please tell me it was just verbal and emotional abuse.”

I quickly nodded.

“Yes, it was. Trent never hit me. Although, I thought he was going to one night. He became controlling very quickly. He would have tabs on my every move. One night, I went out with Steph and didn’t tell him where I was or who I was with. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him, but Steph took my phone and didn’t let me have it back until I went home. When I finally got a hold of him, he wanted to talk.” I trembled at the memory, but continued. “I had never seen him that angry. I was as if I had committed a sin or something. In order to ‘make up’ for my ‘wrong doing’ I had to do all of Trent’s homework for a month.”

Kris scoffed. “Oh, Kaitlyn, you didn’t. Please, tell me you left him. Wouldn’t he get expelled for that?”

I shrugged my shoulders.

“Well, as long as they had no proof, and if Trent re-wrote everything I did for him, no teacher was the wiser. Finally, I got overwhelmed when he wanted me to write a 4 page book report on the same night when I had to do a project that was worth 35% of my final grade. When I didn’t give him any work, he decided to make a scene at the school. He stood in the cafeteria and told me, in front of our entire class that he was breaking up with me. I didn’t understand it. I had done everything he had asked of me and then some. When I pulled him aside after school that day, I asked him why he was breaking up with me.” I didn’t realize until I ran my hand over my face that a few tears had fallen from my eyes. “He told me I was boring him and if I didn’t put my hopes and dreams second to his, then I wasn’t worth it. Not only for him, but anyone.”

Kris sighed and pulled me into him as I continued to sob. He rubbed my back as I cried myself to sleep. Just before I fell into a deep slumber, I heard him whisper.

“Vous le valez, belle” You are worth it, beautiful.

*End Flashback*

Thinking back on that day in Toronto, I began to feel bad for getting angry with Kris. I never should’ve jumped to the conclusion that he would think that I would take Trent back. As wrong as it was that he looked through my phone, I knew the Kris was just looking out for me. He had my best interests at heart, something that Trent never had. He just wanted me to do what he wanted and if I didn’t, I had to pay the consequences. Of course, I didn’t have the bruises to prove that, but I did have the emotional scars. It took me a long time to open up and be myself again. I had not only Steph to thank for that, but Kris as well. Steph helped me heal, while Kris showed me that it was okay to open up again, and to think I might have just thrown it all away.

I tried to stay the rest of the day at school, but after lunch, I claimed to be sick and had my mom come get me. The only thing I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep. I knew that I would probably see or hear from Steph sometime, but at that moment, I just wanted to be alone. I wasn’t ready to tell her everything, especially at school.

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Kris’ POV

I stared at my phone, hurt that she hung up on me, but at the same time, I knew that a part of me deserved it. I never should have brought up Trent or the fact that I went through her phone. If that conversation was to ever take place, it should have been in person, not over the phone. If it were in person, she would able to see the guilt in my eyes for even uttering his name.

As much as I wanted to call Kaitlyn right back and try to apologize, I figured it was better to give her some space. I laid down on my couch, closed my eyes and tried to focus on the game that was right around the corner.

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Kaitlyn’s POV

When I got back to my house, I ran right up to my room and shut my door. My mom had followed me up and knocked on my door.

“Honey? Are you okay?”

I felt tears brimming in my eyes. I didn’t want to say anything, because in the back of my mind, I didn’t really know what was going on.

“Yeah, mom. I just need to be alone. Once I lay down for a bit, I should be fine.”

I knew that it hurt her that I wouldn’t open up to her, but I wasn’t ready to bring one more person into this situation. My mom liked Trent, but that was mostly because I never told her half of the things he did to me. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings by shutting her out, but this was something I had to deal with on my own. When I go away to college, I didn’t expect her to be there everytime I came home from a bad date. This was me getting ready for that type of situation in a way.

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Kris’ POV

After I had finished my dinner, I decided to lie back down on my couch. I couldn’t find anything to watch on TV, so I popped in a DVD. My head had just hit the pillow I brought out from my bedroom when my phone went off. I looked at the caller ID, and saw that it was Steph. My heart began to race, thinking something was wrong. I decided to go against my better judgment and took a deep breath before answering the phone.

“Hey, Steph. What’s up?”

“Well, I had an unexpected visitor just leave my house.”

I raised my eyebrow, not knowing exactly where this was going.

“And who exactly was that?”

I waited as she stayed silent for a few seconds. Just as I was about to ask her again, she responded.

“Trent…”

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped to the floor. I sighed lightly.

“What the hell did he want with you? Don’t tell me you two had something going on before he was with Kaitlyn.”

I heard Steph scoff lightly.

“What?! No! He was here to ask me about Kaitlyn.”

That peeked my interest more than anything. Asking her what he wanted to know, I was not pleased with the answer.

“He wanted me to help him get her back.”

I growled into the phone. I had never in my life felt more protective over something as I had about Kaitlyn. I had told Steph that I had to go down and confront Trent. Steph tried to reason with me, but that was before she told me the last bit of her conversation with Trent. He had told her that if there was no proof that Kaitlyn was with me, he was hers. My breathing became low and hollow. I was about to speak, when Steph cut me off one more time.

“Kris, I don’t really like saying this, but I’m a little worried.”

I began to feel a little nervous. If Steph was worried it had to be serious. I knew we had to come up with a plan.

“What do you think we should do?”

“Well, I’m going to go over to Kaitlyn’s and talk to her first. I want to see if I could get out any more information about Trent. I don’t really like doing this undercover work, but Trent confronting Kaitlyn at school today makes a lot of sense as to her behavior when we were at school.”

I sighed. I wished that I could be there for her.

“I need to be there for her. I need to come up there.”

“Kris, do you really think that’s a good idea? Trent can…”

“I don’t give a shit about Trent.” I cut her off. “I want to be there for Kaitlyn. I don’t like that she’s going through this and I’m not there. I’m not saying I’m going to stay there for a whole week or whatever, just maybe a day or two. I just want to see her.”

I heard Steph sigh and I could picture her running her hand through her hair.

“Okay, maybe one or two days would be fine. But, can you let me talk to her first? I just want to see what else you’re walking into here.”

I ran my hand through my hair. As much as I wanted to talk to Kaitlyn about this myself, I knew that Steph would be able to get more out of her than I could. I agreed and we finished the conversation. Hanging up the phone, I sighed and laid back down on my couch. I held my phone in my hand, staring at a photo of Kaitlyn and I.

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Kaitlyn’s POV

I laid on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I couldn’t believe I had let myself get so angry at Kris. I felt like I had blew it with the best thing that had happened to me. I heard a soft knock on my door. I knew that it was my mom.

“Kaitlyn? Sweetie, are you coming down for dinner?”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. I was about to roll of my bed when I heard my mom speak again.

“Sweetie, can I come in?”

I finally rolled off my bed and opened my door. I saw the sympathetic look on my mom’s face. I felt my heart sink just a little bit. As much as I wanted to open up to her, I knew I couldn’t.

“I’m not really hungry right now, Mom. I just want to be alone right now.”

She nodded. “Okay, well I’ll make you a plate and you can come and eat when you’re ready.”

I nodded and slowly closed my door as I saw her walk away. I walked back over and flailed myself back onto my bed. I picked up my phone off of my bedside table. Unlocking the screen, I saw the picture that Steph took of Kris and I in Toronto. Just one glance at that picture brought tears to my eyes once again.

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Kris’ POV

It hadn’t been more than 5 minutes from when Steph had phoned me last when my phone rang once again.

“Steph? Is something wrong with Kaitlyn? Did Trent get to her before you did?”

I heard silence on the end for a couple seconds before she finally responded.

“No, nothing’s wrong with Kaitlyn. How did you know that I was going over there?”

I chuckled lightly. I couldn’t believe that it had slipped her mind so easily that we had talked just moments ago.

“Seriously? You’re her best friend. Plus, you told me you were going there.”

She proceeded to tell me that she didn’t think she could go over to Kaitlyn’s. I couldn’t understand why. She explained that it was because I had a game the next day and she didn’t want me to stress over the whole Kaitlyn/Trent situation. Truth was, I couldn’t get it out of my head. My girlfriend was going to be tormented emotionally, that is, if it hadn’t started already, by the boy who mangled her heart and self-esteem to shreds. I couldn’t just let that go. I decided to hear her out, and waited for her to continue. She went on about how if I had a bad game and Sid found out that Steph was part of the reason, even though none of this was her fault and her intentions were good, she’d never hear the end of it. I didn’t want her relationship with Sid to suffer over this, too. I let out a long sigh before I responded to her.

“I guess you’re right. But could you at least go talk to her? You don’t have to mention anything about me. I just need to know she’s okay.”

She had come back questioning me if I had already talked to Kaitlyn earlier that day. I mentally slapped myself in the forehead. I didn’t want to bring up the phone call that Kaitlyn and I shared earlier that day, but I guess it would give Steph a clearer picture as to why I was so adamant about her going to talk to Kaitlyn. I mentioned the fact that I slipped out Trent’s name in the phone call. She sympathized with me and finally agreed to go talk to Kaitlyn.

“Thank you, Steph. I’ll talk to you later and probably see you soon.”

We shared goodbyes and I hung up the phone and for what felt like the hundredth time that day, I laid down and sighed. Only this time, I felt a small tear escape my eye.

I wish I wasn’t so far away….this plan better work

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Kaitlyn’s POV

After finally eating my dinner, I decided to go through my phone and delete all of the text messages I planned on deleting earlier in the day. Going the texts and the call logs, I noticed a phone call had rung through. I saw that it was Steph. I had already shut out my mom, but I found myself shutting Steph out, too. I ignored the call and continued to delete the texts from Trent.

I didn’t realize just how many texts there had been. Just as I finished deleting the ones that he had previously sent, Trent sent another one.

Kaitlyn, please talk to me. I love you.

I shut my phone off and threw it across my room. I curled up in a ball on my bed and began to silently sob. I had heard soft footsteps from outside my door, but thought nothing of it, as everyone in my house knew to leave me alone. When my door opened, I thought it was just my mom checking on me. When I felt the weight of my bed shift a little, I opened my eyes and saw Steph sitting on my bed, looking down at me.

“Hey! What are you doing here?”

She sighed and sent me a sympathetic glance.

“Well, I had something to tell you, but after you didn’t answer my call, I ran down here. Now that I see you’ve been crying, I see it’s a good thing I came. What’s up buttercup?”

I wiped my eyes and sat up. After looking in her eyes, I knew that she wasn’t going to leave until I told her. Truth be told, I was happy that she came, even though I ignored her call. I needed to open up to someone, and Steph was there through all of the Trent drama before, so she knew exactly where I would be coming from.

“I blew it.”

She raised one of her eyebrows at me.

“What do you mean you blew it? What are you talking about?”

I sat up a little more straight and put my head in my hands.

“With Kris, I blew it.”

I didn’t look up from my hands, but I heard her response.

“How did you blow it with Kris?”

I got up off of the bed and began to pace across my room. I began to break down the events of my day. Starting with the phone call with Kris, which I had finally took part in after avoiding him all day. When I told Steph it was because I couldn’t get my mind off of Trent, her eyes widened.

“Trent?! Why were thinking about Trent?”

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

“Will you let me finish my story, please?”

She put her hand out, gesturing me to continue. I had opened up about the texts and phone calls I had received from Trent, carrying on to talk about the confrontation that happened at school earlier that day. I told had mentioned the momentary mind lapse that I had when Trent told me I had changed, but in the back of my mind, I knew that I changed for the better. From there, I opened up about the phone call with Kris. I told her how he mentioned Trent’s name and how I hang up. Tears sprung to my eyes again as I sat back down beside Steph.

“Oh Steph, what if I lost him?”

She shook her head and told me that she didn’t believe I lost him. She told me that if I phoned him, he’d be sure to understand. I let out a long, deep breath and agreed. Then I remembered she came to my house to tell me something. She dropped her head and stared at the floor for a few seconds.

“Yeah, umm….” She sighed. “Trent came to my house after dinner.”

My eyes widened and I asked her what he wanted. She explained that he wanted me back, and he wanted Steph to help him. I was sure she did, but I double checked that she had told Trent that she wouldn’t help him.

“Of course, I did. I told him that you were with someone else now, and that you had moved on.”

I sighed and stepped up from my bed once again. I was about to pace again, but before I could, Steph grabbed my arm, making me face her.

“There’s more.” I stared blankly at her, urging her to continue. “He said that until he had proof that you were with someone else, you were his.”

My eyes just about bulged out of my head and I could feel my face lose all of its colour. I sat back down on my bed. This time, however, I scooted all the way back to lean against my headboard. I looked dead in front of me, not making eye contact with Steph. I was staring blankly at the back of my door.

“What the hell does that mean?”

She sighed and moved so she too, was leaning against the headboard beside me.

“I don’t know, but I think you should talk to Kris. Tell him everything, and your relationship with him back on track.”

I nodded and agreed to call him in the morning. Steph left after she saw me yawn, saying she still had to say goodnight to Sid. When she left my room, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. Not all of it, though. I still had to get through the phone call in the morning with Kris, but I was going to keep an open mind about it. I got under my covers and closed my eyes for what had to have been my third time that day. This time, being the only time positive thoughts floated through my mind before I drifted off into a deep slumber.

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Kris’ POV

I had been sleeping for about a half hour when I heard my phone go off. Leaning over, I picked it up off of the bedside table and saw that it was a text from Steph. Normally, I would ignore texts or calls while I was trying to sleep, especially the night before game day. But I had been waiting for this text all night.

You’ll get a call in the morning. Don’t tell her about the plan. It’ll be better if it’s a surprise, believe me.

I smiled as I closed the text and placed the phone back on the table. I had just hoped that I could keep the plan a surprise.