Status: School essay
Sucide Letters
Erin's Room
The beach was overflowing with strangers, and I still felt more alone than ever before. Happy couples laid in the sand and kissed, girls walked holding hands on the waters edge. Smiling faces everywhere began to wear my soul down. I pulled my phone out and dialed Kayla's number, no answer. I tried Jare's phone, nothing. I began to panic so I dialed Trey's number still absolutly
nothing. I feel to my knees and began to completely break down. "Courtney?" I heard a voice call in a concerned tone. I glanced up at the approaching person to realize that Trey was the one calling out to me.
"Trey?! What are you doing here?" I asked frantically.
"We moved here," my stomach knotted, they followed through with the promise they made with Erin? A sharp pang of regrert and agony shot through me. "We figured since..well you hadn't answered
our calls or messages..So we thought you wouldn't really care if we moved." Sadness filtered through the silent strength holding up in her eyes. "And well..we didn't know how you were holding up
with Er-" My face twisted in a mortified expression, which must have cut her off midword. I hadn't heard her name once since the incident, "I'm sorry Courtney. I just want you to know that." I
had to look away, I know she really felt the way she said she did. No one was sorry Erin had died though, no one in my world truly cared. "Want to go on a walk? Or go back to the house?" Her
gentle question stunned me. I nodded, "come on love." She held her hand out in a poliet gesture.
"Thank you." I replied standing quickly to my feet with her assistance, "I don't think I am ready to see Kayla and Jare yet." We walked down empty backstreets and didn't stop.
"So, Courtney? What happened after.." Her voice trailed off.
"I shut down, you know how I got on the weekends sometimes?" I frowned, haunting memories flooded everything. "I shut down that weekend, and she tried so hard to get me to help her, just to talk.
Whatever was going on? She couldn't do it." My voice cracked and Trey rested a hand on my thin shoulder.
"You don't have to talk about her if you don't want, Kayla has kinda lost it..So I'll understand." She stared straight ahead as she spoke.
"When Kayla called and I answered, found out what Er...what she had done, I lost it. I shut down, wanted to kill myself but didn't have the strength. My dad locked me away for a month. And I was
still in shock when I returned home from the clinic. I lost all my friends, started getting in fights. I just..I can't believe she left me!" Tears bursted forward and I became unsteady again.
Trey drug me into a small white house, two stories that was empty pretty much on the inside.
"Follow me," Her voice was barely audible. I did as commanded and followed her into a room at the top of the stairs, on the left. The walls were covered in letters, posters and pictures. A lot
like my ceiling.
"Is this your room?" I glanced at the empty desk, a picture of Erin and I rested there. The bed was made and the book shelf covered in all Erin's favorite titles.
"No." She paused, "it's Erin's. We thought, that maybe by bringing her favorite things with us? She would sort of..come with us? We actually put this room together for you.." Her voice was low.She handed me a folded letter and a perfectly smooth letter, "the none folded is the one she wrote you before, the folded was her goodbye.." Her eyes dropped, "She kept re-reading it, the weekend she killed herself. She wouldn't let it go, we couldn't figure out what it was, or why. You are the only one she wrote to. Really broke her mom's heart, same with Jare and Kayla" I looked around, clothes were filling the closet, awards hung on the wall, frames covered all the dresser and desk surfaces. All her favorite pictures of us. and of me were framed. I walked to her bed and sat
down. "Is this all her stuff?" Tears filled my eye's as Trey nodded yes.
"I'll give you a minute hun." Trey walked out and closed the door behind her, I walked to the closet and removed one of her favorite sweatshirts, walked to her dresser and sprayed the sweatshirt with her favorite axe spray. Laid on her bed and covered up with her blanket, inhaling her fading scent. I faded to sleep.
nothing. I feel to my knees and began to completely break down. "Courtney?" I heard a voice call in a concerned tone. I glanced up at the approaching person to realize that Trey was the one calling out to me.
"Trey?! What are you doing here?" I asked frantically.
"We moved here," my stomach knotted, they followed through with the promise they made with Erin? A sharp pang of regrert and agony shot through me. "We figured since..well you hadn't answered
our calls or messages..So we thought you wouldn't really care if we moved." Sadness filtered through the silent strength holding up in her eyes. "And well..we didn't know how you were holding up
with Er-" My face twisted in a mortified expression, which must have cut her off midword. I hadn't heard her name once since the incident, "I'm sorry Courtney. I just want you to know that." I
had to look away, I know she really felt the way she said she did. No one was sorry Erin had died though, no one in my world truly cared. "Want to go on a walk? Or go back to the house?" Her
gentle question stunned me. I nodded, "come on love." She held her hand out in a poliet gesture.
"Thank you." I replied standing quickly to my feet with her assistance, "I don't think I am ready to see Kayla and Jare yet." We walked down empty backstreets and didn't stop.
"So, Courtney? What happened after.." Her voice trailed off.
"I shut down, you know how I got on the weekends sometimes?" I frowned, haunting memories flooded everything. "I shut down that weekend, and she tried so hard to get me to help her, just to talk.
Whatever was going on? She couldn't do it." My voice cracked and Trey rested a hand on my thin shoulder.
"You don't have to talk about her if you don't want, Kayla has kinda lost it..So I'll understand." She stared straight ahead as she spoke.
"When Kayla called and I answered, found out what Er...what she had done, I lost it. I shut down, wanted to kill myself but didn't have the strength. My dad locked me away for a month. And I was
still in shock when I returned home from the clinic. I lost all my friends, started getting in fights. I just..I can't believe she left me!" Tears bursted forward and I became unsteady again.
Trey drug me into a small white house, two stories that was empty pretty much on the inside.
"Follow me," Her voice was barely audible. I did as commanded and followed her into a room at the top of the stairs, on the left. The walls were covered in letters, posters and pictures. A lot
like my ceiling.
"Is this your room?" I glanced at the empty desk, a picture of Erin and I rested there. The bed was made and the book shelf covered in all Erin's favorite titles.
"No." She paused, "it's Erin's. We thought, that maybe by bringing her favorite things with us? She would sort of..come with us? We actually put this room together for you.." Her voice was low.She handed me a folded letter and a perfectly smooth letter, "the none folded is the one she wrote you before, the folded was her goodbye.." Her eyes dropped, "She kept re-reading it, the weekend she killed herself. She wouldn't let it go, we couldn't figure out what it was, or why. You are the only one she wrote to. Really broke her mom's heart, same with Jare and Kayla" I looked around, clothes were filling the closet, awards hung on the wall, frames covered all the dresser and desk surfaces. All her favorite pictures of us. and of me were framed. I walked to her bed and sat
down. "Is this all her stuff?" Tears filled my eye's as Trey nodded yes.
"I'll give you a minute hun." Trey walked out and closed the door behind her, I walked to the closet and removed one of her favorite sweatshirts, walked to her dresser and sprayed the sweatshirt with her favorite axe spray. Laid on her bed and covered up with her blanket, inhaling her fading scent. I faded to sleep.