Status: School essay
Sucide Letters
September 6Th
"Miss Waters?" Erin couldn't have left, this was all one huge nightmare and in the morning I am going to wake up and everything is going to be just fine. "Miss Waters?" I just need to remember to keep breathing and keep going and I will wake up from this nightmare. Everything will be oka-"Miss Waters!"
"Huh?" Ms. Dayton was looking at me with a mixture of fear and concern in her eyes.
"You okay Hun?" Concern conquered the fear in her eyes as her voice dropped low and she shut the office door. I had come to trust her, even though I hated shrinks, and I hated that word.
"Honestly?"
"Of course honestly." Her eyes were young and warm, I wonder how long they would stay like that in this job area.
"I want to die, I won't attempt or anything. I know it isn't the answer." I let my statement hang in the air before finishing it. "I can't pretend that everything is okay, I can't pretend that I am ever going to be okay. I want to sleep, and never wake up. Because in my dreams? I don't have to lose her, she never leaves and never dies. In my dreams everything IS okay," tears were forming
in my eyes as my voice cracked. "I just don't want to deal with the pain of this anymore."
"I know." I blinked back shock as tears fell from her eyes, "I am not supposed to do this, but you are my most invested case. I worry the most about you because I have been in your spot. Literally Courtney, I was sitting in your shoes, in the chair crying my eyes out to a counselor less than four years ago, when I was nineteen. It still hurts beyond words, but that's why I understand so well not just because of the training and schooling I have had." Her voice grew softer as she continued.
"It feels like I am dead, I don't want to keep going anymore. I want to do what she did but I know what effects it's going to have on the people around me. But sometimes, late at night that isn't
even enough to snap me out of it. I loved her. I really did. I know I'm still pretty young, I'm only a Junior and barley seventeen. But I know it wasn't just some fling, obviously."
"I believe you, don't worry. I think if Erin hadn't been.."
"Sick." I finished in fear she would say some other word that would crush me.
"Yes sick, if she hadn't been sick all the plans the two of you had would have worked out." A timer rang and Ms. Dayton sighed, frowning deeply. "That's all the time for today, but Courtney
sweetie, are you going to go to see her family?" Her question caught me off guard and immediately I decided I would go at the end of the month for her birthday.
"Yes, for her birthday at the end of this month." She nodded and smiled as I stood and left.
"Huh?" Ms. Dayton was looking at me with a mixture of fear and concern in her eyes.
"You okay Hun?" Concern conquered the fear in her eyes as her voice dropped low and she shut the office door. I had come to trust her, even though I hated shrinks, and I hated that word.
"Honestly?"
"Of course honestly." Her eyes were young and warm, I wonder how long they would stay like that in this job area.
"I want to die, I won't attempt or anything. I know it isn't the answer." I let my statement hang in the air before finishing it. "I can't pretend that everything is okay, I can't pretend that I am ever going to be okay. I want to sleep, and never wake up. Because in my dreams? I don't have to lose her, she never leaves and never dies. In my dreams everything IS okay," tears were forming
in my eyes as my voice cracked. "I just don't want to deal with the pain of this anymore."
"I know." I blinked back shock as tears fell from her eyes, "I am not supposed to do this, but you are my most invested case. I worry the most about you because I have been in your spot. Literally Courtney, I was sitting in your shoes, in the chair crying my eyes out to a counselor less than four years ago, when I was nineteen. It still hurts beyond words, but that's why I understand so well not just because of the training and schooling I have had." Her voice grew softer as she continued.
"It feels like I am dead, I don't want to keep going anymore. I want to do what she did but I know what effects it's going to have on the people around me. But sometimes, late at night that isn't
even enough to snap me out of it. I loved her. I really did. I know I'm still pretty young, I'm only a Junior and barley seventeen. But I know it wasn't just some fling, obviously."
"I believe you, don't worry. I think if Erin hadn't been.."
"Sick." I finished in fear she would say some other word that would crush me.
"Yes sick, if she hadn't been sick all the plans the two of you had would have worked out." A timer rang and Ms. Dayton sighed, frowning deeply. "That's all the time for today, but Courtney
sweetie, are you going to go to see her family?" Her question caught me off guard and immediately I decided I would go at the end of the month for her birthday.
"Yes, for her birthday at the end of this month." She nodded and smiled as I stood and left.
♠ ♠ ♠
ugh..almost done