Status: Complete
Colorado Sunrise
Colorado Sunrise
Andy didn’t see the point in life. Not right now.
He was numb, his life was out of focus, unbalanced, and he knew it. He knew it very well, he’d done it purposely. He’d spent so long seeing the world through rose-tinted eyes, ignorantly believing that evil forces could never touch him. All that time wasted, never building up any strength or resilience. He never expected to be hit by a 20 meter wall of emotional trauma, he never expected to feel his soul collapsing in on itself.
He never expected this.
Staring at the flaking wall of his uncared for apartment, he thought. He thought, and thought, usually about nothing of any real relevance. Sometimes, he’d wonder if the demon’s that occupied his mind would ever leave, and other times, he’d ponder the reasons behind his existence.
What was the point in him being here, if he had absolutely nothing left to live for?
He often wondered, if this was what depression felt like. Was he depressed? Was that what this was?
He didn’t know, all he knew, was that the only scenery he’d had for the past seven months, was the flaky interior of his crumbling Colorado apartment.
His hair was greasy, he rarely showered – what was the point? The only person he ever communicated with was the pizza delivery man, and his landlord, who’d scream through his letterbox about being behind on his rent. But no matter how much he screamed, he never had the heart to kick Andy out. He probably figured that evicting a depressed nineteen year old from his only safe-place, would lead to blood that he didn’t want on his hands.
His friends had given up on him a long time ago, leaving him in solitude, cruelly exposed to the elements of his mind. It was no wonder he was half insane – the wind, rain and fire that constantly swept through the vast plains of his conscience, had weathered and eroded away all signs of sense. What had once been great and powerful mountains of happiness, were eroded into weak, lonely hills of hopelessness.
He couldn’t hold grudges against his friends for leaving him behind, and carrying on with their lives. They tried to help, to make the pain and hurt go away, but he was unresponsive. All they could do was try, and he shot them down. He drove his friends away. It would be unrealistic, to pin the blame on them, for something he had done.
He’d dug this grave for himself, he’d buried himself six feet under, and now it was his job, his responsibility, to dig himself out.
One day, he’d break free. He’d push through the soil, and he’d feel the soft warmth of the sun on his skin.
One day, he’d finally see his Colorado sunrise.
He was numb, his life was out of focus, unbalanced, and he knew it. He knew it very well, he’d done it purposely. He’d spent so long seeing the world through rose-tinted eyes, ignorantly believing that evil forces could never touch him. All that time wasted, never building up any strength or resilience. He never expected to be hit by a 20 meter wall of emotional trauma, he never expected to feel his soul collapsing in on itself.
He never expected this.
Staring at the flaking wall of his uncared for apartment, he thought. He thought, and thought, usually about nothing of any real relevance. Sometimes, he’d wonder if the demon’s that occupied his mind would ever leave, and other times, he’d ponder the reasons behind his existence.
What was the point in him being here, if he had absolutely nothing left to live for?
He often wondered, if this was what depression felt like. Was he depressed? Was that what this was?
He didn’t know, all he knew, was that the only scenery he’d had for the past seven months, was the flaky interior of his crumbling Colorado apartment.
His hair was greasy, he rarely showered – what was the point? The only person he ever communicated with was the pizza delivery man, and his landlord, who’d scream through his letterbox about being behind on his rent. But no matter how much he screamed, he never had the heart to kick Andy out. He probably figured that evicting a depressed nineteen year old from his only safe-place, would lead to blood that he didn’t want on his hands.
His friends had given up on him a long time ago, leaving him in solitude, cruelly exposed to the elements of his mind. It was no wonder he was half insane – the wind, rain and fire that constantly swept through the vast plains of his conscience, had weathered and eroded away all signs of sense. What had once been great and powerful mountains of happiness, were eroded into weak, lonely hills of hopelessness.
He couldn’t hold grudges against his friends for leaving him behind, and carrying on with their lives. They tried to help, to make the pain and hurt go away, but he was unresponsive. All they could do was try, and he shot them down. He drove his friends away. It would be unrealistic, to pin the blame on them, for something he had done.
He’d dug this grave for himself, he’d buried himself six feet under, and now it was his job, his responsibility, to dig himself out.
One day, he’d break free. He’d push through the soil, and he’d feel the soft warmth of the sun on his skin.
One day, he’d finally see his Colorado sunrise.
♠ ♠ ♠
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