Unexplainable Thoughts

I groaned inaudibly, letting my forehead lazily hit my desk, resting my face in my hands as I did so.

What the fucking hell? I thought these stupid visons went away!! Why the fuck does this keep happening to me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?!

"Ver? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Missy leaned over and whispered into my ear.

I slowly lifted my head and turned it towards her, noticing that Mr. Reed hadn't started class yet.

"Yeah. I just..."

Should I tell Missy about the visions? She might think I'm crazy or something... or just a hormonal teenager. Maybe she could help me... Hmm... She is my best friend, it's not like she's going to tell anyone.

"I'll tell you later." I quickly told her right before Mr. Reed began shushing the class.

"Okay! Everybody, I received a suggestion earlier, so today, I'm allowing you guys to have a study hall to work on whatever you want to or just hang out. So get to work!" He chuckled a little at some of the other student's reactions before he settled himself down in his chair, changing his focus to the computer screen.

My stomach turned a little when I realized that he had actually listened to me and gave us a study hall.

Maybe he's not so bad a teacher after all...

Missy had move her desk closer to mine, allowing us a tiny bit more privacy.

"Hey Missy." I spoke in a monotone voice as her desk was fully pushed up against my own. She didn't respond, but instead held up one finger before grabbing a notebook and pen and setting it in front of me.

"Really Missy? How old are we?" Sarcasm seeped through my words, before she scribbled onto the paper.

I'm serious. Just write back and tell me what's up.

I sighed before looking around, noticing everyone was too interested in their own conversations to even bother with my own. I picked up the pen and began writing.

I basically filled up the whole page of paper telling her all about my visions. But I left out Mr. Reed's passes at me, not wanting her to get creeped out by our new teacher.

I stopped writing after I had told her about the vision that I had just had, then handed it to her, letting her read the very long message. Once she had finished, she slowly set it back onto my desk, then turned to stare at me blankly for a few seconds.

"Wow..." She breathed out, practically speechless.
"That's just... weird."

"Thank you, Missy. I didn't know that." I replied sarcastically.

"But... Do you like him... that way?" She struggled asking the question, whispering in my ear.

"Yes, Missy. I want to fuck him. That's why I'm so frustrated with this."
Sarcasm seemed to be my friend today...

"No! I don't like him that way... I mean... I think he's sexy, but I don't want to jump his bones every two seconds." I answered her, trying to reason with her that I'm not just a horny teenager.

The bell rang, interrupting Missy as soon as she had opened her mouth.
"I'm coming over. We gotta talk about this."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as I had dropped my backpack onto the floor of my room, I heard the sound of Missy's car's engine in my driveway. A minute or so later, Missy had seated herself comfortably on my bed while I sat in my chair across from her.

"So..." I awkwardly looked around my room, not knowing how to start the conversation.

"Ver, are you sure that you don't want to... uh... 'do it' with Mr. Reed? I mean... he is good looking... and-"

I interrupted her. "I'm sure. And even if I did want to, I wouldn't randomly start thinking about it during class or whenever the hell he talks to me. I mean, that's just ridiculous! I don't want to think about that during class.That's just... awkward."

"Okay, sorry." She dramatically tapped her chin as she thought for a few seconds, then turned her attention back to me.
"Maybe it's your subconscious. You probably don't actually want to do that to Mr. Reed, but your mind is just playing these weird scenarios in your head when you see him."

My eyebrows scrunched together as I thought, then nodded my head. "It sounds plausible." I shrugged. "But wouldn't I be able to stop thinking about them if I was subconsciously making up this stuff?"

Her face contorted in frustration and nodded. "Ya, I guess you'd be able to stop them."

"I don't think you really understand what these vision things are. They're not just thoughts that pop into my head, Missy. They're like dreams that I get when I'm awake, but I always seem to lose consciousness without actually passing out. I look like I'm spacing out when it happens, but not like I just fainted, because that's how I feel when it's over. I get really dizzy, nauseous, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up before the vision comes. When the vision ends, I still feel a little dizzy and almost like I just woke up. I've never experienced anything like it before, Missy. I don't what the hell is going on with me." With every sentence I spoke, my voice became more and more strained as my eyes watered slightly.

Missy noticed my distress, and quickly wrapped her arms around me, rubbing my back in a comforting way. "Just calm down, Ver. Don't worry about it. We'll figure out what's going on." She whispered in my ear.

At that moment, I realized that my life was no longer being run by myself.
My life was being run by the fact that I was getting strange visions about my new English teacher. Something as simple as a few strange thoughts had broken me down.

I had always thought that I was very strong emotionally.

For many years, I had been stereotyped by my peers, but I had never let it bother me. I never did and never will conform to the trends and have the whole strive to be "popular." I thought I could live my life without letting other people or other things affect how I live.

I guess I'm not as strong as I thought I was...

I'm not letting this take over my life again.