Palm Trees

"This is Minh," you said. She was the girl who had answered the door before. I already knew who she was.

"I don't like you," she said.

"It's nice to meet you too," I said, but I knew she wasn't joking. Truth is, if I was one of your friends, I would probably hate me too.

"Like I said, she's rude," you said, trying to lighten up the moment. "Anyway... yeah. Ailyn should be home soon."

"Ailyn?" I may have heard the name once or twice.

"Our other roommate," you said. "She's the one who owns this house."

So that explained it. You had a friend who helped you out when you needed somewhere to go. Somewhere to run to. "When did you move here?"

"Right after graduation."

"So early."

"I needed to get away," you said, shrugging. "Minh and I were always going to move in together for college anyway, and Ailyn was already coming here, so why not? It all worked out in the end."

"Explain to me why I had to be here for this?" Minh looked annoyed. "I was going to go to the movies with Lynn and Mike, but I had to blow them off."

"Oh, you know they won't care. At least, Lynn won't. Mike might have another 'problem', but he's going to be fine."

"Well there's no one to save him now."

I felt so out of place. While you and your friend were talking about these other people you knew and probably loved, I was lost. I didn't know what was going on in your life anymore. Sure, we had talked, but I still couldn't grasp the fact that you weren't the girl I used to know anymore. It wasn't exactly bad... just different.

I heard the front door unlock and a girl walked in. I assumed it to be Ailyn, and she was fucking beautiful. Similar girls stick together, I suppose. Of course, you and Minh were pretty girls in my opinion, but Ailyn was a different kind. She looked like she belonged on the runway, but at the same time extremely modest.

"Hey," she said.

"This is Aden," you said, gesturing towards me. "An old friend."

From the moment that you told me that you had another roommate, I wondered if you had told her about me. I got my answer when I saw the look in her eyes, but it quickly faded into a neutral one. I could tell she didn't want to start conflict with me, unlike Minh.

"So... this is your house, Ailyn?"

"Yeah, my dad paid for it when I told him I wanted to move here." So she was a rich girl. I also noticed that she had a slight accent.

"That's cool."

"Minh, I need you to help me sort through these new clothes I bought. They're in the car," Ailyn said. "Come. Now."

Minh looked more than happy to, and I could tell that Ailyn meant for me to be alone with you. They left and I still had no idea what to say to you.

"I can't forgive you, you know," you said after a silence.

"I know."

"But I'd like to start over, I think. I have questions for you."

"I have questions for you too."

"I think I'm more entitled to answers," you said, and though I didn't like it, I knew it was true.

"I suppose you are."

"So... should I ask you?" It was so like you, to ask for permission for these things even after I basically said it was fine. You still never wanted to offend anyone.

"Go for it."

"Uhm... how have you been this week?"

"Cut the bullshit, Cass. We both know that's not what you want to ask." Though I wish it was. I wish our relationship was just that simple.

You sighed. "Am I stupid?"

"No," I answered immediately. "For what?"

"For thinking, during that last summer, that I still had a chance with you."

That one hit me hard, because I knew I played you that summer. But not really. I did want you... I just didn't know if it was for sure. It was the exact thing that Sim told me I had a problem with. "You did."

"But it doesn't seem that way. I was there that summer, I was with you almost all of the fucking time, and still this other girl wins." I could tell that you were starting to say what you've always wanted to say to me.

"You're not completely innocent either, are you?"

I saw how my statement hurt you, and how you honestly regretted everything I was accusing you of. As soon as the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back. But once something happens, you can't reverse it. You and I know that better than anything.

"I guess not," you said.

Why didn't I just say it? I needed to apologize, but some other, stronger part of myself wouldn't let me. You were too kind to accuse me of anything more and force the apology and confessions out of me, like you should have.

We sat in silence again after that. It shouldn't have been this hard, but you and I were both too stubborn to change that, even after agreeing to start over. Because no matter how hard we tried, we couldn't seem to truly start over. We'd been through too much.

My phone vibrated. It was from Hannah, who asked me if I was going to be home soon. I didn't answer her, but I knew I was going to have to sooner or later. I had to make up my mind then. I knew I had to go home, but when? How long would it take for me to make this trip worth it? Maybe I would never be worth it, because there was nothing left for us.

I had Hannah at home waiting for me, and the restaurant and basically everything major in my life. They fit together, and everything made sense to me before I got your letters. Maybe it was for the best.

"I have to go," I said. "I need to go back home."

"You just got here," you said.

"I know, but I'm needed back at the restaurant." Not exactly a lie, but not the full truth.

"I see. Are you going to come back any time soon?"

"No," I said. "I'll see you again sometime in the future, alright Cassie? Might be a while... but yeah."

"Okay," you said. You looked kind of shocked. I could tell you were trying to keep your expression calm. "Bye, then, I guess."

"Tell your friends I said bye." And with that, I left. I drove back to my hotel and booked the earliest flight back to New York.

Because after all, didn't I have a habit of abandoning what I cared about?