What We Left Unsaid

“I still remember the first time I met you, you know. You were a week old, and your father was absolutely sure that I would drop you, so your mother waited until he had gone out hunting and then sat me there on the couch -- that absolutely hideous one that somehow survived each and every renovation project your mother undertook -- and then she stood there looming over me and lecturing me on what would happen if I so much as sneezed on you. When she finally put you in my arms, I was shaking because I was so terrified I would break you. I was four years old and I had never held a baby before -- I’m not sure I even understood what a baby was -- but I knew it was a big deal because everyone in the pack wouldn’t stop talking about you. A pureblood female -- no, a Rinaldi female! You were the talk of the town, and even though I didn’t understand why, I knew right from that first moment I held you how important you were, and not just to them, but to me. I loved you right then and there, and I never stopped loving you.”

“We both know I don’t have that good of a memory,” the shortest man said as he let a soft smile play across his lips, “but I remember the day you outgrew me like it was yesterday.” As he paused to take a breath, everyone around him laughed with tears in eyes, causing him to fake an irritated scowl before laughing softly himself. “Fuck you guys! It was a big deal! Well, it wasn’t so much a big deal to you, but it was to me. You were twelve and right in the middle of a growth spurt, but damn did it seem like it was overnight. We were at the beach, playing volleyball, and this fucker right over here spiked the ball right into your head.”

“Aw, fuck, I forgot about that!” the largest man interrupted, head shaking as he smiled at the memory.

“I didn’t,” he continued with another laugh, “because while he was ducking under the net to come over and apologize, you grabbed the ball and moved back next to me so you could do an overhand serve right back into his face. He caught it, of course, and you were pissed. Do you remember that? You were jumping up and down and shouting things like ‘fuck you, Sanders, you should’ve just let me hit you!’ And all I could think while I was watching you was ‘shit, is she taller than me?’ I made him put you down after he had tackled you into a hug just so I could see if you actually were.”

“And then there was the time you knocked my tooth out; that’s not a day I could ever forget,” another man added, hand subconsciously lifting to rub at his jaw.

“It was two teeth, JB, not one,” reminded one of the other men as he gave the roadie a patronizing slap on the back.

“One of them didn’t count!” he argued with an adamant shake of his head. “It was loose, and about to fall out anyways, but the other one -- that one you knocked right out way before it was ready. Christ, you were eight and you packed a mean punch! It wasn’t the punch that knocked the tooth out; that was after, as I’m sure you remember. No, I was sneaking up on you while you were walking home from Brian’s house one night, and I worked so hard to not make a single sound because it was always so fucking hard to sneak up on you. But I got you!” There was a pause as the man let out a good laugh. “And then you got me even better, elbowing me right in the face the second I grabbed you. There was blood in my mouth and I was down two teeth, but that didn’t stop you from yelling at me and punching me right in the eye for sneaking up on you. I don’t think I even thought about trying to surprise you again.”

“I think we all learned that lesson at one point or another. I remember one time when you were -- what, thirteen? -- and I decided that I was going to teach you how to drive. So there we were in that shitty old car Jason and I were still sharing, and I thought I covered absolutely everything. I set the car up in the far end of a large, empty parking lot. We changed all of the mirrors, the seat, and the steering wheel until they were absolutely perfect, and I even had you practice with the gas and the brake before we shifted gears, just to make sure we wouldn’t go flying into anything right off the bat. I told you to shift the gear, take a deep breath... and then I heard my favorite song come onto the radio and I shouted out. Oh, God, you slammed that foot of yours right down on the gas, and because I had been an idiot and hadn’t double checked to make sure you were in the right gear, we flew right back into the concrete wall behind us. You totaled that piece of shit and were freaking out because you felt bad and you were terrified your brothers would find out and kill me for putting you in such a stupid situation. It wasn’t your fault, though; it was completely my fault, and the thing was a piece of shit not worth the gas it guzzled up anyways. Two days later, and there’s two brand new cars sitting in our driveway, one for me and one for Jason. You told me you had stolen the money from your parents, but I knew you sold off a bunch of your most expensive jewelry... You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

“And I’m a complete bitch.” Everyone’s attention quickly shifted to the woman who had spoken, expressions showing clear surprise at the chosen words. The woman barely noticed, her gaze fixed ahead of her. “I don’t deserve to be here right now, I know, but I need to tell you this, so just consider this me being selfish again. I never hated you, but I know you thought I did. I envied you, because I even in the first few minutes of your arrival, I knew all of these guys loved you more than life itself, and because you were so strong and made everything look so easy. I thought you had it easy; I thought you were just an overly self-confident woman who was used to getting her way and buying her way, and who was really only looking out for herself. I thought you’d hurt my boys and put yourself first. But I was wrong, and I don’t think I’ve ever been so wrong in my life. So I don’t get to stand here and share some beautiful memory I have with you, because I didn’t let us have any, and I’m sorry for that. I only hope you can forgive me.”

From where he stood beside the woman, the largest man let one of his hands rub up and down her arm in comfort, before he finally moved to stand behind her and let his arms encircle her waist. Pressing his cheek against her red hair, he swayed a bit, eyes fixed forward. “Hey, Kid,” he finally said, voice cracking a bit as he used the affectionate endearment he hadn’t used in far too long. “How’re you doing? I just... fuck!” There was a pause as he took a shaky breath and then snorted on the exhale. “I taught you that word, you know. You weren’t even ten, and there I was, talking you into telling Johnny to go fuck himself. He asked you if you wanted a Coke and you just said exactly what I told you to and then walked away with that proud little smile on your face. And he just stood there so fucking confused, it was absolutely hilarious.”

“I couldn’t figure out what I had done to piss you off,” the shorter man softly admitted.

“I taught you a lot of shit I shouldn’t have, didn’t I? I guess, what else are brothers for, huh?” There was another lengthy pause as the brunette sighed. “They were never your brothers, you know, despite what a DNA test would have said. We were always your brothers... your obnoxious, always-getting-you-into-trouble, no-good brothers who always loved you with all of our hearts. You took baths with Brian, you borrowed clothes from Johnny, I taught you swear words, Jason nearly killed that boy who tried to look up your skirt, Matt taught you how to drive... and Jimmy wrote you notes to get out of class on practically a daily basis; you always had a family -- a true family that loved you -- it just wasn’t the one you lived with. But it should have been, and we should have taken you with us the day we left. I love you, Kid. I love you so fucking much, and I really need you to know that. We all do.”

There was a long silence before the first man spoke up again. “Jimmy would have wanted us to say something for him, but, let’s be honest, when did anyone ever know what was going through that crazy head of his? He would have had an epic story that made no sense at all but had us all laughing our asses off, and I can’t replicate that. So I’ll just tell you that he loved you. Matt’s right; you were a sister to all of us, to Jimmy, and to me, even if there were moments when I wished I didn’t love you like a sister, when I tried to look at you as anything but my kid sister, because you were the best damn woman I ever met. No offense, Kat,” he added apologetically. “But you always were my sister, you know, and I’m proud as hell to say that.”

“We all are,” the shortest member agreed, lifting up his head and looking forward again. “Well, we’re going to all go and probably get completely shit-faced now and pretend you’re there in spirit, but we’ll see you later, okay?” And then, gaze shifting just a little bit to the left, he gave a small, sad smile. “You keep her company now, alright, Brother?”

And, after a few mumbled agreements, the six darkly-clothed friends turned and walked off, revealing a green-eyed man who had been watching from a distance. It was only when the footsteps of the others were just a distant memory that the remaining man finally made a slow, wary approach. He stopped for a moment, hesitating where the others had stood before closing the distance and almost immediately falling to his knees. A forlorn expression on his stubble-ridden face, he simply kneeled there, staring ahead of him. Unlike the others, he didn’t launch into a story from the past, nor did he apologize for past mistakes; he just remained silent.

And he remained just like that for hours, shoulders slumped as he kneeled in the dirt before the small granite rectangle, that haunted gaze of his fixed on the freshly-etched name.

Ava Rinaldi.