Wait for Tomorrow
Part Four
Leigh sat at her kitchen table twirling her coffee cup in her hands. Her nerves were working in overtime as she replayed last night in her head. She knew she shouldn't have let him kiss her. She knew that something was going to happen. Every defense she had built, every ounce of hatred she gathered for the man in her bedroom disappeared when he kissed her last night. Everything vanished, now all that stood was a broken heart and a vulnerable mind.
Leigh could hear Matt twisting around in her bedroom. She smiled to herself as she thought of how cute he would look when he walked out of the room. His hair messy and sticking up in the back. His tee shirt pulled up slightly in the front to reveal his tattoos. And that crooked grin he'd always have when he looked at her. She'd seen that smile many times, and she missed it.
To be honest, she missed a lot of things. She missed the way he would hold her when she cried. The way he would kiss her after they'd argue. Or whenever they'd walk down the beach, he'd take her hand and kiss each of her fingertips. The way he would grin sheepishly after she caught him staring at her. It was just those tiny things that made her want him back.
Leigh closed her eyes and imagined her and Matt together now. She put the same mental pictures in her head as she did when her and Matt first got together. They would grow old together. Have kids, grandkids, even great-grandkids! Her movie-perfect picture placed a smile on her face. Suddenly she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, and his husky morning whisper in her ear.
"Morning."
She turned around in her chair and giggled. He looked exactly as she remember. His hair in a disarray, sticking up in the very back and his crooked smile plastered on his face. Leigh placed a hand on Matt's face and stared somberly.
"What's wrong?"
Leigh smiled and sighed. "Nothing, at the moment."
Matt grinned at her, kissing her lightly. Leigh could feel her heart give a small tug. He pulled away and ambled into the kitchen.
"So, I was thinking," he said after a couple minutes, appearing back with a bowl of cereal. He took the seat in front of her and looked into her eyes. "Why don't you come back with me?"
Leigh's heart jumped into her throat. That was the one question she was hoping he wouldn't ask. She remained silent and could tell Matt knew what she was thinking.
"C'mon Leigh! I'm sure the guys would love to see you again. And I know you are dying to see the guys again, too."
Leigh's heart played tug-of-war. Part of her wanted to go with Matt, leave this behind and live on the road. But the other part, the part that she lived with for four years, told her that it was a bad idea to go back. That she would end up hurting herself in the end. She stared at her dining table, not really seeing it. "Matt, I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Why not?" he demanded.
"Because! I didn't get away from you just to build up my walls and break them down again. I promised myself I would never, ever get back with you! I broke that promise yesterday when I agreed to go to dinner. Matt, I can't do it. My heart can't take it! I don't think that I can prepare myself enough. . ."
"I'm not going to cheat on you, Leigh."
"How do I know that, Matt? I trusted you back then and that blew up in my face. What makes you think that you won't make the same mistake? What makes you think that I'm just going jump back into your arms and accept? I can't Matt, I can't. My heart can't take it. I can't take it. . ."
"Leigh, look at me." Matt put a finger under her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. "Back in high school, I was stupid and young and. . . drunk. But I know that's not a good excuse for what I did. But I'd learned my lesson. The moment you walked away from me, I vowed that if we were ever together again that I would never hurt you. I saw the way you looked at me that night and it killed me. I wouldn't let myself live it down." Leigh dropped their gaze and fingered her coffee cup.
She heard Matt sigh and push away from the table. Her heart finally torn in two. A flood of memories came at her at once. This wasn't unlike a conversation they'd had before. But the situation was completely different. . .
June 6 - Senior Year
"Leigh, come with me please!" Matt pleaded, clasping Leigh's hands in his. His eyes were trying to convince her that he needed this much more than he was letting on. "C'mon, Leigh! You know you want to!"
"Matt, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not, Leigh? Why not!? It's perfect! We won't have to worry about our parents. We won't have to worry about this stupid high school bullshit. We could just go off, be on our own! Leigh, please. . ."
Leigh looked at her boyfriend. He was asking too much of her. She couldn't just drop everything and leave. She had a full-ride to UCLA and her whole future on a platter. She wasn't going to give that up. But a tiny voice in the back of her head was nagging.
What if they get signed? What are you going to do then? Dropping out isn't an option. And you know how crushed he'd be if you didn't leave with him. What are you doing? You're just going to leave him, after all that you've been through?
"Matt, I can't. I - I can't just take off. I'm sorry. Please -"
Matt let a curse fly out of his mouth as he pushed her away and Leigh cringed. Matt's voice voice turned pleading. "Leigh, please. I can't do this without you. It's something I don't want to do without you! Leigh, please, you have to realize -"
"I do! I do realize! But can't you see, Matt?" She looked at him with scornful eyes. "My whole fucking life is set out for me to take! I can't just ignore that! This is a once and a lifetime chance! I don't want to leave to follow your band!"
"I can't Matt. I already have everything I need here. I have a steady job, a house. I'm doing okay! I can't just pick up and leave. I ha-"
"You have your whole life set out for you. Yea, I know. I remember" Matt's voice dropped bitterly.
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Leigh could practically see Matt's heart break as she walked him to the door. They'd spent hours talking and fighting about her coming with him. But Leigh couldn't gather enough courage to let him just walk back into her life. She really wanted to get over him, but she couldn't. Everything she did just made her hurt worse and worse. And this was one of those things.
Matt turned just as he stepped over the threshold. He stared deep into Leigh's eyes. "I love you. And I just want you to know I'm not going to stop trying." Leigh could feel herself crumbling again.
"Bye, Matt."
Leigh could hear Matt twisting around in her bedroom. She smiled to herself as she thought of how cute he would look when he walked out of the room. His hair messy and sticking up in the back. His tee shirt pulled up slightly in the front to reveal his tattoos. And that crooked grin he'd always have when he looked at her. She'd seen that smile many times, and she missed it.
To be honest, she missed a lot of things. She missed the way he would hold her when she cried. The way he would kiss her after they'd argue. Or whenever they'd walk down the beach, he'd take her hand and kiss each of her fingertips. The way he would grin sheepishly after she caught him staring at her. It was just those tiny things that made her want him back.
Leigh closed her eyes and imagined her and Matt together now. She put the same mental pictures in her head as she did when her and Matt first got together. They would grow old together. Have kids, grandkids, even great-grandkids! Her movie-perfect picture placed a smile on her face. Suddenly she felt his arms wrap around her from behind, and his husky morning whisper in her ear.
"Morning."
She turned around in her chair and giggled. He looked exactly as she remember. His hair in a disarray, sticking up in the very back and his crooked smile plastered on his face. Leigh placed a hand on Matt's face and stared somberly.
"What's wrong?"
Leigh smiled and sighed. "Nothing, at the moment."
Matt grinned at her, kissing her lightly. Leigh could feel her heart give a small tug. He pulled away and ambled into the kitchen.
"So, I was thinking," he said after a couple minutes, appearing back with a bowl of cereal. He took the seat in front of her and looked into her eyes. "Why don't you come back with me?"
Leigh's heart jumped into her throat. That was the one question she was hoping he wouldn't ask. She remained silent and could tell Matt knew what she was thinking.
"C'mon Leigh! I'm sure the guys would love to see you again. And I know you are dying to see the guys again, too."
Leigh's heart played tug-of-war. Part of her wanted to go with Matt, leave this behind and live on the road. But the other part, the part that she lived with for four years, told her that it was a bad idea to go back. That she would end up hurting herself in the end. She stared at her dining table, not really seeing it. "Matt, I'm not sure that's a good idea."
"Why not?" he demanded.
"Because! I didn't get away from you just to build up my walls and break them down again. I promised myself I would never, ever get back with you! I broke that promise yesterday when I agreed to go to dinner. Matt, I can't do it. My heart can't take it! I don't think that I can prepare myself enough. . ."
"I'm not going to cheat on you, Leigh."
"How do I know that, Matt? I trusted you back then and that blew up in my face. What makes you think that you won't make the same mistake? What makes you think that I'm just going jump back into your arms and accept? I can't Matt, I can't. My heart can't take it. I can't take it. . ."
"Leigh, look at me." Matt put a finger under her chin and forced her to look him in the eye. "Back in high school, I was stupid and young and. . . drunk. But I know that's not a good excuse for what I did. But I'd learned my lesson. The moment you walked away from me, I vowed that if we were ever together again that I would never hurt you. I saw the way you looked at me that night and it killed me. I wouldn't let myself live it down." Leigh dropped their gaze and fingered her coffee cup.
She heard Matt sigh and push away from the table. Her heart finally torn in two. A flood of memories came at her at once. This wasn't unlike a conversation they'd had before. But the situation was completely different. . .
June 6 - Senior Year
"Leigh, come with me please!" Matt pleaded, clasping Leigh's hands in his. His eyes were trying to convince her that he needed this much more than he was letting on. "C'mon, Leigh! You know you want to!"
"Matt, I don't think that's a good idea."
"Why not, Leigh? Why not!? It's perfect! We won't have to worry about our parents. We won't have to worry about this stupid high school bullshit. We could just go off, be on our own! Leigh, please. . ."
Leigh looked at her boyfriend. He was asking too much of her. She couldn't just drop everything and leave. She had a full-ride to UCLA and her whole future on a platter. She wasn't going to give that up. But a tiny voice in the back of her head was nagging.
What if they get signed? What are you going to do then? Dropping out isn't an option. And you know how crushed he'd be if you didn't leave with him. What are you doing? You're just going to leave him, after all that you've been through?
"Matt, I can't. I - I can't just take off. I'm sorry. Please -"
Matt let a curse fly out of his mouth as he pushed her away and Leigh cringed. Matt's voice voice turned pleading. "Leigh, please. I can't do this without you. It's something I don't want to do without you! Leigh, please, you have to realize -"
"I do! I do realize! But can't you see, Matt?" She looked at him with scornful eyes. "My whole fucking life is set out for me to take! I can't just ignore that! This is a once and a lifetime chance! I don't want to leave to follow your band!"
"I can't Matt. I already have everything I need here. I have a steady job, a house. I'm doing okay! I can't just pick up and leave. I ha-"
"You have your whole life set out for you. Yea, I know. I remember" Matt's voice dropped bitterly.
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Leigh could practically see Matt's heart break as she walked him to the door. They'd spent hours talking and fighting about her coming with him. But Leigh couldn't gather enough courage to let him just walk back into her life. She really wanted to get over him, but she couldn't. Everything she did just made her hurt worse and worse. And this was one of those things.
Matt turned just as he stepped over the threshold. He stared deep into Leigh's eyes. "I love you. And I just want you to know I'm not going to stop trying." Leigh could feel herself crumbling again.
"Bye, Matt."