The Artists Secret

College never used to be on my radar. A four year school I mean. I always thought I'd just you know, maybe go to the local community college and get a job that would get me by. That way I'd be able to work on my art on the side and have a love/hate relationship with an art career. I never thought I was actually good enough to be widely known or to get a full ride to Pratt Institute.

I was wrong. Not only did I get a full ride but I've got a decent following. People who regularly come to my art shows and actually pay for my work. It's pretty mind blowing.

My most successful time of the year though, is valentines day. You might be surprised at how much my hand drawn cards go for, you might not. It all depends on if you think $20 for one card is surprising. That gets me about $5,000 a year. It's insane.

I start getting orders around Christmas. That gives me like, two months to make 250 cards. And then I put in the extra work to make cards for the special people in my own life. 

My roommate gets annoyed with all my art supplies laying around the house during those months. I think he secretly likes it though. He always hovers over my shoulder to watch me draw and I've noticed that he likes to arrange my colored pencils in rainbow order.

"Blake!" Robbie's voice screeches from the bathroom. I smile to myself and think of what I possibly could have done this time. Yesterday I accidentally left my superglue on the kitchen counter and now one of our forks is stuck on there. The day before that I'd left my pencils on the balcony and he almost slipped and fell. 

"Yeah?" I call out, looking up from my current masterpiece. 

"Is this yours?" He questions, coming into the living room with a lighter in his hand. 

I grin and pluck the lighter from his long thin fingers. "Yeah, thanks." 

He rolls his eyes and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Then I guess the ashes all over the bathroom sink are yours too?"

"Yeah. I'll clean up in a minute. I just wanna finish this card." I promise.

"Why would you even wanna singe a valentines day card anyway? It's like, the opposite of romantic!" He protests, stalking across the room before pivoting back around. "Lemme see."

I smile at his change of heart and show him the card. It's from a friend of mine to his girlfriend. There's a person on the front walking along a road with nothing but a burnt trail left after him. On the inside of the card, there's the same person holding out his heart which is burnt around the edges. He's got a singed hole in his chest where his heart goes and he's saying, "It isn't much but it's all I have left. It's yours if you want it. Please be careful."

Robbie looks at me with a mixture of awe and concern. "This is the most romantically twisted thing I've ever seen."

"If you knew the couple it was for you'd agree that it's perfect for them." I explain, taking back the card and putting the finishing touches on it. When I'm done I head to the bathroom to clean up my mess and rejoin Robbie on the couch. He's watching some ghost hunter show that I'm uninterested in so I pull out some more paper and get started on another card.

I can feel his eyes on me while I'm working and it's sort of the best feeling in the world. It's difficult to believe that someone like Robbie would be interested in someone like me but with the way he watches me draw makes me feel like I'm actually doing something right in my efforts to woo him.

We've been roommates since freshman year of college. We shared the same dorm room and became pretty close friends. To the point where there were no secrets. There couldn't be. We were always together. Junior year we decided to rent a loft and live off campus. Now it's senior year and it feels like we've known each other since we were in diapers. 

When did my crush for him start developing? Oh, pretty much the first time I saw his big brown eyes. Why haven't I made a move? Yeah, I'm that dorky, socially awkward guy that's always stereotypically cast in all the cheesy high school movies. At least he's gay, right? That makes it slightly less pathetic. Slightly.

"Who's that one for?" Robbie asks, scooting closer to me and leaning on my shoulder.

"Oshea." I say, naming my best friend from high school. He's a chemistry major so the card will feature turned over test tubes, the liquid mixing together to form a muti colored heart. 

Robbie looks slightly disappointed but the look quickly is replaced by a grin. "That's really sweet."

"Uh. Thank you." I smile, looking up at him with slight confusion. Why would he be disappointed?

Unless he was hoping it was his.

A few minutes pass with me working and him watching TV but suddenly he stands up and grabs his jacket. "Hey, I'm gonna run down to That Sushi Place. Want anything?"

"The usual." I shrug. "Tell Kia I say hi."

Robbie nods and heads out the door. I wait a few minutes to make sure that he's really gone and once I decide that it's all clear, I go deep into my closet and pull out my masterpiece. Robbie's valentines day present. 

A 4'X4' canvas depicting a perfect first date. Me and him in our favorite cafe, holding hands across one of the small tables. Small cups of expresso in front of us with hearts in my eyes. It's... well I'm not completely sure what it is. I know what I'd like it to be but I don't know if it'll work out the way I want it to. 

I wan't him to know how I feel about him. I decided that I've had enough of these secret feelings. I need to step up, stop torturing myself. At least if I put myself out there I don't have to keep anymore secrets. And who knows? He might even say yes.

But yeah, probably not. A guy like him wouldn't even think twice about a guy like me. It's still worth a shot. If I know Robbie like I think I do, nothing will give me a bigger chance than this.