Status: In progress. Updates when I get the chance.
Cross My Heart
Forget the Fight
For four weeks, Phoenix didn’t leave the room I set up for her. It had a bathroom off of it, and I went in and left her food and water. It felt like having a pet lizard. Like she hid under a rock, and only came out when I wasn’t looking.
Half the time when I went in the room, she hadn’t touched her food, or barely touched it.
It wasn’t like I didn’t expect that, I had done the same thing. Maybe I just hoped it would be easier for her. Or maybe that I could help more directly.
I barely left my apartment either. I didn’t want to leave her unattended. I had this fear that if I did, she’d sneak out and relapse.
But I still had to go to the studio. I still needed to go out to get food and so on and so forth.
It was almost exactly one month later. I was sitting on the couch, Tux in my lap and Twitter open on my laptop. I was bored, simply watching and waiting for someone of importance to tweet something interesting.
I heard footsteps and my head shot up. Pessimistic thoughts flooded my head- It could be the upstairs neighbours, or Anemoine being a retard.
I sighed and fell back into the couch.
“Morning.” The voice startled me back into an upright position. Phoenix had sat down in the chair across from me.
“You’re alive!?” I laughed.
“Partially. I’ve probably slept ten hours in the past month.” She looked like it to. The same Green Day shirt, wrinkled and dirty. She obviously didn’t have any other clothes.
“We’re gonna have to go shopping for you.” I nodded to her shirt.
“Yeah I guess…and I’ve gotta go get my stuff from Scooter still…that terrifies me.”
“I’ll give you a ride over, you grab your stuff and then we can go shopping!”
“You seem way too excited by this.” She laughed at me, I laughed along with her. It felt good to laugh with her again. After so many years of being away from her.
“So…go shower and we can go straight over there then go shoooooping.” I knew there was a stupid smile on my face.
“Fine.” Phoenix pouted. “But I’m not happy about it.”
*
“So…what’s going on between you and Amanda…” Phoenix spoke up in the car. She was wearing my shirt and a pair of old skinny jeans of mine because her clothes were so dirty they could easily stand on they’re own.
“Me and Manda? Nothing. She broke up with me for some guy a few months ago.”
“Bitch.” Phoenix grumbled. I laughed.
“You still hate her even since high school?”
“She has given me no reasons to like her. And I’m sure she just loves me.” She jutted our her bottom lip and looked out the window. She looked so cute when she did that.
“What about you and Scooter? You guys and item?” I asked her.
“What? No way. Scooter’s just a good friend. He’s been looking after me since I made my way back to Van a few months ago.”
“So you lived in Calgary up until?”
“Yeah. I’ve always been lucky enough to have someone looking out for me. I just never realized it until I met you.” She smiled at me. I smiled back, wishing she was still mine. “What about Shaun and Matt? What happened with them?”
“Nothing, really…about a month after you left Shaun disappeared without a trace. Haven’t heard from her since. Matt was pretty beat up about it.” It was weird to think about all of this again, I hadn’t even visited that part of my mind in years.
“Oh wow…” She stared off into space. I could just imagine the million things running through her head.
“This is here.” She said, pointing to a rundown looking house. “I’ll just go in the back. I don’t think he’s home.” Before I could protest she ran off into the house.
*
PHOENIX’S POV
Scooter wasn’t going to be pleased with me. I disappeared for a month, leaving the three things I held nearest to me behind. He probably thought I was dead.
I ran around the back of the house, pray he wasn’t home.
I peaked in the screen door, surveying the living room for any signs of life. Nothing.
My CDs sat exactly where I left them on the coffee table. In a perfect stack. Fix Me on the bottom, then Masterpiece Theatre, then Directors Cut.
I slowly opened the door. Scooter would never lock it. There were no sounds in the house.
“Fuck yes.” I smiled to myself and quickly grabbed my CDs. I turned on my heel back for the door, thinking I was in the clear.
Then he grabbed me. I linked his arm around my waist and pulled me back. My CD’s went flying and the air left my lungs.
He turned me around to look at him, grabbing my shoulders and not letting me move. “Where the hell have you been!?” He yelled at me. “I thought you were dead!”
“I-“ He cut me off by smacking me across the face. I was surprised, he’d never hit me before. Then I caught it. I could smell alcohol on his breath and the smoke from heroin in the air.
“Why’d you leave Joh!?” He yelled at me. “I love you!”
“Scooter, I left because I had to. I couldn’t keep living like that.” He pushed me farther away, to look into my eyes. “I got better. You can to.” I just wanted him to let go of me. His nails were digging into my arms.
“Whose clothes are these?” He looked over my body. He was obviously avoiding the truth of what I had said.
“A friend’s. He’s been helping me.” I wasn’t getting into that. If it was Scooter who Josh mentioned, I really didn’t want him knowing I was staying with him.
“The guy who gave you this?” Scooter grabbed my hand, holding up the finger with the ring.
“It’s none of your business, Scooter.” I tried to grab back my hand, but his grip was too strong.
“Yes it IS!” He pushed me into the wall. “You’re mine!” He punched me right in the nose. I heard a crack and the flow of blood down my face.
“Dammit!” I yelled and put my hands over my nose. “You broke my nose!”
Before I could say anything else, the front door opened. Josh came running into the living room.
Scooter pulled out a knife from his pocket. “I’ll keep my promise, fag.” Scooter threatened.
Josh stopped in his tracks, holding up his hands. “Just let Phoenix go.”
“No. She’s not you whore anymore. She’s mine. Johanna is MINE!” Scooter screamed at him.
“Scooter!” I tried to grab the knife from him, he simply held it above my reach. What the hell was happening here!? “Scooter please don’t hurt him!” I tried to jump for the knife, he just held it higher.
“C’mon Scooter. I’ve been where you’ve been. Just put the knife down, and let Joh go.” Josh was negotiating.
“You shut up! Don’t tell me what to do!” Scooter yelled, pointing the knife back to Josh and taking a step closer. “You broke my girl before I could save her, and then you took her away again and changed her.” Another step. “You pollute people’s minds with the lie that it will get better when it never does.” One more step.
“Scooter please!” I cried out. Falling to my knees. I was half acting, half genuinely worried. Scooter would hurt Josh. No doubt about it. But I did believe Josh could probably throw him off in his drunken state. “Please just let me go.” I let some tears spill from my eyes.
Scooter turned. The image of me down on my knees, pleading for him not to hurt another man had to break him. He dropped the knife. “Joh I’m sorry.” He dropped down to his knees as well, crawling over to me.
He brushed some of the hair from my face, whipped away the tears with his thumb. “You love him, don’t you?” He pressed his forehead to mine and whispered. I nodded slowly. “Then I’ll let you be happy…just remember me.” I nodded again.
“I could never forget you, Scoot.”
“C-can I do just one thing?” He asked, looking into my eyes.
“I guess…”
“Close your eyes.”
**
JOSH’S POV AGAIN.
I watched they’re moment on the floor. They whispered to each other. I wanted so desperately to know what he was saying to her. Why she was agreeing to everything.
And then he kissed her. It didn’t last long, only a few seconds but still, in those few seconds I imagined a million and one ways to kill him. All the while biting my lip.
Phoenix stood and collected three CDs off the floor. She walked with her head down across the room and stood beside me. “Thank you so much…for everything Scooter.” She said. Grabbing my hand, she tugged me from the house.
“I’m…so sorry Josh…” She was crying by the time we reached my car. “I really didn’t think he’d be home…I just needed these…” She held up the CDs. They were Marianas Trench’s three CDs.
“You know I have like 20 of each of those you could have had.” I laughed.
“Yeah well…I spent my heroin money on these…stood in line for Directors Cut…I guess they’re sort of sentimental.” She smiled at them. “So, how about that shopping trip?”
Half the time when I went in the room, she hadn’t touched her food, or barely touched it.
It wasn’t like I didn’t expect that, I had done the same thing. Maybe I just hoped it would be easier for her. Or maybe that I could help more directly.
I barely left my apartment either. I didn’t want to leave her unattended. I had this fear that if I did, she’d sneak out and relapse.
But I still had to go to the studio. I still needed to go out to get food and so on and so forth.
It was almost exactly one month later. I was sitting on the couch, Tux in my lap and Twitter open on my laptop. I was bored, simply watching and waiting for someone of importance to tweet something interesting.
I heard footsteps and my head shot up. Pessimistic thoughts flooded my head- It could be the upstairs neighbours, or Anemoine being a retard.
I sighed and fell back into the couch.
“Morning.” The voice startled me back into an upright position. Phoenix had sat down in the chair across from me.
“You’re alive!?” I laughed.
“Partially. I’ve probably slept ten hours in the past month.” She looked like it to. The same Green Day shirt, wrinkled and dirty. She obviously didn’t have any other clothes.
“We’re gonna have to go shopping for you.” I nodded to her shirt.
“Yeah I guess…and I’ve gotta go get my stuff from Scooter still…that terrifies me.”
“I’ll give you a ride over, you grab your stuff and then we can go shopping!”
“You seem way too excited by this.” She laughed at me, I laughed along with her. It felt good to laugh with her again. After so many years of being away from her.
“So…go shower and we can go straight over there then go shoooooping.” I knew there was a stupid smile on my face.
“Fine.” Phoenix pouted. “But I’m not happy about it.”
*
“So…what’s going on between you and Amanda…” Phoenix spoke up in the car. She was wearing my shirt and a pair of old skinny jeans of mine because her clothes were so dirty they could easily stand on they’re own.
“Me and Manda? Nothing. She broke up with me for some guy a few months ago.”
“Bitch.” Phoenix grumbled. I laughed.
“You still hate her even since high school?”
“She has given me no reasons to like her. And I’m sure she just loves me.” She jutted our her bottom lip and looked out the window. She looked so cute when she did that.
“What about you and Scooter? You guys and item?” I asked her.
“What? No way. Scooter’s just a good friend. He’s been looking after me since I made my way back to Van a few months ago.”
“So you lived in Calgary up until?”
“Yeah. I’ve always been lucky enough to have someone looking out for me. I just never realized it until I met you.” She smiled at me. I smiled back, wishing she was still mine. “What about Shaun and Matt? What happened with them?”
“Nothing, really…about a month after you left Shaun disappeared without a trace. Haven’t heard from her since. Matt was pretty beat up about it.” It was weird to think about all of this again, I hadn’t even visited that part of my mind in years.
“Oh wow…” She stared off into space. I could just imagine the million things running through her head.
“This is here.” She said, pointing to a rundown looking house. “I’ll just go in the back. I don’t think he’s home.” Before I could protest she ran off into the house.
*
PHOENIX’S POV
Scooter wasn’t going to be pleased with me. I disappeared for a month, leaving the three things I held nearest to me behind. He probably thought I was dead.
I ran around the back of the house, pray he wasn’t home.
I peaked in the screen door, surveying the living room for any signs of life. Nothing.
My CDs sat exactly where I left them on the coffee table. In a perfect stack. Fix Me on the bottom, then Masterpiece Theatre, then Directors Cut.
I slowly opened the door. Scooter would never lock it. There were no sounds in the house.
“Fuck yes.” I smiled to myself and quickly grabbed my CDs. I turned on my heel back for the door, thinking I was in the clear.
Then he grabbed me. I linked his arm around my waist and pulled me back. My CD’s went flying and the air left my lungs.
He turned me around to look at him, grabbing my shoulders and not letting me move. “Where the hell have you been!?” He yelled at me. “I thought you were dead!”
“I-“ He cut me off by smacking me across the face. I was surprised, he’d never hit me before. Then I caught it. I could smell alcohol on his breath and the smoke from heroin in the air.
“Why’d you leave Joh!?” He yelled at me. “I love you!”
“Scooter, I left because I had to. I couldn’t keep living like that.” He pushed me farther away, to look into my eyes. “I got better. You can to.” I just wanted him to let go of me. His nails were digging into my arms.
“Whose clothes are these?” He looked over my body. He was obviously avoiding the truth of what I had said.
“A friend’s. He’s been helping me.” I wasn’t getting into that. If it was Scooter who Josh mentioned, I really didn’t want him knowing I was staying with him.
“The guy who gave you this?” Scooter grabbed my hand, holding up the finger with the ring.
“It’s none of your business, Scooter.” I tried to grab back my hand, but his grip was too strong.
“Yes it IS!” He pushed me into the wall. “You’re mine!” He punched me right in the nose. I heard a crack and the flow of blood down my face.
“Dammit!” I yelled and put my hands over my nose. “You broke my nose!”
Before I could say anything else, the front door opened. Josh came running into the living room.
Scooter pulled out a knife from his pocket. “I’ll keep my promise, fag.” Scooter threatened.
Josh stopped in his tracks, holding up his hands. “Just let Phoenix go.”
“No. She’s not you whore anymore. She’s mine. Johanna is MINE!” Scooter screamed at him.
“Scooter!” I tried to grab the knife from him, he simply held it above my reach. What the hell was happening here!? “Scooter please don’t hurt him!” I tried to jump for the knife, he just held it higher.
“C’mon Scooter. I’ve been where you’ve been. Just put the knife down, and let Joh go.” Josh was negotiating.
“You shut up! Don’t tell me what to do!” Scooter yelled, pointing the knife back to Josh and taking a step closer. “You broke my girl before I could save her, and then you took her away again and changed her.” Another step. “You pollute people’s minds with the lie that it will get better when it never does.” One more step.
“Scooter please!” I cried out. Falling to my knees. I was half acting, half genuinely worried. Scooter would hurt Josh. No doubt about it. But I did believe Josh could probably throw him off in his drunken state. “Please just let me go.” I let some tears spill from my eyes.
Scooter turned. The image of me down on my knees, pleading for him not to hurt another man had to break him. He dropped the knife. “Joh I’m sorry.” He dropped down to his knees as well, crawling over to me.
He brushed some of the hair from my face, whipped away the tears with his thumb. “You love him, don’t you?” He pressed his forehead to mine and whispered. I nodded slowly. “Then I’ll let you be happy…just remember me.” I nodded again.
“I could never forget you, Scoot.”
“C-can I do just one thing?” He asked, looking into my eyes.
“I guess…”
“Close your eyes.”
**
JOSH’S POV AGAIN.
I watched they’re moment on the floor. They whispered to each other. I wanted so desperately to know what he was saying to her. Why she was agreeing to everything.
And then he kissed her. It didn’t last long, only a few seconds but still, in those few seconds I imagined a million and one ways to kill him. All the while biting my lip.
Phoenix stood and collected three CDs off the floor. She walked with her head down across the room and stood beside me. “Thank you so much…for everything Scooter.” She said. Grabbing my hand, she tugged me from the house.
“I’m…so sorry Josh…” She was crying by the time we reached my car. “I really didn’t think he’d be home…I just needed these…” She held up the CDs. They were Marianas Trench’s three CDs.
“You know I have like 20 of each of those you could have had.” I laughed.
“Yeah well…I spent my heroin money on these…stood in line for Directors Cut…I guess they’re sort of sentimental.” She smiled at them. “So, how about that shopping trip?”