Cross My Heart

I yawned as I walked down the street, fiddling with my iPod, which didn’t understand what Green day was. It was getting in between me and my obsession with Billie Joe Armstrong; obviously, this was not a smart appliance.
“Blahahaha!” I heard something yell behind me. I screamed and turn around, using a knee jerk reaction, kicked, and aimed for the kill.
“Oh fuck.” I watched Josh fall to the ground. I laughed. Author* If you don’t know what ‘the kill’ is, you either need help, or are under the age of 10.
“Don’t sneak up on me then.” I must not have hit him too hard, because a few seconds later, he slowly got up.
“I will remember that.” I went back to walking and trying to find where Green Day was hiding from me. “Whatchya lookin’ for?” Josh asked.
“Green Day is hiding from me.”
“It’s right there.” Josh said and pointed to where my Green day file was sitting, clear as day.
“Smart ass.” I said to him.
“Maybe people would be your friend if you weren’t so mean.”
“You’ve put up with me the past month.” I pointed out.
It was exactly one month since I had moved in with Lisa and Adam, by now, they were just ‘mom’ and ‘dad’. I had always promised myself, the second I felt ‘at home’ I would call my foster parents mom and dad.
“Hey...” Josh said as if being hit with an epiphany. “One month. Didn’t you say you never stayed in a home for over a month?”
“Technically not over a month.”
“You are so hard to please.”
“One of my many attributes.” I said and finally picked Sassafras Roots (Fuck I love that song) to listen to. “You wanna listen?” I asked Josh, holding out a head phone.
“Why not?” he took it and put it in his ear.
We finally walked up to the school (Now listening to Welcome To Paradise) Josh took my head phone out of his ear and walked over to talk with a group of people. I sighed and stuffed my iPod in my bag.
“Phoenix. End-o the line. Get over here now!” I heard Josh yell at me. He was still standing in the same group. They all looked at me. I wasn’t one for attention. I slowly walked over and stood beside Josh.
“Hey.” All of the others said in unison.
“See, is this so bad?” Josh asked me sarcastically. I slapped his arm. Everyone laughed, Josh acted as if I had actually hurt him.
“Well, she’s got spunk. And Ramsay trusts her enough to take her on his nightly terrorizing spree.”
“Hey, it’s not nightly.” Josh said and gave Brett a point that said ‘don’t push it.’
I laughed. I had met all the people in this group. Brett, Andrew, Shaun, Matt, and Amanda. I had a class with all of them. I still hadn’t met the mysterious Chris.
The bell rang over head. “Ugh.” Shaun said. “Screw this shit. Come on Matty.” She grabbed Matt’s arm and started walking off school grounds.
Josh looked longingly after them. “Go if you want to, nothings stopping you.” I told him.
“But they are so gross!” He said. I laughed.
“Go in another direction.”
“No. I’ll stay. Now come before were late.”
“When have you ever cared about being late?”
“Point taken.” He said and slowed his pace.
“Weasel!” I suddenly screamed for no reason and started jumping around.
“That had no point.”
“I think the coffee I had this morning just hit me.”
*
I sat in the back of class beside Josh, drumming my fingers on the table.
“It’s getting annoying.” Josh spoke through clenched teeth. I kept drumming my fingers. “Getting under my skin…” He said, I smiled. I enjoyed annoying people.
My hand was then flatted against the table by Josh’s. I tried my best to keep drumming my fingers but it wasn’t working. I lifted my other hand to the table and began drumming.
Josh put his other hand over my hand which was drumming. “Phoenix.” He looked me straight in the eyes. And, like every other time I looked him in the eyes, I noticed how cute he was. He was cute, funny; he managed to put up with my attitude.
NO! I screamed at myself and pulled away from him, slouching back in my chair.
“You okay?” Josh asked me. I just nodded. Inside, there was a war going on between the side of me that wanted Josh, and the side of me that wanted my heart to stay intact, and that one tiny part of me that was still telling me not to get close to Josh. That part had been squashed into nothing but mere dust when I started really getting to know Josh.
“No. You are not okay. Five seconds ago you were hyper and could not sit still, now you are sitting still. Something happened and I somehow missed it.”
“It’s nothing…”
“Translate; you don’t want to tell me?”
“Pretty much…”
“I can respect that.” The bell rang overhead. I had P.E. now. Maybe I could clear my head and burn off the caffeine by running.
*
“Hey. Phoenix, right?” We were jogging around the school five times for warm up. To me, that was brutal, but I put up with it.
“Yeah.” I said to the girl and slowed down.
“I’m Shaun.” She introduced herself. We were both now walking. “Why haven’t I seen you around before?”
“I take pride in my ability to become invisible. Josh just decided today was the day he pushed me into the spot light.”
“He’s a bastard.”
“Thank you! Somebody who agrees with me!”
“I thought he was your friend?”
“He is he is just a bastard. I can’t consider him like, my best friend and a bastard at the same time?”
“Oh my god, I feel the same way about my boyfriend.” She said in a fake girly voice. “But no really, my boyfriends a bastard.”
I laughed. “You sound loving.”
“Oh yes, I totally am.” She said sarcastically. “He puts up with me, I must be doing something right.”
*
I walked with Shaun, who was talking about something or other, toward where Matt was waiting for her. I noticed Josh running towards us out of the corner of my eye.
“She is talking to a human! IT’S THE APOCOLYPSE!” I slapped Josh’s arm as he ran up beside me and Shaun.
Shaun went off to talk to Matt.
“So, how was your day after deciding I was just too good for you?” Josh said. After I had decided not to tell Josh what was on my mind, I avoided him for the rest of the day.
“Okay. I guess. I didn’t get hit with a ball in PE! But I did scrape my knee running…”
“You are such a klutz.”
“Why thank you.”
“Hey, Phoenix, maybe you and Josh could come with me and Matt to Andrew’s party tonight? Josh said he wasn’t going…” Shaun got closer to me and whispered in my ear “I bet you two bucks if you say you want to go he will go.”
“Deal.” I shook her hand without letting Josh see. “Yeah, that sounds like fun.”
“Kay. So we will go. We’ll meet you and Matt at his place at 6 to go over, kay?” Josh asked Shaun. Shaun smiled and I took a toonie out of my pocket and put it in her hand. Josh laughed.
“Kay…I better get going home then.” I said by to Shaun and Matt and began walking home. I figured Josh would follow me as usual, he did.
“I’ll pick you up at five thirty and we can walk over to Matt’s.” Josh suggested. I nodded my head.
The rest of the walk was silent.
“So, 5:30?” Josh said as we walked up to the lawn between our houses, we still hadn’t figured out who’s it was.
“Yeah.” I walked up to my house. I closed the door and booked it down to my room. “WAIT!” I ran back up. “MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM!” I screamed as I ran up the stairs.
“What what what what what what?” She said as I ran into the living room where she was watching TV.
“Is it okay if I go to a party tonight with Josh, Shaun and Matt?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Just be home by 11.” She said and went back to watching TV. I ran back downstairs and started sifting through my closet.
Why was I getting so worked up over this? It was just some random party. The other side of my brain then answered me ‘Cause you like Josh, stop denying it.
It was true. As I admitted that to myself. The part of my brain that liked Josh destroyed the part that was afraid of getting my heart broken. But, that part was still there. Its voice was just being drowned out by victory laughter.
“I have a screwed up mind.” I said to myself and pulled out a pair of black skinny jeans.
*
I was in my bathroom (oh yeah, that’s right, I have my own bathroom.) putting on the last touches of make up when the door bell rang. I screamed and stepped back to make sure my outfit was okay.
A long red shirt, black skinny jeans, red hoop earrings, a necklace with a black heart charm, and I had my hair up in a sloppy side pony. Amazingly, the outfit fit together well.
I ran up the stairs and opened the door to see Josh standing in the door way. He wore black skinnys and a white tee shirt. He still looked amazing.
“You look nice.” He told me. I felt my stomach do a back flip.
‘Thanks. So do you.” I grabbed my black Converse and started putting them on.
“No. You are not wearing those to a party.” Lisa came up behind us. I only called her Mom out loud, never in my own head. It was just too difficult.
“Why not?”
“Because, they are street shoes. Here.” She opened the closet near the door and took out a pair of black high heels that looked like death on sticks to me. But, they did match the outfit perfectly; the strap had red studs on it. They looked amazing. I took the chance and put them on.
“I fall its your responsibility to catch me.” I told Josh. He laughed.
“Oh, and me and Adam and going out tonight, if we’re not home by the time you get home don’t worry.”
“’Kay. See ya.” I said and walked out the door with Josh.